feel guilty taking meds

My last pdoc told me that ativan was "alcohol in a pill", even though he prescribed them for me anyway (not that many, but enough at the time.)

No other doctor has ever said this to me. I guiltily asked my new doctor today if I could have some and he said "sure" and wrote a prescription for more than I ever take. But for some reason it's really stuck with me.

They help me to stop crying a bit, take the edge off, but now I feel like an alcoholic or something. I don't know what my point is. I guess I'm just making another excuse to feel bad.

thea

Do NOT feel bad about needing a medication. I am new to anxiety/panic, within 2 months, and I cannot function well AT all. My OB just prescribed some meds today. If I did not have access to that med, I'd be a train wreck. My job, family life, life in general would be negatively impacted bigtime.

I try to look at it as, what would my life be like without these meds? That doc really had no right to say something like that to you. I fully believe that a person cannot understand what you are going through until they experience it themselves.

Hang in there, we are here for you and we are listening.

Hi (((((thea))))). That was a strange choice of words on your old pdoc's part.....I'm guessing he was referring to the fact that benzodiazepines (such as Ativan) have the potential to be very addictive. And withdrawal from benzos can be extremely difficult.

However, in the same way that not everyone who drinks alcohol is an alcoholic, so, not everyone who takes Ativan becomes addicted. I don't think it was helpful for your old pdoc to phrase things the way he did. You might want to talk to your new doctor about this and have him explain things.

Do you take anything besides Ativan? Some anti-depressants can help with anxiety. I have problems with anxiety and I take Zoloft (an anti-depressant). It does help a bit.

Wishing you all the very best

thea, I take Ativan (well Lorazapam but same thing) and I know it can be addictive but I look at it this way, I'd be in far worse shape without the pills. I would not have been able to do my job or take care of my family without the pills. So if I end up addicted to them, that's just the price I'll have to pay for getting the help I need right now.

I'm sorry your old pdoc was, well, kind of a tool. I hope you're doing ok.

Cyran0

I think it should be thought of as a tool to give you time to practice behaviors that would help decrease anxiety. If you're doing therapy, they can teach you techniques to cope and you can use medicine to 'help you out'.

I take something for anxiety too, but can't take benzo's. They had the opposite effect on me. Regardless I'm still trying to learn ways to cope with anxiety because I'm taking such a low dose that it only takes the edge off...and this I don't mind.

Quoted for hilarious truth telling.

Seriously, it's medicine, not alcohol. Don't feel bad...

thea, how are you doing?

thanks you guys. I really needed to hear that

I'm doing ok, in between crying jags, but at least eating again. My husband is here for the weekend which helps, and my parents are being very attentive by phone which also helps, though both these things also make me feel guilty, but, so it goes.

I started to take the lorazepam whenever i felt too overwhelmed, which isn't that often, but one or two a day. i guess it's only until the anti-depressant kicks in, which who knows. it's lexapro, which hopefully will do something for both the depression and the anxiety.

thea

I agree that doc's remark was stupid! I also take Klonopin at night to help me sleep. For some reason (well, I know the reasons--too numerous to mention) I have intense anxiety that makes itself known w/chest pains, difficulty breathing, etc. Hard to go to sleep w/that! If a doc prescribes the medication & keeps a close, open relationship w/his patient then what's the deal? If you start having side effects or abusing a medication, he will know it.

If you go out & buy stuff on the black market--well, you could do that regardless of if he writes a script or not. Same w/alcohol--most people who abuse alcohol (I would wager) don't admit it up front to their doc unless they feel very comfortable w/that doc & doesn't feel like he/she will be slammed for being "weak" or whatever for becoming dependent on it. And it is true--not everyone becomes addicted. I've not had a problem abusing Klonopin as it makes me sleepy & I don't want to feel sleepy unless I'm trying to go to sleep.

I recently had surgery for acute hand pain (& need to have the other hand done). I had signed all these releases for my pdoc to talk to the surgeon & anesthesiologist as I have had trouble previously w/the anesthesia not working during a procedure that involved cutting me & I don't want that to happen again!

When I got my stitches out a few weeks ago the surgeon (I had told him about my mental health issues), he told me I was taking too many medications & made me feel like a "drug addict." Well, I had been in acute pain for over a year & not sleeping well & having bipolar 1 I was in a "fragile" state so when he said that I just quit taking ALL my medications without telling any docs (even blood pressure & thyroid medication). He had shamed me & I don't do well w/shame.

