[sherrilanna]

Hi, My name is Sherril and I live in Massachusetts. I've been diagnosed as depressed, anxiety ridden and panic struck for the past 23 years. My father committed suicide when I was 14. I believe he was diagnosed as schizophrenic. He was 44 years old...I am 41.
My life is good~I have nothing to complain about. I have a wonderful husband, 4 children, and a pretty good extended family. I don't work outside the home...there's plenty to do here!! lol
I am suffering badly from anxiety and I believe I have OCD.... I am completely obsessed about NOT getting sick. I am constantly washing my hands, making sure my children are washing their hands, constantly cleaning items, the bathrooms, doorknobs & cabinet handles, etc...etc.
I was recently sick with a sinus infection and was in bed for 2 days. I seriously thought of suicide...
I think of suicide each day. The only thing that keeps me here is my family. I live in an isolated country area and really have no friends. I have plenty of "acquaintances", but NO friends.
I have been in therapy since November. I hate that my doctor has me on 4 different meds...nothing is working. I am afraid to go anywhere else... no one else has been able to help me in 23 years... I've had many doctors, I've read A LOT of books, been on a lot of websites, taken yoga, gone swimming, exercised and changed my diet.
Each nite I have trouble falling asleep. I feel as though if I wasn't on "sleep meds", that I wouldn't fall asleep at all. As soon as I wake up, I am full of panic.
I need some serious advice...some serious help. Each day is a struggle to stay alive. Please, anyone...feel free to write me....
I look forward to hearing from you.
Sherril

[thunderbear]

Hi. I just to let you know that your not alone with all that. I have the same problems too. But I don't take any meds. But what I do try to do (I'm still learning how to) is to focus my thoughts on something else. Like reading or the T.V.. My friend told me to light a candle and watch the flame. That helps too. Sometimes when I'm having those bad "s" thoughts, I go outside with my dog and walk around in the woods. I concentrate on everything I see like the trees, or concetrate on how the wind feels. It sounds kooky but it really helps get my mind away from the negative stuff and it helps to get the sick knot out of my stomach. You ought to try that out with your meds mabye it will help you. I hope you get better. I know how it feels to have those thoughts and feelings.

[Ann1944]

I am new also. Having a pet helps. They give you love with no strings attached. Together with the people here we will grow.

[WondrWoman]

Dear Sherrilana,
Don't stop seeing your dr. and therapist. Don't stop your meds without their guidance. I had a good friend who was a lot like you but she wouldn't even admit that she had a problem. I struggled with Panic attacks about 4 years ago and even ended up in the hospital because I thought I was having a heart attack! I researched and learned a few things like deep breathing and talking to myself when I felt my body going crazy. I started thinking about those swamis and even Harry Houdini who can slow their heart rates down just by concentrating. Or Karate and all the focus it takes to break a board or cinder block through focus. So when I felt my body going nuts and my heart start to race, I sat up in bed, or slowly walked around and focused on breathing deeply and slowly. I told my mind to shut up and relax. Controlling self-talk really helped me. I used to live isolated in the country with no job and a bunch of kids to take care of. It can make you feel loopy! Try to join a health club or church or social club to get some adult interaction..And forums help, too!
God Bless,
Wondrwoman

[Rmdctc]

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I too suffer from really bad anxiety and depression. Maybe you should consider an inpatient treatment facility? I know it sounds scary but if you feel this bad it might be for the best. Whatever you do just know that we are all here for you!

[Pikku Myy]

Hi there friend Hope you are a bit better today? I too have many of the same symtons as you do... and it all started with a very bad experience. Please talk to your dr/t about your med's... it took a while for mine to really start working and the med's still need to be adjusted pending on how I am doing. Glad you are here!!!