Lorazepam Milk Shake with fries on the side!!

Oy!!!!

I feel like any minute know that smoke will be pouring out of my ears and my brain will short circuit!!

There's sooooo much going on in my world. I could probably post this to at least three other forums.....

I lost my job three weeks ago....been applying ever since, have one interview, out of state, on Friday. Have to fly. I like flying....but I hate crashing....and I have dreams of plane crashes which doesn't help the fear of falling out of the sky and slamming into the ground.

Staying with family in California. Some of them old abusers. Feeling ready for it, but still scared. What if they try and yell at me. What if all the work I've done in T just disappears as soon as I see them and I start to get sucked back in to their dysfunction?

Been denied unemployment and food stamps. Requested a re-eval and waiting on the word. No $$ coming in. Can't pay rent....can't pay utilities....can't pay anything. What if I don't get the job? I'll be evicted? I won't survive the street and I won't survive without my animals.

My friend said I could stay with her. She gets subsidized housing through her own mental health program and even though she is a great friend....it's not the best environment for me to be in. Her friends do drugs and have frequent run ins with the law. But it's a roof. A short term fix to a long term problem?

No medical insurance....and running out of meds. Can't afford to buy them at full price.

No stability right now for my future. Hoping and praying I nail this interview. I WANT the job and I definitely NEED the job. If I get an offer.....then there will be stability. I will be able to afford the roof over my head, food for my cupboards, care for my animals, I'll get medical benefits. Things will be better....even though I'll have to move out of state. I am willing.

Just a long rant. I don't have the words to describe the internal angst and anxiety I feel. My anxiety exists on multiple levels right now. The flying, the potential homelessness, the job interview, the lack of meds, the potential therapist change, the potential move to a place I've never lived before, a potential new job, the family issues. It really feels like too much right now.

I really would like a Lorazepam milkshake and a side of fries.

And maybe a Vodka chaser!!??!!

((((((Elysium))))) you sure do have a lot on your plate, I wish I had some really amazing advice, I'll think on it - for now I'll just wish you good luck.

I totally empathise with (well, everything you said, but especially) your fear of flying. For months before I flew I dreamt of planes and crashing nearly every night. I don't you how often you have flown or how familiar you are with it, but I found this site to be helpful: http://www.flyingfear.net/
I posted about it here before and that was really helpful.

Good luck

(((Elysium)))

How did it go on Friday, how are things for you??? thinking all good thoughts....

Walmart offers a program for $4 prescriptions on the most common ones. $10 if you want three months worth. Your doctors or walk in clinics may have samples you can use.

All the rest, take one small step at a time. You didn't get to do all the positive changes in your life in big leaps, but one step at a time.

Thinking of you Elysium,

Really hoping you nail the interview and the job. Have been thinking of you for ages now and wanting the best for you and hoping you and your family of furries can all stay together

hEY there ... hope you had success with the interview.
Keep on going....things will turn around.
Just wanted you to know that you are not alone and the I really hope the job interview went well.....and that there will also be other opportunites opened up for you elswhere.
I hope that your stress level goes down and that you can start feeling comfortable and secure again!

Sorry I'm late responding to your post and I hope the interview went well. My goodness you have so much to worry about - you have my sympathy. You must be a strong person to contend with all this. I pray you got the job - at least you would be living some place warmer. You've moved so many times before, so hopefully you'll be able to adjust.

Since you know what goes wrong, that causes you to lose your job - hopefully you can work on that particular issue, to avoid this happening again. Keep us posted and I pray it will be good news this time. I'll be praying and sending good vibes ((Elysium))

Was concerned...haven't heard anything back. Where are you?

Ely? You know I care, just getting to this post...please let us know how things are going. So, so much to deal with. Take extra special care.

I know exactly how you feel.
Hang in there bud.

Thanks everyone!!

Lotz of Luv to all of you!!

Things have picked up for me....in a good way!! I got the job I interviewed for, and now I'm packing up and making a 1300 mile move in a week and a half. I have reconnected with family which, although still stressful, is a good thing because it's on my terms...not theirs. I've also reconnected with old friends that live down in the area I'm moving to so that's kind of nice.

It's still pretty hairy on the financial end. Trying to come up with the funding for the move and for the deposit on m new place. It's tough. I'm going through a roller coaster of emotions right now. It will happen...I just need to keep pluggin away and utilize my resources.

I'll keep you all posted on how it's going. I'll be moving around the first of October.