Well, needless to say that was not a good thing to do. I am so angry at that surgeon! If he had concerns he should have talked to my pdoc! Not bring it up to me while he's taking out my stitches. I felt like he was blaming me for having to take meds; I was weak & should just try harder to not have bipolar symptoms (& anxiety).

Trying & Caring, it's amazing how just because someone is a doctor that doesn't always mean they understand their patients. I'm sorry that happened to you.

Thea, same deal here. I only take the Lorazapam if I feel I can't function without it and that's been putting me at 1 or 2 a day. My pdoc says that as they ramp up the Zoloft I'll probably find I don't need the Lorazapam as much.

I'm glad you have so many supportive people around you, that's awesome!

Cyran0

Cryan0 - When you say 1-2 per day, do you mean 1-2 .5 mg tabs, or 1-2 one mg tabs? I've been avoiding taking these like the plague after cautionary tales, but it seems that .5 mg around 2x a day works magic right now (I can actually keep food down).

Just curious what your dose was b/c my doc recommended breaking the down even further (.25 mg) b/c of her negative feelings around Ativan/Lorazapam.

wishing girl, speaking for myself, sometimes half (.25) is effective. It's not a bad idea to start with half to see if it works, as an experiment, since it's probably true of any psych med that the less you take, the better, in terms of side effects, dependency, etc.

Though that's great that you know what works for you

thea

The way your doc phrased that was inappropriate. He made it sould as if you are only trying to dull your pain/axiety, rather than fix the problem.
Don't take what he said to heart. Medicines are there bc we need them. Some of them are less than desireable and we have to be cautious with them, but that doesn't mean we don't need them any less. We do need them as tools to help get things under control so that we can learn to adjust and cope with our issues. It's always a risk vs. benefit thing...
You should never feel bad in anyway for having to take your meds. Some of our bodies don't work properly and we have no choice but to do what it takes to make our lives liveable.

Having said that I still totally understand where you are coming from...
I have to take Klonopin for anxiety and panic attacks. I try to go as long as possible without taking one so that I take them as infrequently as possible. When the doc first put me on them he didn't say be judicious, he just said 2 a day. I became completely dependant on 2 a day and couldn't function without that dose. I became tolerant and needed more. That frustrated me so much that I tried to come off them cold turkey. Horrible idea. Physical withdrawal symptoms can be extreme.

Anyway, I have learned to take them when I need them, and leave them when I can get by without. I push myself a little and work through some anxiety. Sometimes I wonder if that doesn't make things worse, but this is my best plan right now.

It is not an addiction to need a medication. It is just a fact of life sometimes.
Hey, our teeth are a lot healthier when we use toothepaste on them daily, but we don't call that an addiction do we??? ...just the way I think about things.

Dear Thea
Been there, done it. Your doctor was an idiot. Sorry. In your situation anybody I know would try to find a solution. You found the meds, I found hypnosis helping me better and cured me permanently. I used a special method called SRP - Subliminal Rationality Programming and it was great. I listen to a tape and fall asleep waking up feeling good.
Dont give doctors that power over you! It is no good, that you run around with guilt feelings on top of having your problems. Go and find a doctor who understands and maybe one day you will find someone who can help you permanently.
good luck'
Franz

One or two .5 mg tabs per day. I'm allowed up to three but virtually never need that many.

Cyran0

Perhaps the point he was making is that the use of them is similar - to numb.
Life isn't for living in a numbed state and a therapist can help you find the root causes of your anxieties so you can live without having to numb and free of the anxiety too

They don't make me feel numb. They make me feel normal, like not hysterical or panicked.

thea

I was on Lorazapam for two months. I would have taken it for the rest of my life if I could..my God what a wonderful drug. I went from stressed out of my mind/anxiety riddled to completely at peace. In the matter of a half hour lol..My doc said the same thing, "Its just like alcohol"..which if you ask me its totally not. I dont recommend Lorazapam really though. When the doc said he would give it to me anymore I was scared s***less. It became more of a crutch/safety net than I knew. The very first day I didnt have it I drank six vodka and lemonaids just to have the "strength" to go to work. I was a mess for weeks

I just want to click "thanks" for that like a million times. That's how you know you truly need a medication like that - it doesn't get you "high" or "numb", you just feel (letting out a deep breath).... normal.

And what a relief it is to feel normal