Thoughts on Alcoholism

Hi Everyone,

I wanted to say a few words about what I went through as a child of an alcoholic (among other things) mother. This may help some of you who are trying to help other people with their substance abuse issues. My mother hid vodka bottles all over the house when she was finished with them. I started finding them when I was 13. Our family was strict Catholic and much of my mother's mothering was based on her own self-loathing projected onto my sister and I. There was also a good bit of guilt, fear and shame thrown in to the mix. As I got older, I realized that my mother is not at all comfortable in her own skin. I feel compassion for her because I can imagine that it must be a struggle day in and day out living the way she does without being able to get help. She is nervous, anxiety-ridden and suffers from depression, irrational worry and borderline personality disorder (none of which have been diagnosed or treated because she would never go to a psychiatrist--what would people think?). About 7 years ago, there was a bad scene at a family picnic with my mom getting drunk, falling down some cement stairs and being taken to the emergency room. After this disturbing event, I confronted my mother about her drinking. I have never seen such incredible denial. She wouldn't even admit she was drunk. She kept saying she fell because her shoes were slippery!! I then realized that when someone refuses to recognize or admit out loud that they have a problem that is affecting their health, no one can force them to get help. I'm sure this is not new information but it helps to remember it when we get wrapped up in trying to help others. It has to be THEM that takes the steps to help themselves. I believe that it is human nature to resist being told something is wrong with us and that we have to stop the behavior. None of us can simply stop our anxiety, OCD, hypochondria, depression, ADD, personality disorders, right? Same with substance abuse. It can't be stopped until the user realizes it is time and they are emotionally and physically ready. And most importantly we cannot control others. We can only control our own actions.

So I have come to accept that my mom will never get help for any of her tormenting disorders. She is 71 now and I have decided that in order to fulfill my own desire to be a compassionate person, I need to treat her with respect and lovingkindness, knowing in my heart that she never meant to hurt me or emotionally abuse me-- that she did these things unwittingly as a result of her own self-loathing. And when I was able to forgive her for everything, especially not getting help, it set my own heart free. It allowed me to love myself more and work on treating my OCD, anxiety and the other things that prevent me from living a full and happy life.

So, to all of you who are suffering from addiction to anything-- be it food, alcohol, sex, TV, drugs or shopping-- please know that you are definitely not alone, and you do have the power to quit. It's right inside you, ready to be unleashed when you're ready.

In the meantime, you also have a lot of caring people here to listen and offer support and lovingkindness when you need us.

Wishing all of us peace and wellness,

Kelly

what a wonderful post! tears in eyes!

(((((((((((((kelbelle))))))))))))))) what wisdom lies in your words...wisdom earned from experience.

be safe,

kd

wow {{{{{{{{{{{{kelbelle}}}}}}}}}}}
thanks for sharing that part of your life with us .....what courage to let us in on your private life and personal pain....you have a great way of expressing your thoughts on paper....keep it up and post away... take care xooxoxox

(((((Kelbelle))))) I, unfortunately, know how you feel. My mom is also and alcoholic. I feel like I need to just talk all about it right now, but I won't take your thread for my own. I'm going to post about it for sure though. I will be so glad when I can sort of accept things like you have, but right now I am angry and hurt about it. Thanks for this post. It does me some good to read it.

-Jennifer-

Have you thought about Alanon? It has been helpful to many who struggle with the alcoholism of a loved one.

Thanks you guys.

Thank you for sharing, kel. It's good to see the perspective of an outside view rather than just the alcoholic/addicts view.

Hi.

Very brave of you to share that. I am sorry for the cruelty inflicted upon such innocence. God bless you and bring you peace.

~Dottie