[celtic.starlite]

I can talk about the abu*e I have suffered throughout my life. I can talk about my anxiety, my depression, my PTSD, and I can even talk some about my SI (can talk a lot about it online). I have a hard time talking about my issues with eating.
About 10 years ago, I was diagnosed with anorexia. I can tell you that it started many years before that. Very recently, I've learned that there is a difference between anorexia and AN. Apparently anorexia is the lack of appetite. Anyways, that doesn't really matter, I'm avoiding talking. Sorry.
I haven't been eating much in the last two weeks again. I went from noon yesterday to now, 6:30pm, and all I've eaten is two eggs. I'm not hungry. I have lost nearly 5 pounds this week alone (don't worry I'm obese so I can stand to lose the weight). I'm so happy to see the pounds dropping off, but then today I recognized that I haven't been eating much again. I'm obsessed with weighing myself every day, sometimes multiple times a day. When I exercise, I push myself past my limit, to a point I nearly collapse. I can't have my foods touching. I can't eat around people.
I start with a new T this coming week. She specializes in EDs, and part of me wonders if that is partially why my old T transfered me to her. I know there are other reasons too. I'm terrified. I don't know that I want to work on it with her, yet at the same time, I do. I was to lose weight and I want to do it in a healthy way.
Anyways, not sure what I'm looking for with this post.

Celtic

[Altered Moment]

I hope someone can reply with more experience than me. I know depression and anxiety all to well. I would encourage you to be very honest with new T. I know it takes time to build trust but they are there to help.

[celtic.starlite]

Thank you .... I was trying to delete this post after I wrote it, but the delete option was not coming up for me.
I know you are right, and I really have to try hard to work through all of this because I'm hoping that by this time next year I can be starting my supervised clinicals in the mental health field. When I write posts like this or think like this, then I start to doubt myself.

Anyways, thanks for the view point and support.

Be well,

Celtic

[eskielover]

Actually Anorexia in & of itself usually starts from something other than body image issues for many people.....stress, abuse, trauma.....the weight loss starts......then there's a sort of addictive thing about loosing weight & it easy once the weight loss is started to do whatever it takes to make it continue.....then the body image stuff can start.

It's difficult because once you've been there, it seems like the triggers at least for me, start the weight loss all over again.

There are definitely different definitions of being anorexic.....as someone with cancer or an illness who looses so much weight down to skin & bones is also medically considered to be anorexic.....the term anorexic in itself means a certain % below the healthy BMI given height & weight.

It's true, the eating disorders treatment centers only focus on body image issues.....but the problem for me was that there were so many other issues that was just a very tiny part & wasn't what was the cause but small amounts that had never bothered me before were then when all the other things created the anorexic state which actually started when I was taking Prozac.....it created a massive weight loss with my metabolism....& then I kept it going......gained that back & more when I had horrible untreatable continuous migraines....but going through a trauma....dropped all that weight & more...not quite back down to the dangerous place I had been before but it was still dangerous enough that the hospital pdoc wasn't going to allow me to leave to go to my mother's funeral....I managed to sneek out AMA without the pdoc getting his hold put on me.....but I was really ill at that point.

It's important to have a T that you can discuss this with....to be able to talk about all the aspects & the emotions that are driving it & what were the triggers that started it in the first place.

For me underlying junk was never wanting to be as overweight as my mother.....she wasn't obese but she was larger for being the same height that I was......my view on it was what made me always cautious about my weight....but never did anything because it was easy to maintain with all the exercises I did.

It's worth it to take....because it is better to loose weight the healthy way then end up in the hospital on IV nutrition.....then maintain the low healthy weight.....that's what the T needs to be helping you focus on.

[celtic.starlite]

I have never been below a healthy BMI. I have only been at a healthy BMI weight once and even then I was at the high end one the healthy. I am currently in the Obese BMI range, but I'm considered annorexic because I eat less than 1000 calories a day. I average 600 calories a day. Nobody except the doctor and nutrionist believe me that I eat so little. Nobody ever sees me eat cause I won't eat in front of people.
I am an abuse survivor. I've been through a lot of trauma. Besides that, my weight has always been shoved in my face. When I was younger, I remember being at a restaurant with my best friend and her dad and I was full.... my friend said she was full so her dad told her to give me the rest of her food because I'd eat it. I was so sick afterwards. My family makes jokes about my weight. My mom has to always remind me that I'd be pretty of I just lost the weight. When I did make it down to the healthy BMI I was still being told by my family that I needed to lose more weight. I recently began to lose the weight again (10 pounds in two weeks), and I decided to look up the BMI for my height and age. A healthy BMI for me is 105 to 135 pounds. I want to get down to the 105. I have become obsessed with the scale again. Weighed myself five times yesterday and three today but I'm doing one more before bed. I know weight flexes and they say weigh yourself once a week, but I can't help it. I need to lose the weight.

