[Hiding]

hi umm i have alot of anxiety and fear lately over my mom. but let me add info before going into that.
cancer is a huge issue in my family. both grandmas had breast cancer (survived)moms dad has prostate cancer, dads dad had bladder cancer and had lung cancer,moms oldest sister passed away from ovarian cancer,moms 2nd oldest sister had breast cancer that developed into bone cancer(doing well considering), moms brother has/had stomach cancer,.

at the e nd of march mom found out she has breast cancer in both breasts. =(
in a couple weeks they will be doing 3 surgeries at once.. a double mastectomy and taking her ovaries ( ovaries are a precautionary thing)
then before she is even fully healed from surgeries she will start both chemo and radiation.

mom has a very very weak stomach so chances are high she will be veryvery sick.

I am terrified. I am so afraid of losing her and I am afraid for her to be in pain and be so sick.

I am getting refills on meds this week which wil help me a bit buti am sooooo overwhelmed.

i do not think i can handle all of this at all.

[loveneverfails87]

I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this. I used to feel anxiety about my mother constantly as a child, and even now on occasion. I've always been terrified of losing her and I think a lot of that stemmed from the fact that her mother died from a massive heart attack so young and it terrified me that the same thing could happen to my mom. I can't begin to imagine what you are going through, but I do know it has to be difficult. The positive thing about this situation is that they caught it in time to do surgery. The chemo and radiation will probably be difficult for her but just be there for her as much as you possibly can. I'm sure she'll be just fine soon. I'll say a prayer for her. I wish her the best of luck. If you ever need to chat, send me a message. I'm a good listener and will do my best to help you however I can!

[Rohag]

Hello, Hiding(s)!

Originally Posted by Hiding

...i am sooooo overwhelmed.

i do not think i can handle all of this...

Can you handle some of it and let others handle the rest?

Thinking of you all and your mom... May you find yourself stronger than you think.

[sundog]

(((((Hiding))))) My heart really goes out to you. My Mum had breast cancer twice. She survived and has been doing well for many years now. But I know how agonizing it is to watch a beloved parent who is ill and to fear that we will lose them. I'm so very sorry that this is happening to your Mom and that you are having to face these fears.

I really hope the surgeries go as well as possible and that your Mom will be ok. I hope you have some people supporting you too. Wishing you and your Mom all the very best

[Hiding]

Originally Posted by Rohag

Hello, Hiding(s)!

Can you handle some of it and let others handle the rest?

Thinking of you all and your mom... May you find yourself stronger than you think.

My others really try to to handle things for me, but we have this issue with things that upset/trigger us. unlike most multis.. we can't go inside when we get triggered.. for some reason we one of us gets triggered we are stuck out until we calm down. the others like karma try to get out to handle things when that happens but its like she cant get out. like some invisible wall stops us from going inside or outside until the triggered one outside calms down.
it weird and confusing trust me ..it doesn't make sense to me either.

we all..especially karma .. wish we could figured out how to change how that works when someone is upset or triggered but we havent figured it out yet.
thanks for your kind thoughts. mom (and unfortunately me) need all the support and prayers she can get.

[muncie]

My dear Hiding, my heart goes out to you. The only thing I can think to say is "one day at a time", try not to think too far ahead and stay in the present. You can only deal with what's happening right now anyway. I agree with loveneverfails that the fact they are doing surgery before chemo and radiation is a positive sign. My cousin had a double mastectomy over 2 years ago and is healthy and cancer free now. If you're not already familiar with the Serenity Prayer, I suggest you print it off and re-read when necessary. I can guarantee you are much stronger than you think. When the time comes to be strong, something takes over and gets you through. I have experienced this many times in my life and I'm a senior now. Count on me (like the others who have answered your post) to offer my support thru a PM at any time over the coming months. Hon, there's no place to run, no place to hide, the only way out is through it.

