[iliketodance92]

So I'm in college and I've been struggling with emotional issues since middle school. When I was growing up my parents were emotionally abusive and I cut myself in order to deal with it for years. The years before I left for college I usually felt so hopeless and depressed I guess. I got over most of this and sometimes I feel like I'm perfectly okay, but then just when I think I'm okay for good I completely melt down. Small things I guess push me over the edge and I end up losing control, feeling like nothing will ever work out and just balling my eyes out uncontrollably for hours. And I cut myself a few weeks ago during a breakdown after not doing it for a year. I also worry uncontrollably about random things and let little things blow out of proportion into things that will ruin everything if they happen. I don't know if this was an anxiety attack, but I'm afraid of driving on unfamiliar roads in a car that isnt mine and I was coerced to dd and got pulled over for looking unsure of what way I was turning. I almost lost it completely. I was trying not to cry but could not stop shaking at all. I know there is something wrong with me but I don't know what it is. I know I shouldn't get too drunk when I'm already not that stable, but I do and have the worst meltdowns and want to die. I never got any help when I was still living at my house and in school even though thats what I wanted more than anything. Once I finally got to college I did go to the counseling center but it was really not helpful for me and I was unable to tell the counselor most of the stuff that happened growing up and how I really feel sometimes. I dont know what to do I just feel so uncomfortable a lot of the time and it interferes with things such as driving.

[the-alchemist]

Hey there, digital neighbor!

I'm so sorry for your troubles.

I think I can somewhat relate. My parents were also emotionally abusive and I stayed in my little shell until college. I've cut myself when the anxiety got too much, and exaggerate things (not intentionally, of course). I shake like a 1992 Ford Escort when I get pulled over. And drinking is mixed for me: it can make the hole I'm sinking into bigger or smaller.

To address driving more specifically, I used to have this horrible "habit" of checking the rear view mirror about every three seconds when driving. I was terrified of pissing someone off (which is different than your symptoms, I understand). No doubt that got dangerous for my own safety.

I mean, labels are nothing more than that--labels--but they can be helpful sometimes. Turns out I had massive anxiety. Seems so obvious in retrospect.

Anyways, post back and I'm sure we'll be able to find out something that works for you.

Keep your head up!

[the-alchemist]

Hey there! First off, keep your head up!

I think I can somewhat relate. My parents were emotionally unavailable and downright abusive growing up, and college was the first time I could come out of my little shell without risking punishment.

Driving used to be a nightmare for me (I still don't like it, but I can tolerate it). I used to have to check my rear-view mirror about every three seconds because I was terrified someone was pissed off at me. And I used to shake like crazy when I got pulled over (cop thought I was freezing and told me to get back inside my car).

Alcohol is a mixed bag too: sometimes it makes the hole I'm sinking to smaller and sometimes larger.

Labels are just that--labels, but I can tell you about my experience. I was diagnosed with GAD, but with the help of a good counselor and (eventually) psychiatrist, I'm much better now.

But it wasn't too long ago that I cut myself too, so I can feel your pain.

Anyways, keep that chip up and post back!

[animasana]

It sounds like you might have some anxiety. I think the emotional fragility is related to the emotional abuse you endured growing up. I'm not a medical professional, but I have almost the exact same problems you are writing about. I, too, put up with a lot of emotional and psychological abuse growing up. I'm the same way, with becoming emotional and out of control over little things. I never cut but I did self-injure in other ways. I think it is a symptom of having immense emotional pain built up from years of depression.

Again, I'm not not a medical professional. Just offering my opinion because I have a lot of experience with the problems you've written about.

It would probably be in your best interest to speak to a counselor, which I know can be weird or scary. Sometimes there are things we just can't tell our family and/or friends because they wouldn't know what to say or how to handle it...

[kaliope]

your story sounds very much like mine. i lived so many years struggling with those emotional issues, judging myself for being weak for not being able to handle the smallest things for when my emotions would get out of control. i tried counseling here and there, but like you I never told the counselor about my childhood. it wasnt until i was in my forties that the anxiety became so bad i started to see things that were not there. i would see massive car wrecks on the freeway in front of me, cars flying at me. this is just part of the emotional breakdown i had. but i finally went to counseling and admitted the abuse that happened to me as a child and was diagnosed with post tramatic stress disorder. so if you think you have an anxiety disorder, dont wait as long as i did. if you dont want these emotions controlling your life be honest about your past. it is well worth it.