I can't agree with me

I don't know what to do. I know the longer I go on eating the low calories each day, the worse it will be. but I've been here so many times, arguing with myself. I know I should eat but part of me still feels like I'll be ugly and fat if I eat, and not eating makes me feel like I have control... and every time I give in, I eat only because I don't want to kill myself! I'm so sick of this. I want something to change, but I don't know how...

Can you force yourself to drink boost or any other thing like that? That would give you more cals. and nutrition. I find it easier to force myself to drink something than eat anything. If you can go to a dietitian then you may want to do that.

it's hard to eat when food becomes the epitome of everything you feel ashamed about and are angry with

i have been here, too.

I like the trying to drink something...even if it is a smoothie from a smoothie place? I know exactly what you mean, it's easier said than done...just sending hugs your way, and at least you are realizing that you are wanting to fight it...I am not sure how to go about fighting it though...!

My body and mind are in the same fight. half of me wants to eat and stay healthy the other darker side wants to stay thin at any cost. I have good time and then bad. At the moment I am at a bad time and trying to fight back but with no luck. may be I try the shake

At least you have that much logic & rational thinking going on for yourself. Hold onto this & you have a better fighting chance of winning over the ED.

The first time I struggles with anorexia.....I didn't have that fight within me any longer because of other issues that were going on in my life.

I know for me after being in the ED treatment hospital, they forced you to drink sustical any time you didn't eat all of your meal.....I got so sick on those drinks that I can't even drink them when my anorexia is under control & I just want something easy to get my some nutrition when I don't feel like cooking....tried several times....but just couldn't even swallow them. Don't think that the treatment centers know the damage they end up doing with the way they handled the eating there.JMO.....sure that others didn't react in the same way.

I should never visit this ED area of PC. I become very stressed when others talk about needing to eat, or being forced to eat. I hate everything about eating. I hate to see others eat. I hate the sound of someone eating. I hate the dirty dishes. I hate wet, sloppy food. I all makes me want to puke. The only thing I like to have is iced coffee and maybe some popcorn or raw vegetables. Sorry about your internal struggle. I am always on the side of, don't eat.