[serenity24]

I feel like im suffocating inside of myself.... im drowing in the thoughts of numbers the thoughts of calories, weight, food and restricting. I want to cryb but dont allow myself that emotion ever. I feel so stressed out right now. Im about to start my jjob back after a long leave of absence from bveing in a bad accident and am worried about that im not going to be able to concentrate.
I feel so torn....I still want to lose more weight bc when i look in the mirror i still see a large body but the mental aspect of the control is overwhelming me again. Ive had this disease for 30 years and dont know if Im ever going to be free.

[Madison Park]

I've been there. Do you sometimes suffer from bulimia too? I'm no longer doing the rituals of anorexia and bulimia, but think I will always have some of that mindset. I'm already thin, but I feel so much more powerful when I lose a little more weight. I think you can free yourself from this, but always be in some sort of recovery. I'm so sorry you have to give so much of your life to this. I hope that your return to work will go well.

[patheticgirl101]

I understand the whole calorie thing can completely take over your life and you are constantly thinking about it but maybe try to do things to keep your mind off calories. I understand it can control you. I hope your job will help you keep your mind off it, please be strong. Most importantly it's just your mind telling you to be smaller you are clouded from the truth. Try to not keep full length mirrors around the house, it can make it worse. and make a little note of what you actually like about your self. Attempt to make a list such as you like your personality, your eyes, so on. I know it sounds silly but i know it works for some people. I wish you good luck, I really do. Be safe