ruining my life

most of the time when i commit to something i spend the time between saying yes and going trying to think of how to get out of it. it sucks. seems like i can't enjoy anything. i might plan something and be all excited about it when i do it then as it gets closer and closer my anxiety builds more and more till i'd be happier just to stay home. i'm sick of living this way. even coming to work every single day. sometimes when i get to work i sit in my car up to an hour before i get out. then i hurry to my office and sometimes will shut the door and sit here all day by myself. i even put off going to the bathroom until it's painful just to stay in my office with the door shut to feel secure. this is terrible. i don't know what to do anymore. i feel like i wish i could quit my job so i wouldn't have to go through this. the other jobs i've had have not been this way. but there i felt like i fit in and was accepted. i've been here for over 2 years and still feel so all alone and this is the biggest place i've worked yet. that's probably why since this is bigger i am more anxious and awkward. i isolate myself as a way to cope. this is unhealthy but i don't know where to start. i am successful in breathing and etc to make it through the "panic" states but i want to be able to just live without having it to be such an ordeal. i have to do this every single day. i have got in trouble with my supervisor twice for missing too much work. i can not afford to get fired. if i could afford not to work i would not be here now. i self medicate as well to interact with others and that is usually when i commit to things then later i'm like what the hell was i thinking. i just can't do this anymore.

Have you considered seeking professional help?

I feel your pain. I have isolated myself too. I was forced to leave my job due to it's closing but it has made me much worse. I know it's hard to cope but if you leave your job you'll isolate yourself in your home and maybe not even getting out of bed. Maybe you could use that extra hour that your sitting in your car and get some exersize walking. Look at it this way, your half way there by just being up and out of your house. Don't give up on you. Get some professional help. PM me if you like.

i do need professional help and I am willing to do that. I just don't know where to start. I was seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist a year ago and i stopped going. i didn't feel like i was making any progress. the one dr. dx me with bipolar disorder and put me on heavy duty meds and i took them up until last may which was after a year on them. i was having bad side effects. i have done well off of them and do not want to be back on them. but when i went to the counselor for that side of treatment she didn't really ever even touch on anything i needed to work on. i don't want to go back to her and i will find someone else to help me. so i guess i'm just not sure where to start. i guess i'm bipolar i don't know. i do have a lot of the symptoms etc but i just don't really think i've ever been manic in the sense that i've seen others with the disorder. maybe hypomanic is all. anyway, i will make a step today and at least research who is available in my area and maybe make a phone call. i have to do something. thank you for your input.

Good luck, FlffyChic.

This is a good place to start. I hope you feel like you can connect with us here and get some practice communicating at this site. Maybe through some of your posting and responses that you will see how someone else got started and decide what works for you. But getting treatment is a good idea. You aren't alone and I hope you find some peace soon.

Hi FlffyChic,

Were you able to make any calls? I was thinking if you were able to talk to a therapist on the phone for a few minutes before making an appt., you might be able to describe a bit about what didn't work for you and maybe how you are currently feeling so you don't waste your time and you can get help faster.

Anyway, I have a lot of anxiety myself and I get overstimulated pretty easily...sometimes I am just so worn out being around people that I just want to be alone. It's pretty exhausting and I don't know how other people do it.

Let us know how your search goes and if you make an appt w/someone...good luck.

NAMI may be able to help:http://www.nami.org/template.cfm?sec...our_local_nami

I too have anxiety and I isolate myself away from the world.. I have been like this for seventeen years..I was in therapy for four years.. I made progress to the point hwere I can go out in the mornings.. I have even started driving again.. My problem is I can't take my anxiety meds if I am going to drive.. I have to wait until I get home..Your not alone in suffering from this.. If you need to talk feel free to PM me..I'm usually on in the mornings..Take care!!

I used to isolate myself at work too. I could not stand to be around all the back stabbers that were climbing the corporate ladder.I ended up getting fired because of my paranoia.
I believed they were all out to get me. I would miss days of work because of this.In a way I feel relieved not having to be around them any more.

Best wishes in getting through your problems. You should probably seek professional help. At least it might save you from losing your job.

Sincerely,

Sardean

I isolate myself in my apartment the same way and know the door is locked. It is all I can do. I can't sleep or think but I can still eat.