Not Doing Stuff?

Hi everyone,

I'm very frustrated because I find with even simple tasks, I often can't bring myself to do them. I tend to make a big deal out of them, and get easily frustrated.

For example, doing laundry or completing homework. Cooking is another big one. Normal tasks just GET to me, and when the smallest thing goes wrong I retreat even more, and am less likely to do it.

Whenever my dad or brother comment on how I should do something, I get annoyed and frustrated...and am much less likely to complete the task. I mean...I was already beating myself up about it, do they have to go against me too? It's just so HARD.

Does anybody else go through this? And am I posting in the wrong section?

I have done the same thing. Finally, I just told myself to start. Generally, the task was not that difficult and I wondered why I had made such a big production about it.

Just make a commitment to start.

I go through this every single day. I have reached a point in conversation with my husband where he understands that saying things like, "it's no big deal" is not helpful, and in fact is very hurtful to me. Because something that may not be a "big deal" to him, can be a very "big deal" to me.

I have learned to give myself big kudos when I do manage to complete something on my 'to-do' list. You have to allow yourself the space to feel POSITIVE when you've completed something, even if you don't get that reinforcement from anyone else. Trying to communicate to your family that their support with things like this would be very helpful is also important, but, don't expect the praise to come from them, and then be let down if it doesn't. I've gotten to the point now where I make sure I say OUT LOUD, and to my husband directly if I need to, "I did _____ today. And I'm really proud of myself, because it wasn't easy, but I did it anyway, and that makes me awesome." =)

Setting yourself up for disappointment by expecting too much from yourself is another big issue. Set small goals, and if you meet them, GREAT, if you don't, try again when you can, maybe tomorrow, maybe move on to something else for a while.

The truth is, as long as you're not living in the world of "Sarah Cynthia Silvia Stout" from Shel Silverstein, you know, the girl who was drowned in her own home by not taking out the garbage, then really... those things just AREN'T a BIG DEAL if they don't get done every single day. Eventually, you'll reach a point where it bugs you so much that you take care of it, or at least that's what happens to me.

When you are pushing to try and do something, and something "goes wrong" as you mentioned, try and take some deep breathes and back away for a minute, remind yourself that everything is ok, nothing horrible is going to happen if you burn the chicken or over-boil the pasta. Try and have FUN with whatever it is that you are trying to accomplish. Cooking, for one, can be REALLY fun. Maybe watch some cooking shows to get you "in the mood" to cook, that usually works for me.

When it comes to laundry and homework, well... I was always a procrastinator in high school, but the homework does have to get done at some point. If it doesn't happen until 5 minutes before class and you manage to pull out a good grade, then good for you, whatever works. It should help if you are working on something that you enjoy. So maybe taking another look at whatever you are going to school for, your hopes and dreams, etc. Or finding a good creative outlet to balance the academic stuff, would help.

Laundry.... oh, laundry. lol. To be honest, my husband does the laundry. But I have finally reached a point where I can help him fold it all and put it away when he gets back from the laundromat (because I'm awesome), and he knows that encouragement and taking things a little slower with me is what's gotten me that far with it.

I think being open and honest with your family is a good place to start. And then, accepting that what comes "easily" for someone else, doesn't mean it's something that comes "easily" for you, and giving yourself that extra patience, acceptance, and encouragement, and SELF PRAISE when you do succeed.

Hope this helps!!

Awesome job, loveregardless. Good luck, ohseedee.

Thank you, TheByzantine.

Today I took a big leap and went out to collect pledges for the Heart & Stroke Foundation (it's something we're doing at school) for two hours. Going door to door is definitely something that makes me nervous, so it felt really good to get out there and do it.

I told my father how it affects me when they mention that something is not done, and he promised that he would try to not do it anymore. Thanks for that suggestion, Loveregardless! I'm going to try to take things more slowly, with smaller steps...that way I won't be easily discouraged and I'll be more likely to get things done.

Yayyyyyyy!!! Good for you!! You should feel so good after working hard today, not only for your school's fundraiser, which was a major feat!! But especially by speaking with your father about your feelings!! I'm really, really happy for you!! And how great that he seems to be supportive and caring, and to have listened and accepted the way you feel!! That's HUGE!!

Awesome!! <3

Yes, what loveregardless said. Good for you, ohseedee!

Please continue to post so we know how you are doing.

I can totally relate to the overwelmingness of simple chores.

Here's what I go through:

Asked to cook a family meal: Feel like I've been asked to cater a 1,000 person wedding banquet.... totally overwelmed.

Asked to do laundry: Feel like I've been asked to do the laundry of the whole of the USA Army.

Asked to empty the dishwasher: Feel like I've been asked to put away the dishes and plates for a ball at Buckingham Palace.

Asked to take the garbage out: Feel like I've been told to sort through an entire garbage site.

The simpliest tasks when you suffer with depression and anxiety can totally freak you out. I know what you are going through. hang in there, glad you could talk to your dad.