Panic Attack and Spouses......

My husband always tries to make it better or tell me its just in my head and I am LIVID and so fking furious with him that it just freaks me out even more. I just want to have my damn panic attack, alone, under the doona, by myself!

Is this so much to ask?

He doesnt respect it when I shut doors either. I rarely shut them but when I do I want the damn things to REMAIN shut!

UHG!

Anyone else have this drama?

First of all I would like to let you know that I understand your frustration. I’ve been on this ride a long time. For many years even I did not understand what I was experiencing.

When the doctor finally explained it to me, he also took the time to explain it to my husband. That helped a lot. It might sound a bit condescending, but as he said to my husband (to use your example) if keeping the door shut makes her feel better keep the door shut. You and I both know that it will not make a bit of difference but it increases her sense of security so let it be. He did also issue a warning that if it becomes something more dramatic than that we should immediately bring it to his attention (ie I’m sitting in the dark bedroom with a loaded gun).

These panic attacks ARE in our head. They make no sense to someone that has not experienced them. They do not understand the complete terror involved over what they see as literally nothing. I can rationally (or rationalize whichever the case may be) explain many triggers but there are infinitely more triggers that I have no clue why it will bring on a full blown anxiety attack.

You are both going to have to make some compromises. YOU have to understand that he is your husband. He loves you, his instinct is to comfort you and try to make you feel better. He would be pretty heartless to see you in this state and simply shrug and walk away.

But talk to him in a way he will understand. “Leave the door closed because that is what I need right now. It may make no sense to you but I need this.” Do this when you are calm and able to discuss the subject at length. I would suggest even explaining to him WHY you need things this way.

Ironically the thing that helps me most in many panic attacks is when my husband reminds me that it IS all in my head. The fear and anxiety I am feeling is real, but the basis for it is not. Does that make any sense? I’m able to dial down the attack with that information.

Thanks.

I will explain this to him. It's like that when we argue too. I know it's going to escalate and I can't handle a confrontation like that then so I try and walk away to save us both the drama. And he follows me. :S

I try to calm myself by remembering that its totally fiction. Normally there is a trigger, but last night I had one, a nasty one too when we were just about to go to bed and he was good. I just fled the bedroom and realised what was wrong, and I actually wanted him. And he rocked.

But yea, will talk to him. It is so frustrating. I have enough to deal with without added stress WHILE I'm stressing?

Sorry that this is happening, he probably isn't quite sure how to react. I think telling him during a calm time what you need when you are having a panic attack is a great idea. For someone who has never experienced one, I think it's hard for them to comprehend. I try to think of how confusing they are for me sometimes and I'm the one who experiences them so I imagine it's twice as hard for my h to understand.

I'm sorry he is not respecting your boundaries and not being supportive. Is it possible to take him with you to a therapy or doctor appointment? Maybe a professional can help him understand what you need?

Thanks guys. I usually take him to therapy with me....

.....drama?? yes.................but we know that he cares and would not trade for all the world...he often just does not know how to help