I think I might have ASPD

Hello,
My name is Matt, and I'm going to cut right to the chase with this one. I believe I might be a sociopath, but I am not sure if that is because I am one, or if I am just trying to search for the easiest explanation for my actions and who I am. I'll try to give you as many details as I can to help give a full view on my life and why I believe I may be a sociopath as well as why I may not be (If I can remember some reasons I thought of before).
First a little bit of basics: I am a 20 year old Caucasian male, and a very logical thinker.
My whole life for as long as I can remember I have been extremely gifted in lying. I don't know when it actually started but I know that in kindergarten, I told the first lie that I got caught in by blaming another kid for knocking down a caterpillar in a cocoon in our classroom that we were observing. I did not knock it down intentionally but I did blame the other boy intentionally. I knew I could blame him because his mom was friends with mine, so if I told my mom he did it word would get back to the teacher and his mother. I cannot recall how I got caught, but somehow they found out. Anyways, ever since then I can recall being able to lie to anyone without it phasing me at all, even if I didn't have to.
Another trait that I've noticed I have that seems to match a sociopath is a lack of empathy for others. I have never in my life been able to feel bad for someone else that I know of, or feel proud of them. I currently have a girlfriend who I love, but I don't know if I love her because of who she is or what she can provide me. I try to think of the answer and I feel like it's all just a calculation, even though I know I would be hurt if she broke up with me. I constantly am in arguments with my parents and don't really have anyone I would consider a friend like the definition. The only time I really talk to a "friend" is if I need something, or I'm bored trying to pass the time. I can steal from anyone, whether it be a neighbor, my parents, a friend, or a stranger and honestly feel no guilt or remorse, unless I am caught.
I can also read people's emotions and what they want to hear and/or are looking for very easily. If someone comes to me seeking advice on a relationship, or even just self worth because they are having a hard time I can almost always make them feel better. I'm not sure if I do this to keep them around, or because I care about them. The flip side to this is if someone upsets me, I can find the exact way to inflict as much emotional pain on them as I feel necessary, without feeling remorse. I've almost never apologized, and when I do I don't mean it and just do it because I have to to get something or to stop someone from nagging me.
The last little bit about myself I'm going to include in this post is that I have a very explosive temper, to the point where I get violent. I can go from cold to 100% hot and angry in a split second. The other day I wanted to go get some cigarettes so I asked my mom if I could take the car to go say hi to my girlfriend and drop off some electrical tape for her mom (her mom didn't need it) and when she said she'd just bring me over, I flipped out and threw a ton of stuff, punched things, ended up punching our outside steel door so hard I left dents in it and cracked the frame around the top hinge. I also have a substance problem, and will really do whatever I can to get drunk or high, except for stupid stuff like huffing gas or something i think might really damage or kill me.
If you could please get back to me that would be great. If you have any questions I'm open to answer anything. Oh, and I forgot to mention the one reason I feel like I am not a sociopath! I've contemplate suicide, not how but just the thought of offing myself but decide it'd be a bad idea because I don't want to do that to my girlfriend. Don't worry, I'm not suicidal now I don't think I would ever go through with it anyways. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I hope to hear from you soon.

thanks for being so open and fullsome, Matt. i would like to point out the difference between Sociopath and Psychopath. it is generally agreed that Psychopathy is a form of birth defect, in which part of the brain never develops, the amygdala, i think. Sociopathy, on the other hand is generally considered to be the result of early abuse and neglect.

for the individual and society there is very little difference. all of the "symptoms" you describe are present in both diagnoses. additionally, if there is physical violence in the home in later childhood, this seems to be the precipitating condition for violent anti-social behaviors. otherwise, psychopaths often hide in successful positions such as corporate CEO's and such.

there is another "co-morbid" (appearing together) dysfunction, called explosive rage disorder, which it sounds like you might have. tho some people with psychopathy don't demonstrate it, most do. there is no known "cure" or successful treatment for this condition, sadly, and the people with it often also have very poor impulse control, and difficulty learning from experience.

what i have seen is that people with either of these disorders do not associate with others like themselves, finding that boring or antagonizing. so some say it is like a wolf in a herd of sheep. i prefer to think of people more like goats ,, clever and more aggressive, but it takes all kinds,,,, as you well know.

