[Estee1]

Yesterday was one of those days and today is worse. I had to put everything in it's place. Makes me so angry. If everything isn't right I get so anxious. At the moment my house is perfect. It's perfect because I HAD to put everything in order. But putting everything in order hasn't taken away the feeling. Right now I am so wound up. It's exhausting. I just made a post and when I tried to submit it something went wrong and I lost it. I'm so exhausted and now I have to write it again. RRRRrrrr!
When i get into the fix it mode I can't stand anything being out of place. One night I even had to take the pictures off the walls. I throw things away that I probably should keep. I even had to empty out the letter holder last night because I couldn't stand the sight of the stuff in it. What is a letterholder for if I cannot put the letters in it? Sounds so crazy and it is. Today I was desperately trying to find a cupboard to hide the washing basket in so that i didn't have it in the wrong place. It's just so ridiculous. But very real and not something that I want to stop even though i do want to stop. Very crazy. I just have to have things perfect. This is not even half of what goes on and I don't know if i even make sense.
I'm not asking for any advice on how to stop this OCD because I have started seeing a doctor and I don't want to confuse myself. I just wanted to tell someone about what I've been having to do, because it's hell. I know at the time that it's stupid but cannot stop.

I feel for you, estee 1! I know how it is when the OCD tells you to do stuff and you just can´t stop doing them... ít´s terrible! But try to lift your head and see what´s in the future.... you´re now getting help and things WILL get better. Believe in your power to beat this thing- a monster of thoughts!

Try to do something that makes you happy and that makes you relax...

Hugs

Ninni

[Myzen]

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But putting everything in order hasn't taken away the feeling.

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Hi estee,

Of course, it's the feeling that hurts us, not the rituals. If only we could face down the feeling (like facing down a bully) then the rituals would just vanish IMHO.

It's so easy to say, but so very hard to do.

I wish it was easier for you.

Peaceful thoughts, M

none of the things that you do are either stupid or ridiculous.....and as a person who also has ocd..as you know.....it all makes perfect sense to me...lol.....i hope that knowing that you are not alone gives you a little comfort........try to remember that its the ocd and you can't help it......in time with meds and therapy ...all this will decrease and be manageable.....i promise you.......peace....julia

[Estee1]

Thanks Julia. I'm glad you understand. ((((((((hugs))))))))))