Not new to the site - just this subforum.

I'm a 22 yr old female. thats my basics.

both my parents are alcoholics. currently.

my mother was psychologically abusive to me growing up as a child and tried to be physically abusive to me - although she wasn't good at catching me. literally. i overpowered her attempts which thankfully werent ever successful.

my father has been an alcoholic off and on since i was a little girl. it got bad when my parents divorced when i was 15. or worse i should say. and he had a heat stroke twice. both were triggered by alcohol. one in 2010 and one in 2011...actually this month and i think 2 days ago this year would be the night when he almost died. he isnt drinking at the moment but i dont know when it will be back.

since my parents are divorced i only live with my father. i only ever have anyway i mean. im remembering almost reliving this month as it was a year ago. it haunts me. what i went through to help him. it was traumatic as their was a physical accident both times. and it kills me that he doesnt remember a thing. i sometimes feel like he doesnt care too much about what happened. i feel like by him wanting to forget and move on hes not really learning from the mistake - only moving on. i mean he almost died. less than 2 years apart.

anyway.
thank you for reading.

Honey it's not that he WANTS to forget --- it's that between the heat stroke, and the booze, HE CAN'T remember! I've been thru blackouts myself. You see, I'm not only the product of alcoholic parents, but I'm a recovering alcoholic myself. And I know about those blackouts where you just CANNOT remember anything that happened! And that's the case with your father. I'm sure he WANTS to remember, and he's embarassed that he can't. He probably makes kind of a joke about it, right? That's cause he's embarassed. He's ashamed. He feels guilty. But he just can't remember.

Why doesn't he stop then? Because he doesn't want to bad enough. He hasn't hit bottom yet. For him to really WANT to more than anything else, he's going to have to hit bottom, and that means losing just about everything -- his job, his license, his family, his home, his car, his friends, you name it. Then when he has nothing left, he'll know that he has really hit the skids --- and he'll undoubtedly want to quit. But not until. And unfortunately there are some who NEVER hit bottom --- and they die.

Yes, he cares about what happened --- he feels guilt, remorse & shame. But i's not enough to make him quit drinkiing. It's the same with every alcoholic. It was the same with me.

It's funny tho -- I didn't lose anything when I quit drinking. All it took was my husband to tell me I was a "rotten mother." And I called AA and I haven't had a drink since. That was 19 years ago.

God bless you honey. Please go to some Al-Anon meetings to learn how to cope with an alcoholic. You won't BELIEVE how helpful they are!! I'm not kidding! You'll be glad you did. God bless. Hugs, Lee

Thank you for your response.

He actually doesn't joke about it. hes actually like a quiet depressive drunk type. he withdrawals himself after he drinks. he either drinks away from home or outside and then settles down drunk in the house. he can get verbally abusive but not way too bad. more like insulting me or how i am lazy and im like everyone else on this earth and that ive not accomplished anything in my life. stuff like that. and maybe im playing it down because i love him.

but anyway he cries and cries and cries when hes drunk. mostly over my mother leaving him. and talks down about women and how they are *****s but he doesnt use that words...well not a lot. i mean even when hes sober he talks about my mother leaving him and stuff.

i love him and i feel for him.
its just too much for me. i tried leaving him once kindve by getting my own apartment but every time id come to visit he would be so much off worse and i was afraid hed kill himself. because he would do stuff like drive drunk and stay in 104 degree weather working and drinking around heavy machinery. (we live in the rural). when hes sober hes extremely meek and mild and hes got a strong quiet presence. i mean strong in how he carries himself. strong-willed person. so when hes crying and cussing out women and not just women...but people of other races and society. i know thats not him.

ive tried unsuccessfully getting him into therapy and i even recommended a christian therapist since hes strong in his religion and i respect that. all my efforts though are down the drain and he feel like hes going to kill himself one day from this alcohol.

he is 65.

Honey, you've done ALL you can do. You can't do much of anything else. You cannot force him to stop because he won't. You're driving yourself crazy with this. Just leave him alone. I know you don't want anything to happen to him, but it's going to happen regardless if you keep checking on him or not.

Stop driving yourself crazy and resign yourself to the fact that he's not going to stop. You have to accept it. You just HAVE to for your own sanity. You have done ALL you could do. There's nothing left.

Unless you have him committed against his will to a mental ward because he's a danger to himself or something, there's nothing else you can do. I can't tell you what might happen. It might turn out tragically. But are you supposed to give up your life for it? Are you supposed to live night and day checking on him? It's not fair, sweetie. I know that's all you'd be thinking of, but you've got to try to give him to God. You can't stop him from drinking.

I will pray for both you and your Dad. God bless. Hugs, Lee

Thanks lee.
to commit my father to a psychiatric hospital would make no sense.

I was just thinking about what you said. about how like what am i supposed to do, give up my life for him? anyway i was just thinking about that. and i believe that actually might be a good idea...a risk im willing to take i mean. i dont have to check on him 24/7 - even though i do - but i could literally give up my life for him. i was just thinking about that and thinking about how people spend their lives doing crazy crazy things to get where they want or need to be but we all have something we do right? and how we choose to spend our lives is our own right?

so i think i might actually just do that.

i appreciate everything.

thanks
newtus.

Dear Newtus

What are you going to do with your life is your own personal decision. Nobody knows better than you what to do. However, I have a feeling that if you had been sure about your ways and absolutely dedicated to sacrifice your life to the Beast that is slowly killing your father, you would have not come here.
There is nothing really wise I can tell you, except for asking you for a few minutes of reading. This particular website helped me to understand what "alcohol" actually is and why I should care for people, but not feed the Beast.
Hugs
https://rational.org/index.php?id=1

Thank you. I will read it.