[Beanbag0]

I want to be sick! I'm so scared for Friday, my dad is weighing me and I don't think I can stand on that scale again....I would rather jump off a bridge or role myself down the stairs, anything. I can't sleep or breath! I've had blood noses and shortness of breath I'm so stressed! I've also started cutting again to keep some control over my body, it's mine and I should be able to do what I want with it.

[kaliope]

i can understand why you find this so terrifying and are struggling for some control. your dad obviously cares about you and wants to see you get healhty. i hope there are more appropriate steps like counseling for treatment going on. please take care of yourslef.

[pinkflower17]

Originally Posted by Beanbag0

I want to be sick! I'm so scared for Friday, my dad is weighing me and I don't think I can stand on that scale again....I would rather jump off a bridge or role myself down the stairs, anything. I can't sleep or breath! I've had blood noses and shortness of breath I'm so stressed! I've also started cutting again to keep some control over my body, it's mine and I should be able to do what I want with it.

I agree. Is your dad doing anything else other than weighing you to help you with your eating issues?

[Beanbag0]

No... he keeps threatening me about taking things I love away if I don't put on or forcing me to eat foods he likes and not what I like...

[pinkflower17]

Originally Posted by Beanbag0

No... he keeps threatening me about taking things I love away if I don't put on or forcing me to eat foods he likes and not what I like...

I think he has the best of intentions, but he's just out of his league here, he's probably scared and confused and just doesn't know what to do. This is exactly what my dad did when I first started having problems with anorexia almost 20 years ago. Except in my case, it actually got to the point where child protective services got called because my school was worried about my weight and my dad never tried to get me "help", he just tried to force me to eat. I think he really did want to help, he just didn't get it, didn't understand. It caused problems for him that I didn't want b/c he's an attorney. So, I have a couple suggestions before it gets to that point; a) can you try talking to your school counselor/guidance counselor? They're usually well educated in eating disorders and should be able to at least provide some resources and act as an intermediate between your father and you b) I'm not sure exactly how old you are, don't take offense to this, but you sound fairly young, I'm not sure you're old enough to drive? Can you ask your dad to take you to the doctor? Tell him it's for anything. Tell him you don't feel well, tell him you're having period problems (I'm guessing you are), or try telling him you want to talk to a doctor about your eating habits, if you think you can. And then tell the doctor what's going on. They should pick up the pieces and direct you in the right direction towards getting into some therapy and further treatment, which I think you desperately need. or c) If you can't do any of this, is there another adult in your life you can talk to who could maybe try to talk to your father? A friend of the family, a friend's parent, a teacher, someone from church etc?

I hope you find someone. And I hope you figure something out. You're heading down a dangerous, heart breaking, miserable path.
Let me know if I can do anything to help.

[Beanbag0]

I don't know if I can talk about it to anyone, I'm so embarrassed and don't know what to say even if I went to my doctor...

[pinkflower17]

Originally Posted by Beanbag0

I don't know if I can talk about it to anyone, I'm so embarrassed and don't know what to say even if I went to my doctor...

Oh kiddo, it's nothing to be embarrassed about. Trust me. I'm a physician and the things people say.....this doesn't make it onto the scale. I think the easiest thing if I was in your shoes, would be to kind of put it on your parents, that would kind of take the pressure off of you. Frame it something like; "my dad's been freaking out and trying to weigh me all the time because he's worried about my weight, what should I do"? They should take it completely from there regarding asking questions about weight loss, eating habits, purging and exercise behaviors, fears of gaining weight etc. I know how hard it is. I can remember wanting my doctor to ask me about my weight so many times and she never did even though I was stupidly underweight, sometimes people don't see what's right in front of their faces until they're made to. Unfortunately, that's true for docs as well. I have a feeling you might not even have to bring it up if you went to the doctor, he/she may do it for you, but if you do, that's how I'd go about it.
Good luck. Please, please make an appt. You're heading further and further down a dangerous road, my friend.
Hang in there.

[eskielover]

I've also started cutting again to keep some control over my body, it's mine and I should be able to do what I want with it.

Remember what you are doing to your body is passive suicide & that's not something that a parent is really keen on sitting back & watching happen without taking some kind of action to try & get you to see what you are doing to yourself...maybe in his own strange way he hopes that you get sick of the way he's treating you & thinks that you will change to stop him from doing that.......it's obvious that he doesn't understand ED's.

It's better for an MD to be the one involved in your treatment....know that my MD was the one that basically kept me alive for many years during the difficult times......I didn't want to live so I really didn't care what I was doing to myself.....but at that point, I was 42 & in a 20 year + horrible marriage & wanted out no matter what I had to do & vanishing into nothingness sounded good to me......but recovery can happen.....& dealing with the issues (control) that are causing you to be in that situation in the first place is an important place to start.

[mk10022]

Your dad loves you and wants his daughter back. Relinquish CONTROL. It will slowly starve you, tell you you look fat, your heart will start to slow down because your body needs protein and that means muscles. If you don't feed your body, your body will feed on itself. That is starvation.

Maybe you can read a real life beautiful young talented singer life story, Carol Carpenter. She is no longer with us. She chose to use many tricks when it came to scale. Please have courage and let you dad help you.

Take it one day at a time. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery, today is a "Present".

Best,

Mia

[eskielover]

Maybe you can read a real life beautiful young talented singer life story, Carol Carpenter. She is no longer with us.

Actually it was Karen Carpenter......very popular singer back in my day.