Celtic

[eskielover]

If you understand how everyone's body works especially until there is no more fat & it starts eating the muscle, when we give our body that low amount of calories, it goes into starvation mode even though the weight is there & the body refuses to give up what fat it has. It sounds like you need to find a good dietitian who can help you determine what foods to eat that help burn calories rather than reducing them by what you eat.....also what you eat in those calories will also make the difference. Also there can be problems with the bodies thyroid that can cause a retention of weight....so maybe a good MD/GP appointment might be a good place to start also......but starving the body isn't going to help especially if you really want to be healthy. Getting down to a good weight can be done in a healthy way that will work much better & faster actually than trying to starve yourself.

Maybe your new T will be the one who can really help you not only get to the weight you desire but help you get there in a healthy way.

[celtic.starlite]

I had a doctor and nutionist about 8 years ago, but when I moved I didn't look for new ones (mostly money reasons but also out of fear). They told me my body was in starvation mode. They also are the ones who told me I was annorexic.
Most of the time I am not purposefully staving myself, and that is apparently the difference between AN and anorexia. I don't have an appetite, I get full faster than most people.
I don't have any type of junk food in my house, and rarely eat junk food outside of my house. I eat a bunch of veggies, and some fruit... I would have to say that bread is my junk food. I have probably 3-4 pieces of bread in a day. I do know that the nutritionist I was seeing told me only 2 pieces of bread OR 2 servings of starch a day.
I have had many labs run, including thyroid, and everything comes back normal. I have a vit D deficiency which is normal for people who live where I live because of how long of a winter we have and not a lot of sun. The only other lab that came back sightly lower than normal is my protein.
I'm hoping you are right about my new T, but I'm scared. People don't believe me when I mention how little I eat, because they look at my weight and because I'm fat it must mean I eat all junk food and I must eat all the time.
Thank you Eskielover, I appreciate the support.

[Lady Lindsey]

Originally Posted by celtic.starlite

I can talk about the abu*e I have suffered throughout my life. I can talk about my anxiety, my depression, my PTSD, and I can even talk some about my SI (can talk a lot about it online). I have a hard time talking about my issues with eating.
About 10 years ago, I was diagnosed with anorexia. I can tell you that it started many years before that. Very recently, I've learned that there is a difference between anorexia and AN. Apparently anorexia is the lack of appetite. Anyways, that doesn't really matter, I'm avoiding talking. Sorry.
I haven't been eating much in the last two weeks again. I went from noon yesterday to now, 6:30pm, and all I've eaten is two eggs. I'm not hungry. I have lost nearly 5 pounds this week alone (don't worry I'm obese so I can stand to lose the weight). I'm so happy to see the pounds dropping off, but then today I recognized that I haven't been eating much again. I'm obsessed with weighing myself every day, sometimes multiple times a day. When I exercise, I push myself past my limit, to a point I nearly collapse. I can't have my foods touching. I can't eat around people.
I start with a new T this coming week. She specializes in EDs, and part of me wonders if that is partially why my old T transfered me to her. I know there are other reasons too. I'm terrified. I don't know that I want to work on it with her, yet at the same time, I do. I was to lose weight and I want to do it in a healthy way.
Anyways, not sure what I'm looking for with this post.

Celtic

I think I can talk about some things easier with my T than others. I have 'touched' on the subject now and then just to see her reaction, which is none.... I have patterns and when one coping skill is not helping release the pressure, I move on to another. Right now Pills (prescribed, but self medicating) along with not eating much seems to be helping me cope.)

Like you, I am in the normal BMI range, but when I started therapy a year ago I was 50 pounds heavier (some of that was due to the steroids I was on to help with the accident I was in)..... But I don't think T's take it serious unless you are skin and bones... and I for one have never been skin and bones.... in College I use to eat everything around and then purge, later, I would eat everyone's food, of roommates, purge and then go to the store and have to rebuy everything so they didn't know..... I was trying to feel an empty hole...

This whole not eating seems to be feeling a different need for me, but I am not sure what it is.. possibly this is the same for you?
I weigh myself at least 3 or 4 times a day, if I go up a pound, I start to panic, but I am now average normal BMI and I know I am still a long way from trouble until I get 11% under normal BMI... so I just like not eating, and like you I am not hungry, it feels good to loose weight, although I still feel as fat as I did 50 pounds ago....
I understand not being hungry, I try hard to drink an atkins drink in the morning for protein and to take vitamins,,, sometimes I can only get half that down.... someday I get that and maybe a small amount of protein or low carb item down.. but leave most of it....

So I think maybe you and I are going through the same thing... loosing weight feels good.. especially when you are not hungry doing it.... I think the worry I have and maybe you do too, is that it's almost like an addiction.... I like it, I don't want to quit and it is helping me cope... not sure from what..... but it is..

Maybe that is why your T transferred you, to help you cope? I don't think you or I are as much focused on the body image as much as maybe it is connected to some sort of trauma??? that we are trying to cope with????

I don't know just kinda a guess... but that is the best I can offer