[mjv1208]

I found out today that the guy who was the manager at the recovery house I moved out of in May killed himself a month ago. He had over a year sober but relapsed after moving into an apartment with another guy who i was there with too and the one guy went away with his girlfriend and came home and found him dead - he had killed himself. it's really hard to believe. just shows you how serious this **** is.

My ex-roommate from the recovery house moved into an apartment in Philly not far from me and I went over there yesterday and stayed the night. We watched a couple of movies and hung out. We watched Get Smart and City Hall. Did a lot of talking about staying sober. Helped me feel stronger about choosing sobriety and gave me some hope because he himself felt that there was no light only about 6 months ago. That's how I feel right now. He is coming up on a year next month. Of course I have a week today after blowing 7 1/2 months clean back in May. We had called the assistant manager from the recovery house to say Hi and that's how we found out today.

Just really hard to believe and sad. Scary too. I just feel strange after hearing about this being I was only in the psych ward myself a month ago after becoming so depressed about relapsing. It's like a what point does a person become safe in sobriety? I guess never is the answer.

mjv just wanted to give you some ((((hugs)))). Im sorry that happened, and yes i think its very sad. And yes addiction always keeps us on our toes.

[splitimage]

(((Mjv))) I'm really sorry. That must have been really hard to hear. Addiction really is a deadly disease. I'm just a little over a year sober, but I've heard from lots of people with more time sober, how many people they've seen die due to addiction. It's really tragic.

I think the best thing we can do is try and take it one day at a time, and be grateful for every moment of recovery we have. I too relapsed after 9 months sobriety, but fortunately it only lasted four days and I was able to get back to the program. I'm not sure that I'd make it next time. Back in 2006 I almost died from alcohol. That's when I really decided that I want to get sober, it hasn't been easy, I too have spent time in a psych ward, getting help, but the rewards are amazing.

I think we just have to be thankful for our sobriety no matter how lousy life gets, and remember that with using life will only get worse.

--splitimage

[nowheretorun]

in this moment you can choose safety

[Lenny]

I am so sorry mjv...

One of the very few personal downsides of long term sobriety is the many funerals I have attended...I will never get used to it....

Keep in mind that pride and shame are the hachetts of men...Unlike anger which often boasts and expells,,,these two swing at us from the inside..

Relapse is an integral part of recovery...If this thing called sobriety was easy it would have little value...

Humbly,

Lenny

[madisgram]

i'm so sorry to hear about your friend who died. my very, very best friend and i entered a 12 step program about the same time. i was away on a business trip only to return home to find multiple messages from friends for me to call them immediately when i got home. turns out my best-est girlfriend for my entire life, we were like sisters, had given up the fight and took her life. i was devastated. to know what the gift of sobriety has given me made me so incredibly sad for her. there was so much more GOOD coming that she will never experience. her college age kids will never see how bright she could have shone in sobriety and the joy of having their mom back too. it is a very, very hard thing to go through seeing someone lose the fight to addiction.
thru the years i have lost many good friends to the disease of addiction...one day here, the next day gone. they had been given the "gift" but chose the harder path for reasons we will never know. i do believe however that if we do not completely surrender to the fact that we have a fatal disease and follow guidelines of recovery, we will surely use or drink again.
from your experience and from others, you can learn about the powerful pull addiction has and the destruction of so many lives. we can gain wisdom from these expreinces and sadly our losses too.
i don't know if there is a "safe" point we achieve in sobriety but i can tell you, just for me, what i have achieved is a healthy fear of what alcohol can do to me. by following a 12 step program of recovery day by day, reaching out to help a fellow sufferer, and trying to maintain humilty mixed with a heavy dose of gratitude, i believe i can maintain and nurture this gift of sobriety "one day at a time". afterall, we only have today and i wouldn't have it any other way!
i wish you well, fellow traveler.

[mjv1208]

Thanks to everyone for their comments. It's a huge wake up call unfortunately someone else's tragedy can be an important learning experience for others. It's sad for many reasons but one thing is he had more time than me and was the manager so there was always that looking up to him aspect in the past. Then to see someone fall that bad just is...not really sure the word for it.

I have two seven 1/2 month stints of sobriety yet when back to the alcohol and can't help but think what could of been if I had stayed sober. So much that I don't even think I can list it all if I wanted too.

It was officially a week yesterday sober for me. And this morning I kind of feel like I'm coming back to life. Feeling my emotions - good ones and bad ones but it's really nice to feel again. That's one thing I really treasured about my past periods of soberiety is to feel things again that I stopped feeling when I drank or distored when active in my addiction. Catching a bolt of lightening and hoping to run with it.

I have to tell ya though I've been having crazy dreams but they all seem so related to my life problems and my feelings. One last night was i went into the psych unit again and my Parents (who both passed in the last year) picked me up when I was discharged. Makes sense though because they were big anchors in trying to help me stay sober. Ok now I'm getting teary eyed typing this so I better get a shower and get some things done with my day. Job hunting in my neighborhood today. Wish me luck!

[mjv1208]

one more thing. I have to say I'm glad I started posting on here. The advice and encouragement has been priceless. It's been a great outlet for me. I'm really needy right now but I hope what some of I write helps others in some way not sure how but....this has been a great resource.

[nowheretorun]

mj i couldnt agree with you more about the tragedy aspects.. hoping you'll hang in there and never give up

[Capp]

Originally Posted by mjv1208

one more thing. I have to say I'm glad I started posting on here. The advice and encouragement has been priceless. It's been a great outlet for me. I'm really needy right now but I hope what some of I write helps others in some way not sure how but....this has been a great resource.

((mjv)))
hi and welcome

I thank you for sharing because it helps me stay sober also. It reminds me of where I've been and where I'll do everything in my power not to return to...

Congratulations on your one week of being sober...it's a grand start.

Thank you again,
Cap