[Hiding]

Originally Posted by muncie

My dear Hiding, my heart goes out to you. The only thing I can think to say is "one day at a time", try not to think too far ahead and stay in the present. You can only deal with what's happening right now anyway. I agree with loveneverfails that the fact they are doing surgery before chemo and radiation is a positive sign. My cousin had a double mastectomy over 2 years ago and is healthy and cancer free now. If you're not already familiar with the Serenity Prayer, I suggest you print it off and re-read when necessary. I can guarantee you are much stronger than you think. When the time comes to be strong, something takes over and gets you through. I have experienced this many times in my life and I'm a senior now. Count on me (like the others who have answered your post) to offer my support thru a PM at any time over the coming months. Hon, there's no place to run, no place to hide, the only way out is through it.

Thank you. I am familiar with the Serenity prayer.May I ask some questions about your cousin? How much pain was she is after the surgery? (ive always heard breast implants hurt horribly and im hoping it wont be that sort of pain) but I guess all and any surgery has pain afterwards..i know mine have. I am just hoping it wont be too bad. I know mom has a better pain tolerance than I do , but still it kills me inside to know she may be hurting alot.

I think the hardest part is that ive always had massive empathy with my mom. when she cries over stuff I hurt inside just as much as she does. it breaks my heart and well i honestly am not sure i can handle this.. with my depression and anxiety .. which i suspect will be in hyperspeed mode.. my xanax will def. be my best friend.
i have my husband for support but i dont want crumble on him too much as he has depression too and when he lost his mom yrs ago it killed him and still causes him lingering emotional issues to a degree.
Thank you for your support and kind words it is really nice to know people care and are there if i need to talk.

[muncie]

Dear Hiding, I don't have a lot of details on my cousin's surgery as we live in different parts of the state, but I do know the hospital sends you home too early after surgery. Has something to do with insurance, which support groups are attempting to change. I know the first few days at home are difficult because of drainage from the area of incision. But better to get all that info from her dr. Go with her, and don't be afraid to have all your questions answered, in fact write them out and bring it along. Most drs. are in such a hurry and will run off if you let them. Definitely the Xanax will help take the edge off. I have used anxiety meds many times during a rough patch. I try to take them only when there's a real need, if you take too often they lose their effect. Be thankful for the closeness and compassion you have with your mother. My mom & I have always been competitive and combative with each other. There's love on a deeper level, but on the surface never the real understanding and closeness that you and your mom enjoy. I wish you and your mom the best on her journey to wellness.

[Hiding]

thanks muncie.
Mom goes for her pre op appts on the 22nd(this thurs i think) our aunt is going with her to that appt tho so mom doesnt want us to go with her.. which upsets us all but for somereason mom thinks if we go there will be too many people since when is mom+us+aunt =3ppl too many ppl? hmm..
shrug mom is weiird sometimes.. she has anxiety probs too tho.

yeah we only take our xanax when needed ..in fact our script sayas to take 1 3 times a day but we dont.. so 1 refill will last us 2 or 3 mths. shrug

we are s tarting to get really really freaking anxious about this week tho cuz usually they do preops only the day or maybe 2 days before the surgery..

wish we could stop time..=/\im gonna try to behave during everything and not SH us but i just cant promise..
SADIE

[muncie]

Dear Hiding, actually the sooner the surgery is scheduled the better for everyone. Maybe Mom is trying to protect you by not wanting you to attend dr.'s appt., you know -TMI. I believe you will both come out of this stronger and have many more years with your Mom. I wish you the best.

[Hiding]

Thanks Muncie. We aren't sure mom is trying to protect us or not. we just..Idk.. wish we could go to hear it all from the dr's mouth and to be able to ask questions and stuff..

since they are saying her preop is thurs..we are thinking surgery maybe this friday.. at least that was how surgery worked for us in the past.. but thurs is when they will tell her when itll be but they are calling it a pre op appt so idk.. confusing..

anyhow we are VERY VERY nervous!
=/
Kasiey

[muncie]

Hiding, have you considered going to her appt. in spite of what she says? I honestly feel if you know exactly what's going on you will feel more in control. The more info you have the better, then you will be able to monitor her care more closely as well. Tell her you feel it's important that you attend. If you can't run away from it, you may as well face it head on. Knowledge is power.

[muncie]

How are you and your mom doing Hiding?