[GreyGoose]

Yes, it's me again posting about my anxiety.

I swear I'm going nuts or something. I always thought you had a bout of GAD that would last 2-3 days and that was it. This time around, it has more or less been with me constantly. I seldom get a break from it. It's been with me for several months now ever since the bat incident (a bat flew over my head).

I'm not here to talk about bats though. I'm here to find out if it is possable for a person's GAD/Anxiety to be more or less constant. I mean, I feel good when I wake up in the mornings and when I take my walk but once I get moving around, have my coffee, etc it seems to get worse and worse as the day goes on. Is this normal?. Is anyone else's GAD/Anxiety like this?. Could you please describe it for me so I can better understand what OTHER people go through?.

The bat acted as the trigger and even when I try to put it out of my mind or the doctor say's "well, I don't think you have anything to worry about", I'll still be thinking about it (subconsiously) and even when I completely block it out of my mind, the hormones/chemicals of anxiety are still coursing through my system.

I walk around with wobbly/weak legs sometimes, other times I'll get a crawling sensation somewhere or a muscle twitch and it will totally freak me out and I just know that I'm going to die.

I don't like popping pills but yesterday, that went out the window and I took a big slug of NyQuil in the afternoon, followed by 2 Xanax tablets (yes, I'm back on the benzos again) a few hours later and then a vistaril in the evening. For the first time in months, I felt so relaxed and peaceful. I slept like a baby (until noon!) and woke up feeling GREAT. Then the meds wore off and it felt like my whole body was buzzing with low-level electricity/anxiety and the weird sensations in my legs (tingly, crawling, vibrating sensations) and elsewhere returned.

I don't know what to do. Am I going to be like this for the rest of my life?. What are everyone else's symptoms and how long do they last?...a few days...a week?...a month or longer?.

Thank's so much!!

[jmo531]

(((((((((((((((((((((((GG)))))))))))))))))))))))

I am sorry your going through this. Anxiety is a vicious circle. You can be ok one minute and the next it creeps back in and it snow balls from there. I went months for feeling like that. One big ball of stress waiting to explode and anytime. I feel your pain. I would talk to you T.
Good luck.

[GreyGoose]

Thank's JMO . Your sure right about it going on for months. I used to be a bit of a prude/conservative when it came to taking pills, drinking or anything else that involved putting something into my body but I'me seriously beginning to reach the point where I don't give a hoot anymore and I'm about ready to drink myself to death (not literally, of course) if that's what it takes to get rid of this. I just popped a Vistaril and my eyelids are starting to get heavy...ahhh...it feels so good...peaceful...maybe I'll take another one...or two...or...

[jmo531]

GreyGoose,

Anxiety is hell. Pure hell. It's like it never quits. Its always there hovering and waiting for attack. I can tell you that breathing and visualization techniques are really good. I would also but some books. It helps me to read sysmptoms that others have and knowing that I am not alone helps. Please feel free to PM me if needed. Take care.

[Myzen]

Hi Grey,

You mentioned that you feel OK on waking and then the anxiety kicks in. I used to keep a diary to record my ups and downs, do you do that?

The thing about the constant nature of GAD, I guess it is with us all the time at some level. I have worked to reduce mine, with some success, using CBT techniques. My own take on this, and it is only a personal view, is that CBT is the only way to go in the end. There comes a point when you just have go there.

Again, Grey, this is only one view, something that worked for me. Three years ago I couldn't sit in friends house for more than 3 minutes without feeling trapped and having to leave. Two weeks ago I was performing poetry in a London club as a named guest. How terrifying is that!

But the anxiety is still with me; the only difference between then and now is CBT and breathing techniques. Now I have learned to go through it, and the act of doing that somehow reduces the problem. That first time when you don't give in, when you say "No, I'm not going to run!" is an important day.

When anxiety is acute, like yours is now, it feels like it will never end, like we are powerless. I know that feeling so very well, and, for now at least, I have learned how to fight it.

It can be done, with the right CBT therapist, or even working on your own, it is possible to get your life back.

Peaceful thoughts to you, Myzen

PS - In fact, anxiety got so bad with me that I was waking in the night and having to walk the streets compulsively. Sometimes I would retch and vomit. The battleground was in my bed. I had to stay in the bed, and take the anxiety. It started to reduce when I refused to budge, gradually I won back my ground, inch by inch.

[Parker10]

Unfortunately GAD/anxiety/panic etc are not like the common cold, and just go away . Some folks will have 24/7 feelings that "something is amiss", others have symptoms that come and go....sometimes many times a day, some folks only several times a week. We are all different.

You have pinpointed your original trigger - the bat incident.........now u have to figure your triggers that keep this going.... for instance you mention a "twitch" somewhere. That's one of your triggers now. Its sorta like - Oh my gosh, my "whatever" feels different, there must be something wrong with me.....thus feeding your fear/anxiety, thus starting a cycle. One major key with anxiety/panic - there HAS to be fear before there can be anxiety/panic. We tend to be scanning our bodies all the time to see if there is anything different going on - we become hypervigilent. IF we can take the fear away, or replace it with rational self talk "Geez, my gut has twitched like this before and nothing was wrong, its just trying to get me all worked up, and guess what, I am going to ignore it", That will sorta trip your thinking (stinkin thinkin).....and where there is no fear, there is no anxiety/panic.

You mention waking up feeling ok - taking your walk and feel ok , have your coffee - and then it starts......see anything perhaps strange about that? Unless you are drinking decaff - thats the start of your problem. Caffeine is liquid anxiety !!! IMHO - everyone with panic/anxiety should get off ALL caffeine PDQ. You will be surprised at the difference this will make in your anxiety level !

Something else - taking Nyquil + Xanax + Vistaril = sleep.....no doubt in my mind (I might never wake up), but think about it like this - you take that amt of medication to calm you and sedate you, then when that wears off, your body is going to react......big time. Its a rebound effect. I realize we all need our sleep, some people think they need more than their body really requires.......but we WANT to sleep, so as not to have all these unpleasant sensations......been there, got a T shirt to prove it !

Unfortunately, I suffered with symptoms for 17 years before I was actually diagnosed ! Back when I had this crap going on - Docs had not been taught in Med School what it was ! Everything was treated as depression - I did not have depression - until they told me I did......we are REAL easy to convince we have something wrong with us that we don't. Once I found out what was wrong with me, had CBT, and In Vivo Therapy, and meds, I have been panic free for 15 1/2 years. Sure, I still get anxious from time to time - everyone does - even with NO dx of anxiety or panic - but I know what to do with it now...... I just LAUGH and say - "NO WAY are you going to trip my trigger, that little twitch in my gut (or where ever) means nothing, so leave me alone".....and it works.

I truly understand your frustration. PLEASE get the book I have mentioned many times - Anxiety,Phobias and Panic - Taking Charge and Conquering Fear by Reneau Z. Peuifoy. I used that book for 7 years facilitating a support group - and as far as I am concerned - its the best there is. I also use it with clients now that I see for In Vivo therapy. Not an easy read book - you have to WORK.......but I have seen it work wonders for literally 100's of people. Education about this disorder will give you power.....and this book will give you the education!

Good luck - but please remember, there is no magic pill, no over night cure. Like others , you have GAD or some form of anxiety disorder, and only you can do the work to learn how to deal with it. Medication helps for sure, but the underlying anxiety is still there - we have to know what to do with it ! Best of luck to ya !

THERE IS LIFE AFTER PANIC !