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  #1  
Old Jul 14, 2012, 03:21 PM
loosethecordsoforio loosethecordsoforio is offline
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i could never seem to believe i have anorexia, but i have my doubts too. when i decided to just stay at my regular calorie amount and stop weighing myself, it was like, "wow! i'm finally free." i also stopped letting myself indulge like i used to. that was 1 day a week. i just decided to put off indulging for as long as i could, but still let myself, if i really wanted to. well i noticed my clothes becoming a lot looser. i noticed i could see bones. when i came to church after a month's absence, our pastor just stared at me. and my uncle asked me if i was sick. i finally broke down and weighed myself at my psychiatrist's office, after i told him all this. i also told him how much weight i lost. he told me how much weight i should gain, and how much more i should eat. i've been doing this, but i don't want to weigh myself anymore. my g.p had told me to get another scale and weigh myself TWICE A WEEK! everyone knows how awful it is to be always weighing yourself. my psych. thinks once a week is enough. my husband, grrrr, actually bought a scale the day after that app. i was weighing myself twice a day!! i decided, heck with that, and parked the scale lovingly at HIS side of the bed, and told him to never take my dr's advice for me again. i see my g.p next week, as he'd asked me to make another app. they have both spelled out serious medical consequences which i cannot believe.
my g.p also thinks the amount i added is nothing. i don't want my g.p to weigh me, i don't want to weigh me. i'm scared to gain weight. and i'm scared what will happen if i lose more. i think i really do want to die.
does anyone relate to this?
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  #2  
Old Jul 17, 2012, 06:11 AM
loosethecordsoforio loosethecordsoforio is offline
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anybody there? i'm sorry if my post was too whingy.
  #3  
Old Jul 17, 2012, 10:28 PM
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buttrfli42481 buttrfli42481 is offline
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Do you have a treatment team besides your GP and pdoc? I have a dietician who weighs me once a week and doesn't tell me what I weigh. When I go to the dr, I get weighed blindly, so I have no clue how much I weigh and I am ok with that. If numbers freak you out, ask to not be told how much you weigh and get rid of the scale at home. I would get rid of that GP and get a new one who is more understanding of eating disorders. Anyone who tells an anorexic that they need to get another scale for home is crazy.

You mentioned that you are scared to gain weight, yet you are scared to lose more. This is very understandable. I was at that point when I found out how much I weigh. I now tell everyone who needs to weigh me, that I need to be weighed blind because I am anorexic. The first time or two is a bit awkward, but then once they understand it is easy.

If you are wanting to die, then you really need to seek professional help. There must be an underlying cause to why you want to die. Do you have any one reason that is keeping you from dying? For me it is my daughter. She is the one thing that keeps me going and is the one thing that got me to go into treatment. If you can find that one thing, it will help with your recovery if that is what you are wanting. Recovery only happens if you want it, not if someone else wants it for you. You have to want the help.

I hope this helps you a little bit.
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  #4  
Old Jul 18, 2012, 08:51 AM
loosethecordsoforio loosethecordsoforio is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by buttrfli42481 View Post
Do you have a treatment team besides your GP and pdoc? I have a dietician who weighs me once a week and doesn't tell me what I weigh. When I go to the dr, I get weighed blindly, so I have no clue how much I weigh and I am ok with that. If numbers freak you out, ask to not be told how much you weigh and get rid of the scale at home. I would get rid of that GP and get a new one who is more understanding of eating disorders. Anyone who tells an anorexic that they need to get another scale for home is crazy.

You mentioned that you are scared to gain weight, yet you are scared to lose more. This is very understandable. I was at that point when I found out how much I weigh. I now tell everyone who needs to weigh me, that I need to be weighed blind because I am anorexic. The first time or two is a bit awkward, but then once they understand it is easy.

If you are wanting to die, then you really need to seek professional help. There must be an underlying cause to why you want to die. Do you have any one reason that is keeping you from dying? For me it is my daughter. She is the one thing that keeps me going and is the one thing that got me to go into treatment. If you can find that one thing, it will help with your recovery if that is what you are wanting. Recovery only happens if you want it, not if someone else wants it for you. You have to want the help.

I hope this helps you a little bit.
thank you for replying! my g.p is leaving his practice next month to pursue a field he is now qualified to do. but, he is someone i am able to speak my mind with, including if i'm suicidal. i have an app. today with him. he's going to hear a lot about what i think of all he said at our last. app. you're right in that he doesn't understand eating problems! it was him who suggested that maybe i do want to die. my psychiatrist has had many patients with all kinds of eating disorders. he doesn't tell me i'm demented, or anything like that. i'm maintaining my weight right now. i tell him when i'm struggling about eating and he is ALWAYS helpful with that. i did suffer health consequences at one time, so that is something i keep in my mind .and i have a daughter i love very much. and also my running, which i love almost as much. and my husband, and my relationship with god, as well. yesterday, i couldn't finish a run i normally find effortless. and i have to consider whether my weight right now is going to have an affect as it did a few years ago. it's the same as when i started having problems before. i did consider not seeing him anymore, but i will feel much better to share what's been on my mind, including his leaving. i'm very worried about managing without him.
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  #5  
Old Jul 19, 2012, 10:00 AM
priscilla22 priscilla22 is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2012
Location: florida
Posts: 4
Hi, im Priscilla, im 21. I feel like im in the same boat as you almost. I am in denial about my weight and eating habits. Basically, I don't eat almost ever. I may eat a few chips throughout the day or a bit of pop corn or any small snack food but thats it/ I dont purge but like once a week I will eat alll day long for the whole day and then the rest of the week, I feel disgusting and wont eat. In 6 months I lost a lot of weight. I tell myself im fine, but everyone around me tells me I have anorexia. I dont want to believe that though. Hopefully me and you can talk about this subject together, I'd like that!

Last edited by Christina86; Jul 19, 2012 at 11:41 AM. Reason: numbers are not permitted in this forum
  #6  
Old Jul 20, 2012, 09:27 PM
loosethecordsoforio loosethecordsoforio is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2012
Location: b.c
Posts: 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by priscilla22 View Post
Hi, im Priscilla, im 21. I feel like im in the same boat as you almost. I am in denial about my weight and eating habits. Basically, I don't eat almost ever. I may eat a few chips throughout the day or a bit of pop corn or any small snack food but thats it/ I dont purge but like once a week I will eat alll day long for the whole day and then the rest of the week, I feel disgusting and wont eat. In 6 months I lost a lot of weight. I tell myself im fine, but everyone around me tells me I have anorexia. I dont want to believe that though. Hopefully me and you can talk about this subject together, I'd like that!
hi, priscilla! i hope i don't sound like a hypocrite, in asking if you're seeing a professional? i really don't want to trigger you or anyone else, by getting too explicit about my stuff. i'm told by my drs. that i'm in denial. it's very hard to see yourself as others do. take care, sweetheart
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