[milkSometimes]

Interested in your opinions.

Ive never self identified with the term, or tried to, until an observant boyfriend of mine started claiming I must be one. At first I didn't realize he was serious.

I never really thought of it, but after reading many 'symptoms' and stories of the supposed diagnosed, I realized I shared many of them. I feel indifferent about it either way, but I am after more insight. If my difference is not sociopathy, I would like to spend my time finding out what else it might be. I don't want to be constrained by a psychological label if I consult a real psychologist, so I imagine this is the next best thing.

Some of my notable qualities are as follows:
• narcissistic
• lacking guilt; unempathetic
• I do not understand the desire for friendships
• superficial friendships
• bored easily, cut off friends, romantic partners, quit jobs etc, once they don't amuse me or don't benefit
• am left clueless with how to console someone who is upset - have often been criticized for this repeatedly
• possibly unrelated, but I seem to copy others speech patterns, their laughter, etc - often told I have an accent but their guess on it always changes
• don't pick up right away on certain emotion based social cues

For a couple examples of that last one:

• VP of a company I worked for was discussing with me something he must have considered a personal or emotional issue; he tells me I can speak freely and I don't need to be afraid of him. He really emphasizes this. I do not understand. I look at him blank for a moment and he repeated himself. 'I don't fear you. Why would I?' Was my automatic response - or something equally inappropriate. He explained something like: 'I know I'm your boss in a way, you don't have to be afraid though'. I was dumb founded. Why should I fear him, why did he think I feared him? Later it set in that people are supposed to have or display a little bit of healthy fear towards their boss or authority figures.

• or the other day, my latest boyfriend got mad at me. 'You can't just guilt me into having sex with you. Sexual attraction is about more than appearance, why can't you understand that?' Again, I didn't know what he wanted. It never occurred to me people wanted to have sex for reasons beyond physically. He got angry and left the room and I felt a little pleased I could push him like that, but also annoyed I wasn't getting ****ed. At the same time I really enjoy the times he is not easy to persuade, I like challenges and I can't see any enjoyment coming from doing this with someone too easy to influence.

I've also done things like gotten people fired or persuaded others they are not the right fit for a job title, so that I can advance instead. It was nothing personal, I just wanted it more than they did, I feel.

I've stolen, but not often and I don't feel a deep need to. I've also done many drugs or such things, but I've never felt the need to break laws or commit crime for no reason. I've never been fired - my work peers always like me.

I also do think I feel lots of emotions, just not how everyone else seems to. I spent a large portion of my childhood thinking I was smarter than the other kids, then my teens thinking other people must all be faking the things they feel: friendship, bonds, concern or care for others. I still sort of think they do, like they want to look good for society's standards and that's why they act so different than I feel. I am still eager to think they and I are the same.

I have read many self diagnosed sociopaths saying they don't cry or anything like that other than as an act. This is something else I do not understand and a large part of why I think I may not be a sociopath. I can cry over things - usually my own loss. I cry for myself and my feelings, but not for others and theirs. I once met a man I think was a true sociopath through in through. He started wooing me and trying to make us out to be alike. I had already heard much of him and saw in him a bit of me. I knew what he was trying to do. I played the game. I left him hints though. I had wanted, if he didn't see it already, to see the real reasons I thought he and I were the same - not the personas we were playing each other with. We made a game of it. Both of us wanted to win -- wanted to be the one to have control over the other. It was not properly spoken but I think we both understood it. I spent my time studying what i thought he felt was perfect and acted it. Eventually i feigned wanting a relationship, hoping this would entrap him. He refused but continued to try to hold my attention, but when I pushed he ran away. I felt very angry. I felt that this man, who by all means should have been mine, got away. I'm sure he felt he 'won'. I have on occasion cried over this. Despite my new exploits I can't stand the idea I didn't 'win' him. I felt a great deal of infatuation over it, I thought I'd played my role so perfectly. Most claimed sociopaths do not seem to claim they are upset over lost conquests. So does this also indicate I am not one?

In relationships in general, whether I am with guys or girls, I am very generous. I give endlessly attention, time and gifts. I figure out what their perfect is and I become it. It's only when I get bored or feel like I'm not getting enough back that I get abusive. If the person is only infatuated with me and doesn't act as a challenge, I'll cut them off without word or notice. Not worth my time. If the abuse doesn't get me what I want, I might mourn my infatuations a little (if they were someone I was infatuated with), then out they go.

I've come to think I could simple be a little damaged, and it presents itself similarly to sociopathy. But I'd like input, so I may better come to my own decision.

[sociopathbg]

I can relate to some extent to your post (e.g. the lack of empathy, or the friendships stuff), and I see a lot of sociopathic traits in you, but the feelings leave me a little bit confused. Still I think you're likely a sociopath.

[Atypical_Disaster]

It sounds like you have a lot of sociopathic traits if what you've written here is truthful.

[milkSometimes]

Originally Posted by sociopathbg

I can relate to some extent to your post (e.g. the lack of empathy, or the friendships stuff), and I see a lot of sociopathic traits in you, but the feelings leave me a little bit confused. Still I think you're likely a sociopath.

