Relationship Anxiety..Please Help!

I have suffered from Anxiety/Panic Disorder for a long time. I have been on Paxil and Zoloft, but came to a point six months ago where I felt I would be able to cope without medication. Everything seemed fine.

Meanwhile, I have been with a wonderful man for almost a year. He is so loving, supportive, kind..I could go on and on. About 6 months ago I developed some severe anxiety about our relationship..doubts about whether he was right for me, and so on, that led me to have a panic attack whenever he came around. We worked through it, and all seemed well for awhile. Two months ago, we moved in together and I am developing severe anxiety, again, about whether he is right for me. Honestly, it seems that my expectations are messed up. I couldn't ask for a better partner, but I feel as though I'm obsessed with finding faults in the relationship. For example, sometimes, when he wants to make love, and I don't, I worry that I'm not attracted to him and that that must mean I don't love him. Then I get terrified of the idea that I don't love him and I end up having a severe panic attack. I am stuck in this horrible cycle of "I love him"/ "I don't love him". I'm so stuck in my own head, lately, I feel like I can barely see him for who he is. I don't know how to determine if this is my anxiety leading me around by the nose or if I'm honestly needing to give up the relationship.

Can someone please help point me in the right direction?

Oh boy, that's a tough one. Good for you for fighting to stay in the relationship and figure this out instead of just going along with your anxious feelings.

You have lots of nice things to say about him, so that part sounds like you don't "need" to give up the relationship. Unless there are bad things that you don't really let yourself see. (I'm thinking of things like when people have an intuition that their partner is controlling or cheating, but they let love blind them to it.)

But do you want to leave? When you are not feeling anxiety, do you still feel this way? Maybe your anxiety is a way to protect yourself from getting close to him. Or maybe you feel generally anxious and it feels better to kind of focus your energy on the nearest human target? Do any of those things sound right? Are there other emotions that come up besides the anxiety that leads to panic?

I have the borderline trait of switching between thinking my husband is an angel and then thinking he just doesn't do it for me. It's really frustrating to always be assessing "is he the One" year after year, but it's worth it to work through my own doubts and be with him. I hope you're able to figure out the right answer for yourself. Sending good thoughts your way.

Relationships are tricky buggers, anxiety or no. They're so tricky that sometimes you don't know what you think or feel. That's why no matter who you are it's important to take your time and let things develop naturally. Whether you're meant to be or are in a practice relationship doesn't need to be a certainty yet, so don't be so hard on yourself. For some people it takes years before they know they truly love who they're with or that he or she is the one.

It does sound like anxiety is messing with you quite a bit though. Have you considered going back on medication? Are you seeing a therapist? It might not be a bad idea.

Sorry you're struggling but I'm glad you're here.

Cyran0

Hi sun2shine. Welcome! I'm sorry you're struggling with all this. It is tricky to figure out what might be going on because it sounds like a few different things are at play here. I really like Cyran0's idea of seeing a therapist.

The medication question is definitely something to consider again too. I came off my anti-depressant for a while because I thought I could cope without it. After a few months my anxiety started going through the roof again. I'm not saying that's what is happening with you, but it might be something to think about.

I was also wondering whether you've ever had these feelings of uncertainty in previous relationships?

I would really explore the therapy option if at all possible since that could help you get to the bottom of what might be behind the anxiety. As OrangeMoira says, the anxiety about the relationship could have it's roots in another issue.

Wishing you all the very best (((((((sun2shine))))) Let us know how you're doing!