Hypochondria is driving me up the wall... (may trigger OCD)

Hi everyone,

Kelly here. I used to come here a while back when my OCD was flaring up. Then I got on Lexapro and I've been doing a lot better, except for my hypochondria. It's like the Lexapro doesn't touch it but my OCD is so much better (worrying that harm will come to my loved ones). I have been convinced that I have cancer and lately MS, brain tumor and heart disease. I have two very real things going on in my body and they have been going on for over a year. Hip pain and lower back pain. I'm convinced now that I have a herniated disk in my back and cancer in my hip. I hate it. I feel like I am wasting my precious life being worried about dying. And my OCD does kick in a little when I try to convince myself that I am not dying-- it says: if you stop worrying, then it will really happen when you're not expecting it. So part of me thinks that worrying about it is what actually keeps it away. And I'm off on a little OCD moment here... maybe the Lexapro isn't working as well as I thought. Heh heh. Now I'm thinking something bad is going to happen because I am talking abou this. ACK! I am so mad that this is the brain I got stuck with. I want to be laid back and mellow. Does anyone else have hypochondria? And what are some of the things that help you relieve the worry? I also worry that I'll get something deadly because I'm worrying that I'll get something deadly. In other words, that having these negative thoughts WILL give me cancer. Double ACK!! Someone once told me that cancer is a sign of self-loathing and I spent many years hating myself. But I don't believe that 100% anymore because animals get cancer and they are not self-aware so how could they hate themselves? Okay, well I feel a little better after having vented here. Looking forward to some hugs and support from all you lovely people. Thanks! -Kelly (formerly from Tucson, now in beautiful Portland, OR) xox

Hi kelbelle.

Yes, I know the feeling. I used to call the OCD thinking, 'looping' because the thoughts go round and round like a tape loop. I now believe that all worrying is like this.

I'd bet that the hypochondria is also part of the same mindset, I know mine was. We can't usually stop this kind of thinking, but I've found that we can put it to one side and do something else. It takes a good deal of practice though.

I've often thought that putting down these worries is like ignoring a pushy person who is upsetting us. When we first ignore them they get even more pushy, desperate for our attention, and that's often when we give in to them. But, if we can ignore them for long enough they eventually lose interest in us and simmer down. I think this is something like a cognitive behavioural approach.

I'm sorry that you are so embattled at the moment, and hope that it eases for you.

Peaceful thoughts and (((((hugs)))))) , M

hi kelly. welcome back!

i don't suffer with OCD or hypochondria. however, i can tell you that when my anxiety is sky high, i will participate in OCD type behaviors and thinking...with that comes some hypochondria. just having those tastes of that gives me some idea of what you must go thru. it's hard to imagine just how hard it must be for you and those who suffer as you do.

we're here. we're listening!

kd

Hi Kelly

I know exactly what your feeling. I have OCD and also have really bad intrusive thoughts. I am on medication and it works pretty well on my OCD also but, like you, I get to worrying that I am dying....all the time.

I have been staying in a hotel for the past month waiting for my house and my throat has been very agistated and sore. At night I have these terrible coughing spells and at times, I am convinced that it is cancer. I keep thinking that. It is terrible. Then, like you, thinking and talking about it makes it even worse. Rationally, I know that I am in a dusty hotel room and that is why I am having coughing spells and my throat hurts because during the day, it doesnt happen and I usually am gone out of the hotel room during the day.

I know that your having a hard time with this. I totally understand. Your not alone. Hang in there and post as often as you need too.

Hugs,


jen

It tortures me. The worse my depression gets the worse my hypochondria becomes. I think about it obsessively, look up symptoms on the internet, read sites on cancer etc etc. At times it gets so bad that it borders on psychosis. I think that I am probably more ashamed of the hypochondria than I am about anything else. I try to keep it to myself but my husband gets to hear some. Poor guy---he married a lunatic..

