[feary]

I just can't be helped.

I am on 37.5 mg of effexor and it is causing so many side effects and making my depression and anxiety worse but my doc doesn't think so.

I am EXTREMELY sensitive to ALL meds.

I have dry mouth, somewhat blurred vision, my pulse is magnified like a million times like it is going to explode, jittery, shaking, wired feeling, anxiety, more depressed, unmotivated, nauseous, no appetite, no desire to do anything, completely hopeless, just feeling off.

I can't live with this impending doom and depression and anxiety about aging and dying.

I am so in awe of these people who live effortlessly because they have the love and support and feel secure and safe.

I feel so in danger and insecure every second. My husband hitting me took it all away and now I have nothing. My kids should have been with me all the time but the judge we have was messed up and gave him shared custody.

I have two small children, I cannot be this way. I am working with the top docs and nothing helps me.

All these therapies are too long. My kids are the ones suffering the most.
It's not fair.

My psychiatrist has put me on so many different drugs which ALL made me worse with bad side effects, including heightened anxiety and I feel that all these trials just made me worse. I wasn't this bad when I started.

Now they want to do ECT or RTMS and I am more terrified now of those procedures and there is always what if those don't work??

I am just going downhill more and more.

There has to be something to help me. I am so worried that I will be this way always. I just don't see any hope.

[Lisa Michelle]

feary, so sorry to hear the meds haven't worked for you so far.
I think you have to remember you're very early days into your treatment, it might take a while to find the right medication and also when you do find the right one it can take up to 2 months (I think) for it to actually have it's full effect. You also have to experiment with increasing the dose and things like that. Hang on in there, the meds might start to take effect and if not they will be able to try another one.

Are you seeing a therapist? Sorry, I can't remember.

[feary]

yes, I have been in therapy for the past 1 1/2. I have gotten worse.

I have tried zoloft, wellbutrin, lexapro, lamictal, prozac, now effexor.

I hate meds. they are just not working for me, they destroyed me.

when the dose increases I feel worse.

[feary]

I need help. I'm so worried.

[Rohag]

I'm so sorry, Feary

Originally Posted by feary

...but my doc doesn't think so.

Huh? Your doctor believes the drugs are helping you despite your reports to the contrary? You do not feel relief, and you are experiencing x, y, and z side effects. I'd love to learn how -- on the basis of what evidence -- your doc came to the conclusion you're improving.

[feary]

She believes these things are in my mind. I am causing these side effects etc.

[Hippie]

Feary, have you thought about changing therapists?

[la doctora]

Perhaps you should get a second opinion. I think docs try to pass it off as being "in our head" if they can't figure out the problem. Maybe you need to see someone that will dig deeper. I hope that you can find a doc that will work with you and recognize your symptoms for what they are.

[feary]

But I am working with the top doctors in the area and award winning etc

if they can't help then no one can

I am having severe panic now for the past week

I am completely hopeless

I can hardly function, can't eat, can't go outside, not a single good thought

my life is over

I've lost 20 lbs since mid February

I am deteriorating so rapidly all because I am divorced and have shared custody with my abusive ex who gets my kids half the time and I lost everything with him- a whole life, social group, direction, family life, everything

and all I have now is extreme fear and panic and depression and just getting worse with no relief for me

[Lisa Michelle]

If you're not eating properly feary it will affect your moods. If you're underweight you will be depressed just as a symptom of that, nevermind all the other things making you depressed. I know it's hard but it is important to eat well.
My therapist is of the opinion that once I'm a normal weight (I suffer with an eating disorder) all of the depression, anxiety, might go away (I don't believe this but I know eating properly and being a proper weight is very important). So, it is important to be getting the right food, for your mind.

I remember it wasn't long ago you were put onto a new med, I do think it might take time for you to say it's not working. When I was put on mirtazipine I swore blind that it didn't work and I hated it. I started on 15mg I think, then 30mg and after about 2 months I went to the doctors, absolutely desperate, saying I felt so much worse, I was so up and down and some days I wanted to die, I said this medication isn't working, it's making me worse... and she said she they are not side effects of the medication, just that the medication hasn't worked (at that dose)... and she increased it. I hated the idea but nothing I could do other than just stop taking it, so I gave it a try. About 2 weeks later something clicked, the ups and downs had gone, I was feeling fine... and did for more than 2 weeks. This week seems harder but I still think the meds are working. But if you asked me a month ago I'd tell you my meds weren't working. It could be the same for you, hold on in there!

SOmetimes we have to wait to see if they take effect.
You might be right and you've not found the right one for you. But like you said you are working with top doctors, I'm sure they know what they are doing with experimenting with these meds.

feary I know you say you lost everything, and I know it must be so so difficult, I've been through similar though not the same... but you CAN rebuild a life back up. You still have your children, you can meet new friends, find a new direction (why do you have to change direction though? if you liked what you were doing could you still do that?)

It must be very scary, but there is hope. Things can improve. Try not to panic that things aren't better immediately, because it will take time. You're doing the right thing seeking help, keep talking about your worries with your therapist, maybe she can help you find better ways to cope with your stress and panic?

This has been going on for a long time, feary. Have you talked to your treatment team about going inpatient for awhile until you get calmed down and stabilized?

[jenkins09]

Have you thought about trying an SSRI? I use pristiq and its working so far. The one thing I noticed for me with all anti-depressants were that they made me lethargic. Is your divorce recent? if so, remember that you are going through the 2 most stressful event in life, next to someone close to you dying.

This is easier said than done, but be kind to yourself. When you find yourself dwelling on those negative thoughts, immediately say outloud "stop" and focus on something else. Your thoughts will help to dictate your mood and to a certain degree your reality. If you focus on the bad that is all you will be able to see.

I still struggle with anxiety and some depression. I'm sorry to hear about the abuse you went through, but you survived and your stronger for it. Keep your head up.