[introvertguy]

Stereotypes are based on assumptions not facts. So the fact is there are no stereotypes walking around. I can't be a nerd or loser because they're just fictional bs.

[Chefguy]

You lost me bro lol

[thesnowqueen]

Originally Posted by introvertguy

Stereotypes are based on assumptions not facts. So the fact is there are no stereotypes walking around. I can't be a nerd or loser because they're just fictional bs.

'Nerd' and 'loser' are put-downs. They are labels or over-generalizations. So, for instance, I have nerdy traits (I'm studious and not very athletic), and there are lots of things at which I have failed (being popular at school, etc). But, that is not all I am. the Truth is much more complicated! I am also funny (I have a good sense of humour) and I have my successes (I got through school, somehow). It is important NOT to give oneself demeaning labels because through them you will have a distorted idea of yourself. Others may try force these labels on you if by doing so they get to feel superior. Or if, by doing so, other people see them as powerful for putting others down (they may get social cred out of it). THESE ARE NOT GOOD REASONS TO USE SUCH LABELS ON YOURSELF. Don't learn to abuse yourself, even if others are abusing/bullying you.

[ECHOES]

Do you worry about being perceived by others in this way ("loser", "nerd", etc)?

[introvertguy]

Pretty much I worry about being perceived those ways. Look, I'm 33, I'm a grown, mature adult. This is stuff junior high kids think they have to worry about. These derogatory labels are made up anyway, right?

[thesnowqueen]

Originally Posted by introvertguy

Look, I'm 33, I'm a grown, mature adult. This is stuff junior high kids think they have to worry about.

I'm sorry if I came across as very patronising earlier. Sometimes I think I'm being so great and helpful when all I'm doing is making things worse!

But I do still stand by the idea that 'nerd' and 'loser' are unhelpful concepts, that they are simplistic and lead to a distorted view of self and others. I think as young teens we begin judging each other and vying for social status and so we start using these terms which are basically insults. Perhaps that is why I presupposed you were younger.

Sorry again for the mistake - and for not having any better answer...

[introvertguy]

Sorry 'Queen, I didn't mean to imply you or anybody gave bad advice except LOL guy. Still, my question is, one I'm 33 and this is something grown ups don't worry about right and two stereotypes are fictional? I've never heard of adults ever worried about trivial stuff like this, why do I? Thanks.

[ECHOES]

I think many 'grown ups' worry about being labled and judged in many ways like 'nerd' and 'loser'. But I think those words have particular meaning for you and I think you have already decided they apply because (? - fill in the blank: because of your interests, personal achievements, etc?).

I think maybe you judge yourself this way and you fear others will too because you do, as if others don't have their own thoughts about you.

[introvertguy]

Family and friends say they don't see it, that I'm normal and this "nerd" thing is the result of my anxiety ridden and irrational mind.

[thesnowqueen]

I agree with Echo. There are a whole lot of terms we worry about, 'nerd' and 'loser' among them. And 'anxiety-ridden' and 'irrational' may be other ones. I struggle with anxiety, but I'd prefer not to be described as anxiety-ridden! That makes me sound overly passive. My emotions are not always reasonable, but I don't think of myself as outright 'irrational' because of that. After all, I am able to see that there isn't a fit.

Sorry, i think I'm going to but out of this thread cos i don't know if I'm being very helpful and I think others are able to relate better than I'm managing to!

xxxSnowQueen

[introvertguy]

Stereotypes aren't factual. You can't meet one on the street.

[introvertguy]

It's like the Seinfeld where George is hanging with Elaine's "cool guy" boyfriend. I believe what Jerry says to George is very true, "What're you, in 8th grade?" These aren't supposed to be adult concerns.

[ECHOES]

Originally Posted by introvertguy

Family and friends say they don't see it, that I'm normal and this "nerd" thing is the result of my anxiety ridden and irrational mind.

It's human nature to want to fit in, be accepted, feel good about who we are. Something keeps you from accepting yourself as you are. Judging and shaming yourself serves some purpose for you - it may 'justify' isolating and avoiding intimate relationships for example. It is deeper than what you do, it is about how you feel about yourself and the things you enjoy. The self judging and shaming keep you from deserved joy, but perhaps you feel you don't deserve that joy, so you decide that what you enjoy is something that should not be enjoyed. And you are left robbed of your joy.

[5-HTP]

Since when was being a nerd a bad thing to be?

Look at Neil DeGrasse Tyson. Look at Carl Sagan. Look at Ada Lovelace. Look at Rosalind Franklin. Look at prominent scientists, engineers, and philosophers.

[Chefguy]

I'm a proud nerd =) I tend to see we have more morals than the so called "cool" people. jmo

[introvertguy]

Neil Degrasse Tyson is awesome. I love watching "The Universe." Saw him on the Daily Show once, good speaker and conversationalist. I don't think people are nerds.