Hey you guys,

Thanks for the support. I can't believe what's happening to me now... I caught a cold. It's only my 2nd one in 12 years and I'm more convinced than ever that I have cancer and that this cold (especially the scratchy throat) is the form my cancer has chosen to show itself. I'm afraid I'm never going to be well again. I also forgot to mention that I'm afraid I have early onset alzheimers. My memory seems to get worse and worse on a daily basis and I feel like I'm becoming unable to perform routine tasks (and I know my ADD contributes to this but...) like getting everything together that I need to bring to work. And the memory problems also make me think I have a brain tumor. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!! I can't believe every little ache or pain or muscle twitch has me running to the computer to look at www.wrongdiagnosis.com. I've spent hours on there.
Then I get frustrated and I say, "okay, well if I do have a terminal disease, then I'll die and I won't have to be neurotic anymore." (apologies if the "N" word offends anyone). But I am. I'm loopy. I'm petrified of death. I'm necrophobic so la la la la la la la.... don't want to think about this anymore. Okay, well, I'm going to bed now. The Benadryl is kicking in...

I am a fellow hypocondriac...I think I am the worst kind..not only to I think I suffer from every deadly disease but I refuse to go to the Dr. to hear the dreaded words "get your affairs in order." I can't help watching tv about emergency rooms, people with deformities. I only read books about people who have over come hardships like health issues. Can't understand how people face the dreaded news with dignity and not take their lives on the spot. I think it all stems from the fear of death which is something we all have to face whether we have anxiety or not, whether we have our health or not. We claim we are afraid to suffer but the truth is we are afraid to die...afraid of the unknown....but my friend we are already dead...our body and mind being wasted in non existing future time worrying how we are going to die. Mental anguish is probably worse than any medical suffering we would incure.

Oh KelleBelle,

I understand so well. I am afraid of death also. I can identlify with that. I also know that is the # 1 fear of all people wether they admit it or not. Your not alone.

Also, anxiety can also be contributing to the memory issues. I know when I am at my worst I have a hard time remembering everything. I have bough a little pad and I write things down that I have to do. Its either that or nothing will get done. Try that. Keep the little pad in your purse. It helps, it really does.

I hope you feel some relief soon. Thinking of you.


Hugs,

Jen

Thanks {{{{{{{you guys}}}}}}} for the love and support. I can't tell you how much this forum puts me at ease, knowing that there are people out there that know how I feel. I'm doing much better the past few days. Could be that a 2 1/2 week old kitten has come into my life and I'm preoccupied being a new mommie. That makes 6 kitties for my hubby and I. I'm probably collecting cats to ensure that I don't die young-- I subconciously want to be the crazy cat lady with messy hair, a trench coat and baggy socks! HA! How sexy is that? Anyway, just thought I'd pop on and thank you for being there for me. I'm still a little worried about having cancer or something, but has anyone else noticed that hypochondria seems to taper off when you are preoccupied or really busy? It's almost like my brain deletes the hypochondria program when I'm super busy or something big is going on... hmmmm...

That is actually a coping stagety that works for OCD and anxiety. Staying busy with positive things, diverting your thoughts to something else really helps you not dwell on the stuff you dont need to be worrying about.

Awhhhhhhhhh, kitty. I love Kitties and puppies? What is it's name? What color is it? Oh how adorable. Congrats on the new addition to your family.


Hugs,

Jen

Kitty is about 2 1/2 weeks old. Orange tabby with white. We named her Cinnamon Rose and I weighed her yesterday on the postage scale at work. 13.9 oz. She is so sweet. She likes to curl up and fall asleep on my right shoulder when I lay on the couch. Her back legs are starting to get strong now so she scoots around the living room checking things out. Her name is a tribute to my husband's childhood Golden Retriever, Cinnamon and Rose is the middle name of a doggie friend of mine that has cancer, Amanda Rose.

Thanks again for the support you guys. It means so much to me!

-k.