[BabelTrish]

Hi All

I have finally taken all the courage I had and decided to seek for help, I do hope that I might find a way to cope with my current situation. Any advice is welcome, I'm so lost in this world that I am constantly anxious.

I have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and a mild to severe depression, which I guess are somehow linked. The problem is that I can't seem to be able to tell a therapist about how I feel, there is so much going in my head that I feel lost again during each session and can't really decide what problem to address.

Basically, I have never been a happy child but the disorders strengthened after I underwent a benign brain tumor surgery. This surgery traumatized me beyond belief as for 6 months I had headaches that hurt so bad that no painkiller helped, until finally a surgeon found my problem. I had support from my family but my friends let me down. After that, I never really went back to normal, and suffer from constant anxiety, worrying and panicking every day and night, because of old or new events, because of nothing.

My husband has no tolerance whatsoever toward depressed people, and does not understand why I am constantly worrying and shaking. I can't find help with my family whom I left behind to follow my husband, they have their own problems. My beloved grandfather passed away, I had to resign from my job because my boss was even more anxious than me and aggravated my own issues. I am lost in a country I don't like, can't make friends, have no support, and perhaps need someone to tell me it will be alright.

As said, any advice would be appreciated. How do you cope? How do you find a good therapist? I am in Europe, and trust me, mental health care is not very good here.

Thank you.

[with or without you]

Babel,

Sorry to read about your troubles. I have had moderate to severe social anxiety pretty much my whole life.

I use 3 different things to cope:

1) I have an absolutely awesome therapist. She totally "gets" me and understands everything I tell her. The only thing I can tell you is to go to another person, then another, then another, then another, until you find the right one. By the way, I personally am not comfortable seeing a therapist of the opposite sex.

2) I have been on medication for the last 11 years or so. Sometimes I feel it doesn't work as much as I want it to, but I am scared of trying another. Meds are not a silver bullet and a lot of people can't stand the side effects. But for me, it takes the edge off just enough so that I am able to get through the day-to-day and talk about stuff in therapy.

3) I have a sense of humor about it; it's gotten me through some very hard times in my life. Like you, I recently lost my grandpa, and I also lost my father (Grandpa's son) 8 years ago which was dreadful. I also have lost 3 close friends.

Now, I know this stuff is not funny at all. But I make jokes about it in order to cope. For example: the day after my father died, I was alone in my room crying in bed. My mom said "You're not going to believe this. I'm picking out Dad's clothes for him to be buried in, and wouldn't you know it? His favorite sweater has a huge ice cream stain on it, God damn!" Well, I just burst out laughing.

I also constantly make jokes about all my "neurotic" behavior, lots of times to my therapist. Sometimes I'll tell her, "I just KNOW you've been looking forward to seeing me all week. You're probably like, 'Ohhhhhhh GOD, not her again! Another hour of ohhhh I hate my life, I'm a loser, I hate my sister....'" She always laughs and says she doesn't feel that way at all, but she thinks it's healthy that I lighten the mood from time to time.

[Ygrec23]

Originally Posted by BabelTrish

I'm so lost in this world that I am constantly anxious.

BT, as you may know, this is not at all an uncommon feeling. Many, many people feel this way as part of all kinds of different mental problems. Your problem may have a basis in your physical brain relating to the condition that was dealt with by surgery, or some other purely psychological basis.

The problem is that I can't seem to be able to tell a therapist about how I feel, there is so much going in my head that I feel lost again during each session and can't really decide what problem to address.

When you are talking to your T, start anywhere, anywhere at all, and just go on from there. You do not have to try and organize your thoughts first. As you speak, what is important will come out by itself, automatically. But it's important that you trust your therapist, so you can speak freely.

My husband has no tolerance whatsoever toward depressed people, and does not understand why I am constantly worrying and shaking.

Your husband will probably need to speak with your therapist as well, so he can understand what you are going through and try to help you himself. Your therapist ought to be happy to speak with your husband. It's a basic part of your own therapy.

I can't find help with my family whom I left behind to follow my husband, they have their own problems. My beloved grandfather passed away, I had to resign from my job because my boss was even more anxious than me and aggravated my own issues. I am lost in a country I don't like, can't make friends, have no support, and perhaps need someone to tell me it will be alright.

Many, many people have suffered and do suffer from similar problems. And many, many people have found relief in a combination of therapy (as you are doing), and medications, if appropriate. You will find a huge number of people here on this website who have dealt or are dealing with problems very similar to yours. They would be glad to exchange posts with you to try and help you in your situation. Most of them are not professionals, but they can offer the sympathy and understanding of fellow sufferers.

As said, any advice would be appreciated. How do you cope? How do you find a good therapist? I am in Europe, and trust me, mental health care is not very good here. Thank you.

I do not know how the health system in Belgium works. I do not know whether you can choose your own therapist. I think many people will agree that it is important to work with a therapist whom you trust and in whom you come to have faith. That takes a while. I do not know whether mental health care is any better here than it is in Europe. It is always, ALWAYS, a painful struggle. But you probably have the strength to do what you have to do. Human beings, all human beings, are amazingly tough and resilient. Really. Keep after your surgeons and physical doctors to make sure that you have no further physical brain abnormalities, and keep trying with your psychological therapist. And please, keep posting here on PC. PC members will be only too happy to exchange messages with you and help you in any way they can.

Take care.