[EmilyAnn89]

I just moved back in with my parents and it is even more awful than I remember it. My Dad is an alcoholic and my Mother has schitzoaffective disorder. Don't get me wrong, I love them and appreciate all they have done for me but that dosen't erase the past. Every day there is a fight. Today I was in the bathroom when my Mom burst through the door to get her toothbrush and tell me she was leaving. She was mad that my Dad (who has been doing better lately but still slips up) hadn't been paid and was upset that she failed a physical for work and she just flipped out. I was scared that if she left she would have nowhere to go and she would get hurt. She told me I don't understand anything.

Eventually she calmed down and apologized. I said it was fine, like I always do. Really though, her doing this just brought up all the memories of my Dad telling me he was leaving when I was a kid. Telling me that no one ever wanted me and they would all have been better off without me.

This is all very frustrating because I was recently dumped by the first man I have ever really loved or trusted. I am recovering from a suicide attempt that followed that and am also still recovering from a 5 1/2 year abusive relationship. I am having a really hard time right now especially with my abandonment issues, which just made tonight really terrible. Of course my parents don't know this because I can't ever let on that I am not doing perfectly fine. I have to be strong all the time, even when my own life is in shambles.

I have to find an apartment asap.

I just wanted to rant a little to others who understand.

[FFABD]

You are in a place where people totally understand your feelings. Hugs.

[livetofight]

((((((EmilyAnn))))))
<understands feelings and most of situation all too well>
Hope you find a good apartment soon
J x

[Leed]

Bless your heart ~ it's got to be very difficult and painful living there now. I can all but see what it would be like if I had to move back home. Both my parents were alcoholics - and they had physical fights as well as verbal where they said horrible things to one another. All 4 of us girls are screwed up because of it.

I do hope you can find a place soon, because this environment is toxic for you. Remembering those horrible times is certainly not good for you ~ that needs to be buried and LEFT buried. To dig it up continually is certainly not healthy. Stay away from the house as much as you can until you can move out. My thoughts & prayers are with you ~ I know how difficult this must be. Take care & God bless. Hugs, Lee

[NoIdentity]

Best of luck on getting out quickly. I was once in the same position as you. Maybe a friend might want to get a place with you.

[madisgram]

is it possible for u to see a therapist to help you sort out all this and find solutions? or guidance counselor at school?
also adult children of alcoholics,ACOA, or alateen, don't know your age-these groups are ppl with similar situations. it's free and you will find support and help there re your dad.
welcome to pc, emily. glad u found us!

[latin_dancer87]

I understand your feelings..i have felt that way before as well

Hello, EmilyAnn89. I hope you find a safe haven soon.

[missbelle]

thanks for the rant EmilyAnn89. I hope you still are attending 12 step meetings. That will help and you may find someone who has a room for rent or an apartment. I agree...too much drama you don't need!!

Many hugs

[evaone]

All the best of luck. hope you feel better soon and free from all the pains that you are suffering now, just think that this things will make you stronger and mold you as a better person. May god bless you.

[unico]

I'm so sorry! My father was also an alcoholic, but he's dead now. It must be really hard to have both parents with severe mental illness... I've also had a hard time getting over a break up with the first person I loved. He betrayed me in many ways. I didn't attempt suicide because I thought people would congratulate him on getting rid of me because I was "crazy." But I did become more anorexic and had to go inpatient for it. I hope you can get out of the house and start a new, happier life.