I read on one of your other posts you mentioned you have cerebral palsy? I was born with mild cerebral palsy in my knees; no longer seems to pose an issue, though. Interesting we have that in common, isn't it?

[milkSometimes]

Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster

It sounds like you have a lot of sociopathic traits if what you've written here is truthful.

I have no reason to be dishonest, really.

Ive glanced at a few things on this forum and I find it interesting so many people say, "if you're being honest" or "as long as you're not lying" sort of thing. Like they're afraid of being fooled, if the person happens to be lying.

It's not like anyone but the original poster would really know. Have you been tricked in the past?

[Mattmx]

Originally Posted by milkSometimes

I have no reason to be dishonest, really.

Ive glanced at a few things on this forum and I find it interesting so many people say, "if you're being honest" or "as long as you're not lying" sort of thing. Like they're afraid of being fooled, if the person happens to be lying.

It's not like anyone but the original poster would really know. Have you been tricked in the past?

The thing that makes me personally skeptical of posts here often is the fact that people can think they're "sociopaths" almost as a coping mechanism. They've done out of order things, and had previous bad relationships so they cope by putting the blame on something else. Also, relationship wise, they try to release themselves of their feeling of inadequacy by saying they controlled the relationship to feel less hurt. It may not be true, but they build that image in their head.

[BreakForTheLight]

I'm sorry this doesn't really help OP at all but I'm just curious.... I know nothing about sociopaths or AsPD so I'm just wondering what makes people here think that the things listed could really mean sociopath and not something like autism? Maybe the abusive part does sound like a sociopath trait but the rest? OP does have emotions but can't understand other people's?

[sociopathbg]

Originally Posted by milkSometimes

I read on one of your other posts you mentioned you have cerebral palsy? I was born with mild cerebral palsy in my knees; no longer seems to pose an issue, though. Interesting we have that in common, isn't it?

Yeah, it's really interesting

[milkSometimes]

Originally Posted by Mattmx

The thing that makes me personally skeptical of posts here often is the fact that people can think they're "sociopaths" almost as a coping mechanism. They've done out of order things, and had previous bad relationships so they cope by putting the blame on something else. Also, relationship wise, they try to release themselves of their feeling of inadequacy by saying they controlled the relationship to feel less hurt. It may not be true, but they build that image in their head.

That makes sense, of course. Its an interesting take on why someone would lie. I like it. But whether someone is lying or not seems irrelevant. The poster would know they're lying to themselves (unless they're delusional). I suppose it wouldn't be helpful to confirm someones delusion, but in that case putting a 'if you aren't lying' sort of disclaimer probably won't dissuade them.

Granted, I have no experience in this forum and am not intending to be offensive. Just more understanding.

[milkSometimes]

Originally Posted by BreakForTheLight

I'm sorry this doesn't really help OP at all but I'm just curious.... I know nothing about sociopaths or AsPD so I'm just wondering what makes people here think that the things listed could really mean sociopath and not something like autism? Maybe the abusive part does sound like a sociopath trait but the rest? OP does have emotions but can't understand other people's?

I'm open to discussion. Ultimately I wanted to understand myself better in posting here. I did look into things like female autism and other mental ailments and personality disorders - but found none fit me as well. Short of NPD, but I have read being so open to having NPD mostly disqualifies you from it, as most people with NPD are (at least at first) unwilling to admit that as their "one true fault".

As I said in OP, I'm ready to admit I may just be different than the societal standard and there is no mental disorder behind it. Before others accused me of it, I didn't put much thought into how my behavior affected my life. I did see a youth psychiatrist as a preteen as well, and she did throw around the word 'personality disorder' but was hesitant to push it well I was so young. At the time I could not have cared about it less and stopped seeing her. So, though she may have not been correct since she did not want to properly diagnose me, the memory fuels my curiosities a little more.

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by milkSometimes

I have no reason to be dishonest, really.

Ive glanced at a few things on this forum and I find it interesting so many people say, "if you're being honest" or "as long as you're not lying" sort of thing. Like they're afraid of being fooled, if the person happens to be lying.

It's not like anyone but the original poster would really know. Have you been tricked in the past?

I'm a skeptic by nature and considering the sheer number of posts in this forum from people asking if they're sociopathic when it's often a coping mechanism as Matt said... Yes, I do put that disclaimer.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by milkSometimes

Interested in your opinions.

but I am after more insight. If my difference is not sociopathy, I would like to spend my time finding out what else it might be.

I've come to think I could simple be a little damaged, and it presents itself similarly to sociopathy. But I'd like input, so I may better come to my own decision.

