[Laina M.]

Hi

I've been in recovery for a few months now, but I'm starting to waver and get back into the ED mindset, and the scary thing is I know it's bad, but I still want it.

Does anyone have tips for eating and telling yourself it's okay? I had breakfast but I've put on a lot of weight in the last few months and I keep thinking I should eat less, I should just eat one meal a day slowly because that way I'll stay fine and lose weight but I know that it will hurt my body and slow my metabolism.

How do you deal with it? I still have my shorts from last year, and now that it's summer it's depressing me I can't fit in them. Even though when I could I was miserable and my hair was falling out and I had no energy and possible heart problems and I looked so unhealthy.

And even though I know that logically, I still keep thinking if only I could achieve that weight again, I'd be okay. But I know if I try it will be bad, and I'll never be happy.

Any advice?

Eating disorder is something I can relate to. I had the inverse problem though, but maybe methods could work both ways? Your doctor probably could tell you what your weight should be to be healthy, just like my doctor told me. If you are over weight they can tell you how many calories your body burns in a day, so you could count calories and try to hit the marks set by your doctor. My low self-esteem really worked against me. One of the few things I could control in my life was food. Food was good, you generally eat with people you like, you look forward to the lunch hour, holiday food, alcohol and munchies, if my day sucked, I could get brownies and milk or something that sounded good.

Three years ago I was diagnosed with ADD (43 years old) and with all the baggage ADD adds along the way, My Addiction was Food! Adderall corrected most of my brain chemistry and I just stopped focusing on my next meal. I started feeling Good, losing weight and my wife was convinced the "Speed" was the only reason. Not anything to do with ADD or brain chemistry, or the exercise I have done since my diagnosis. I DO understand why losing weight feels good to you. My wife thought I was never going to stop losing weight, but I told her if I got to a weight that was unhealthy my doctor would say something. I am paranoid about gaining the weight back, so I let my pants do the talking. "The pants don't lie"

Sorry for the ADD ramble, but maybe a weight goal based on good health by your doctor is a way to know where to set the target? My family has always battled their weight and the stuff we see on TV is just ridiculous. It destroys our self worth.

Take care...

[Laina M.]

Originally Posted by YYZadd

Eating disorder is something I can relate to. I had the inverse problem though, but maybe methods could work both ways? Your doctor probably could tell you what your weight should be to be healthy, just like my doctor told me. If you are over weight they can tell you how many calories your body burns in a day, so you could count calories and try to hit the marks set by your doctor. My low self-esteem really worked against me. One of the few things I could control in my life was food. Food was good, you generally eat with people you like, you look forward to the lunch hour, holiday food, alcohol and munchies, if my day sucked, I could get brownies and milk or something that sounded good.

Three years ago I was diagnosed with ADD (43 years old) and with all the baggage ADD adds along the way, My Addiction was Food! Adderall corrected most of my brain chemistry and I just stopped focusing on my next meal. I started feeling Good, losing weight and my wife was convinced the "Speed" was the only reason. Not anything to do with ADD or brain chemistry, or the exercise I have done since my diagnosis. I DO understand why losing weight feels good to you. My wife thought I was never going to stop losing weight, but I told her if I got to a weight that was unhealthy my doctor would say something. I am paranoid about gaining the weight back, so I let my pants do the talking. "The pants don't lie"

Sorry for the ADD ramble, but maybe a weight goal based on good health by your doctor is a way to know where to set the target? My family has always battled their weight and the stuff we see on TV is just ridiculous. It destroys our self worth.

Take care...

Thank you, I can't deal with numbers or weight goals though. I haven't weighed myself in months because stopping was part of my recovery process, and I think if I start again it will just trigger me unfortunately.

Originally Posted by Laina M.

Thank you, I can't deal with numbers or weight goals though. I haven't weighed myself in months because stopping was part of my recovery process, and I think if I start again it will just trigger me unfortunately.

I never thought about it that way. I always avoided scales and counting calories because ignorance was bliss to me. I just kept getting bigger and bigger and ignored what my pants were saying

Hang in there and I hope things go well for you

[AngelWolf3]

I wish I had some advice for you that would be helpful!!! I just take it one day at a time; some days are definitely better than others, as with any disease/addiction.
The recovery road is long and hard, and I have been on it for about 10 years now, with all the bumps and interruptions along the way.

The thoughts don't really leave for me, but I try to think of all the things I couldn't do when I was too sick...No energy, couldn't run, hated going places, couldn't sleep, fainting, etc...(you get the picture)

I also have kids now, and I try to remind myself that I don't want them to see me struggling with an ED (physically I am ok, inside still hurts sometimes)...and that I need to be healthy for them.
I hope that something in here helped, if not, I am sorry. I just send you hugs and hopes that you continue on the path of wellness.

Please keep us posted, and good for you for realizing the path back to the ED is not a healthy one.