the one thing i have heard from people with Psychopathy, that helps them to function, is to lay down rules for their own behavior, and then put their considerable intellect to work on sticking to those rules. i hope you find this reply helpful, and reliable. and i hope you find the trick to managing your anger. that alone will serve you well~

best wishes~
Gus

You said you only feel remorse if you get caught?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thanks for the reply gus! it was very informative indeed, but I still feel like after reading your description I haven't been able to fully show my view of the world. I'm currently talking to my girlfriend about it (not that i think I'm a sociopath or psychopath, just the fact that I don't really care for anyone but her) and I feel like I hit a few good points with her I'd like to add:
Someone who I would call my best friend just had a kid, and I wasn't even phased by it. Even my girlfriend was jumping with joy and she's never even met this girl. I feel like if I didn't need someone, I don't want them.

there are more things than aspd that can explain your behaviors. If I were in your position, I would research every possible thing that relates to all of what you are concerned about, and with reason rule out possibilities until you come to a conclusion. Then I would go and do some tests and see a psychiatrist for their super long test, and see the outcome of that compared to what I had already come up with.

I've done research on just about every possibility honestly and this one seems to fit the bill almost perfectly..I've looked into pretty much every disorder there is including the various spectrums of autism..however I do not want to go to see a psychiatrist and talk to them about ASPD because I don't want anyone I know personally to think I have that at all, even if it turns out I don't.

sociopath is a term that annoys me as I think it's mosty made up. Anti-social personality is different from physcopathy and it seems your using the term sociopath to describe what u think is physcopathy. 1. it is a common misconception that physcopaths have no empathy. I have always believed it was stupid to think that any life form can exsist without feelings as we use them to determine danger etc and also why would any physcopath ever kill if they had no feelings? Also I want to point out that feelings and empathy are 2 very diferent things, I simply spoke like eveyone else does in that last sentence cos thats what people are used to. Recent study has found that physcopaths don't automatically use thier empathy (brain imaging or something was used, they showed physcopaths vs other people images of people being hurt etc and watched what thier brains did) Now the first time physcopaths didn't use there empathy (mirro effect whatever) yet when asked before they were shown images to empathize- they found that the physcopaths had basically the same brain imaging as the control people, in other words they activated their empathy- so they do have it but it turns on and off- they don't yet know if it can be conciously triggered or happens automatically/ sub- conciously. 2. there are many many more misconceptions about both physcopaths and anti-socials, best way to find real info is to find doctor who has real and long term experiance with this type of disorder- on the internet there are many 'experts' who are just spouting stupid crap the saw in a movie that is so far from the truth it is laughable. I am going to be honest I didn't read ur whole post cos I really can't be bothered and I'm in a bit of a mood so whatever.. oh and the difference between feelings and empathy that most stupid people don't differentiate between are that feeling or emotions are ones own for ones self where as empathy is feeling for someone else.

1. It is a lack of empathy in the sense that you do not have feelings towards others. I do not believe it is a void of feelings completely as I KNOW I have feelings.
em·pa·thy
ˈempəTHē/Submit
noun
1.
the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

2. You seem to really be going with your guns out to try to prove that you are unique, and that you are much different than others. Honestly reading your posts I wouldn't think you were a sociopath as you care WAY too much about what others think and feel.

"sociopath" and "psychopath" are both forms of Anti-social Personality Disorder. They are not "made up" terms and have been used for a very very long time. Using the term ASPD is relatively new in comparison. There are many misconceptions, but I suggest you do some more research.

I agree 100% if anything most people are confused by the term ASPD and do not realize what it really means.

Welcome to our humble abode, monsieur!

I'd typically have more input, but Gus & OCDWife did a good job with the basics... What is more important than the label is recognizing the behaviours & serve yourself with them. Keep the good, trash the bad. And by bad I don't mean immoral -- I mean traits/behaviours that get in the watcof functioning or getting what you want.

A great Neitzsche quote I read in "The Wisdom of Psychopaths states this concept well:
The great epochs of our lives are the occasions when we gain the courage to rebaptize our evil qualities as our best qualities."

I hope I've been helpful. Not online as much as I used to be, but feel free to PM. Either for my amazing insight or out of boredom!

You've been very helpful I agree 100% the diagnosis and disorder is just a title, and trying to better yourself specifically towards what you want is the best way to cope with a disorder to me. I have my own sets of rules I've been trying to develop to keep myself out of jail and be successful...first on the list is try to help others

LOL I was typing my post before I got ignored.

Matt - I think we can officially start the Cool Club now. You can be president.

He doesn't bother me, stuff like this can be quite entertaining.

Okay, you can keep the ASPD title -- it's cool but don't wave it around like a flag unless you want some real questions asked.

Ask away if you'd like lol