We have to learn how to behave with others and practice it growing up. Just because one has not, does not make a sociopath. The clue is your constant not understanding situations? It is not a whole lot different from school, you get in the wrong math class and you don't understand either? It's just "emotions" class rather than math. Too, you have too much interest in insight and have noticed differences on your own and wondered at them; sociopaths don't care about that, either, that part of their brains doesn't work.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...ath-psychopath

[milkSometimes]

Originally Posted by Perna

We have to learn how to behave with others and practice it growing up. Just because one has not, does not make a sociopath. The clue is your constant not understanding situations? It is not a whole lot different from school, you get in the wrong math class and you don't understand either? It's just "emotions" class rather than math. Too, you have too much interest in insight and have noticed differences on your own and wondered at them; sociopaths don't care about that, either, that part of their brains doesn't work.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...ath-psychopath

Thank you. The logic of this statement is largely what I had been after.

[Mattmx]

Originally Posted by Perna

We have to learn how to behave with others and practice it growing up. Just because one has not, does not make a sociopath. The clue is your constant not understanding situations? It is not a whole lot different from school, you get in the wrong math class and you don't understand either? It's just "emotions" class rather than math. Too, you have too much interest in insight and have noticed differences on your own and wondered at them; sociopaths don't care about that, either, that part of their brains doesn't work.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...ath-psychopath

Eh, I wouldn't say socio/psychopaths don't notice differences in themselves, if anything I would say I'm more self aware than the average person and I without a doubt see my differences. Where people with these conditions vary is that even though we notice differences, there is no desire to actually change. They're differences, not defects. Sure, molding myself to fit situations in my life may be seen as change to others, but at the core I'm still the same old me. I just tweaked how others see me, not how I am on the inside.

[CrossHeirs]

Originally Posted by milkSometimes

I have no reason to be dishonest, really.

Ive glanced at a few things on this forum and I find it interesting so many people say, "if you're being honest" or "as long as you're not lying" sort of thing. Like they're afraid of being fooled, if the person happens to be lying.

It's not like anyone but the original poster would really know. Have you been tricked in the past?

Though it might seem repugnant, some people are less than truthful in their pursuits to validate their ideas. Psychological manipulation, gas lighting, and threats of suicide are prime examples.

“Come now, let us reason together," says the LORD: "though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool."

[mr.Paraplegarino]

I believe what you are discussing is psychopathy. Psychopathy=detached. Sociopathy=erratic behavior.
Both lack empathy and remorse.

[HeavyMetalLover]

Originally Posted by mr.Paraplegarino

I believe what you are discussing is psychopathy. Psychopathy=detached. Sociopathy=erratic behavior.
Both lack empathy and remorse.

I've been searching for a clear-ish way to distinguish psycopathy & sociopathy. Most books on the topic seem to use these terms interchangeably. I've wondered for years, for my ex husband was diagnosed as having ASPD with sociopathic traits.

Thank you for your input in this thread!! Anyway, I will now exit myself from said thread for I think I've just found out what I was looking for anyway. Thank you and good-bye!

I personally think that modern psychology has gotten out of hand with all of the labels and criteria for diagnosing certain mental illnesses; I believe things are best kept simple first and only expanded upon when necessary.

With that being said, I believe that out of all of the traits listed as criteria for being diagnosed as a sociopath/ASPD, there is one trait that I think is more important than the rest of them combined: does the person feel guilt? If somebody is incapable of feeling guilt, I think that they could be considered a sociopath regardless of how many other traits of sociopathy they possess.

Then again, I'm no expert; I'm merely somebody who reads a lot.

Well I don't venture of my own forum much but pushed this accidentally. After reading I have decided to speak here for a moment. Being that I am my own expert it seems that you have found yourself with the wrong crowd. Come on over to the NPD forum, I think it may suit you better. Than I can stick my own claws in on the proper ground. Ha ha ha ha

Originally Posted by Underground

Well I don't venture of my own forum much but pushed this accidentally. After reading I have decided to speak here for a moment. Being that I am my own expert it seems that you have found yourself with the wrong crowd. Come on over to the NPD forum, I think it may suit you better. Than I can stick my own claws in on the proper ground. Ha ha ha ha

But I like showing off my knowledge. How very narcissistic of me HAHAHA

No worries though, I'll be active in the NPD forum later

Darkness I am laughing REALLY now. As much as I love seeing you in my world I was speaking to the OP. Thanks though for getting up on that for a brief moment!!! LOL

What's up with so many jumping forum to forums so much here. Are we of the multiple diagnosed??? Just want to stay informed on channel psych central news at 5.

oh and to answer the original question I exhibit "me". Not a definition by another!!

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by Underground

Well I don't venture of my own forum much but pushed this accidentally. After reading I have decided to speak here for a moment. Being that I am my own expert it seems that you have found yourself with the wrong crowd. Come on over to the NPD forum, I think it may suit you better. Than I can stick my own claws in on the proper ground. Ha ha ha ha

Indeed... Lol. And reading through all these responses to this topic made me laugh a lot. It's funny, everyone keeps talking even though I stopped posting in this topic a bit ago, HA!

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by Underground

Darkness I am laughing REALLY now. As much as I love seeing you in my world I was speaking to the OP. Thanks though for getting up on that for a brief moment!!! LOL

Who else would you be referring to?