[spaceid]

I've been having anxiety since this past February concerning a relationship (if I can call it that) with this nice, cool guy. This is my first real adult relationship (I'm 28, he's 33) and my last was in high school when I was 15.

I really like this guy and want to know him for the rest of my life. However, I really don't know what I'm doing when it comes to relationships and that stresses me out greatly. I don't want to mess anything up and put a lot of pressure on myself.

However, starting a few days ago I've been discovering some things about myself and my situation that has been making me feel a lot better. I'm wondering if it is possible to make anxiety really go away? Does anyone have any success stories? I'm hoping that this will stick, but everyone once in awhile I get a little depressed. However, I make of note of it and try to move on.

Today I felt really calm and collected, but I'm scared it is not going to stick. I feel like within hours I could be bawling my eyes out and I want to get off of this roller coaster ride. I'm already seeing a therapist, but I'm not sure what good it is doing. Does anyone have any advice?

[BatsAndButterflies]

I can't really remember life without anxiety or some sort... but some people will just have it for a little while and eventually it fades.

[disguise123]

it fades , meds helped me!! And the space and diatance from my anxiety that they bought me has just made me stronger

[Leed]

Hi ~ I can't remember the last time I had an anxiety attack or a panic attack. I try not to think about them now so I don't possibly bring one on ~ but as far as I'm concerned, I'm "cured." LOL They used to be pretty bad, to the point where I would almost faint. I had one in the doctor's office once, and my pulse was over 200 -- the doctor couldn't even count it ~ and things started getting "dark." lol

It's been a long time since I had one and i hope i've seen the last of them. So I say YES -- you can completely recover from panic/anxiety. Hugs, Lee

[5-HTP]

This depends heavily on what the anxiety is caused by.

People can have inherited tendencies toward anxiety; I certainly do (hi Mom!)

Can you give some specific examples of how you don't know what you're doing?

[bummblebee]

I think it's perfectly normal to have some anxiety when your concerned about a relationship and it is even normal to get depressed sometimes. I think part of the problem at least in my case, was thinking I was abnormal for being nervous or concerned or even depressed. The truth is everyone is like you, they get anxious and depressed some people are just better at distracting themselves from it or suppressing their feelings. I was suffering from some 'mild' anxiety according to my counselor... I was graduating college, working on an honors thesis, and just started birth control (which really messes with your mental state). I was anxious all the time, I couldn't drive myself to school, sit in class, hang out with my friends, and I had this constant look of worry and dread on my face. My first instinct was to blame myself and to separate myself from people because I felt like I was going crazy. But I slowly realized that I am person just like everyone else, there isn't an emotion I have had that someone else hasn't shared. The key is to not beat yourself up, but when you do and the snowballing of negative feelings and anxiety come rushing back, get to a place where you can be alone and deal with it. Cry, shake, get dizzy whatever your symptoms are. Most importantly do not feel guilty for tending to yourself, even if it disrupts plans.

[spaceid]

Originally Posted by 5-HTP

Can you give some specific examples of how you don't know what you're doing?

I'm stressed because I feel really inexperienced when it comes to relationships. I hate not knowing what I am doing or where anything is going.

Originally Posted by bummblebee

I was graduating college, working on an honors thesis, and just started birth control (which really messes with your mental state).

I just started birth control in February too and about the beginning of March was when I started having all this anxiety and depression. I wondered whether it could have had an impact.

[kimjk]

I do believe it is possible to get over anxiety! I have been dealing with severe anxiety and frequent panic attacks for five years up until last fall. Meds really do help! And now that I'm off them, the feeling that I am now on my own and actually doing so independently without having to rely on the 'happy-pills', I am gaining my confidence back.

It does, however, take a load of effort on your part. You're worth it - but you can't say that's true, now matter how many people tell you, until you believe it yourself - that was what I struggled with most. And when life piles up high, it just adds to the weight that can eventually break you down into a sobbing fit. I hate it, everyone does. But you CAN get through it. It's like a war; you win some of the battles and you lose the rest, but what matters is that you have the final victory.

You can do it; it'll be hard, no doubt, but you can do it. Promise

[5-HTP]

Originally Posted by spaceid

I'm stressed because I feel really inexperienced when it comes to relationships. I hate not knowing what I am doing or where anything is going.

Anyone who's ever had a relationship by definition has had a first one. If you haven't been seeing this person long, you're still feeling each other out a bit, especially if you haven't been friends that long beforehand; I would bet they're a little nervous inside too if they don't already have the experience.

Originally Posted by spaceid

I just started birth control in February too and about the beginning of March was when I started having all this anxiety and depression. I wondered whether it could have had an impact.

Oh yes. It has an impact. I refuse to ever use hormones for birth control; in fact, I'm still a virgin and am not changing that status until I've had my tubes permanently blocked.

[muncie]

Hi spaceid, there are no two relationships alike, being there are no two people alike. Even though there's probably a ton of "how to" books on relationships, I suggest just "being yourself" with him. It's the easiest to do, and if you two are a good match, chances are the relationship will be a lasting one. The only other advice I might offer is "don't smother", men hate this. Good luck dear.