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#1
Jul 16, 2011, 01:02 AM
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I've been staying with my friends for the past few days and I have had so much fun the entire time I was there. It was amazing being around awesome people.
On my way home, however, the anxiety started slowly coming back little by little and now I'm in my room freaking out a bit. I hate how everything just builds up and just when you think everything is great, you are loved, and nothing should bother you... it hits you. I'm trying so very hard not to feel so overwhelmed, but it is not working at all... I don't really know why I'm posting this or what I am looking for, I just needed to vent because the anxiety is driving me crazy and I'm trying to keep from scratching like I tend to do when I'm freaking out a lot...
__________________
 Happy Birthday to Me. “Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music." 
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#2
Jul 16, 2011, 02:53 AM
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venting is good. I too suffer anxiety especially when ive been doing lots of socialising. Try not to get caught into negative thought at patterns and rest if you can. Your body is probably reacting to the fight/flight response. Try be calm and conince your body that its safe.
Thinking of you 
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#3
Jul 16, 2011, 10:20 AM
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Thank you. I got less than four hours of sleep last night, woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. I thought I would feel a bit better this morning, but I still don't feel good. My stomach is not happy with my anxiety and lack of sleep/food.
I'm trying to just keep breathing and not get overwhelmed today. Thank you for the response 
__________________
Happy Birthday to Me. “Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music."
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#4
Jul 16, 2011, 05:00 PM
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goodluck
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 BatsAndButterflies
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#5
Jul 16, 2011, 05:10 PM
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 wishing you deeo calming oeaceful and restful breaths and sleep. You are safe, your are loved you are peaceful laurie...
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| BatsAndButterflies
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#6
Jul 16, 2011, 06:22 PM
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I know exactly how you feel!!!
I hate it. :[ When I was going through a break-up and having a rough time, I didn't want anything to do with people. Then one of my friends said that I should go to the school dance. I agreed and had such an amazing time! I was so glad that I went. I was sooooo happy!!! ^_^ Well....for a while at least. All the bad memories started to come back again and I was sad...again :[ It's very frustrating for me. I tried getting the good memories to came back and think about happier times. It never worked. It took a while but I was able to stop thinking of my past relationship. I'm also ALWAYS anxious and thinking about something constantly. Which make the bad memories worse. I hope you get through this better than what I did. <3 You'll be in my thoughts :]
__________________
“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.” - Paulo Coelho |
| BatsAndButterflies
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#7
Jul 16, 2011, 08:36 PM
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Thank you so much for the support everyone. I'm mainly stressed about this new job and everything that goes along with it...
-He asked what I would do it for so now I have to find a salary that will pay for all the gas and one that my parents won't fuss at me about being too low. -I've never been paid to teach music before so what if I'm no good? -I'm writing warm ups what if they are too difficult or too boring for them? -I have to send in my background check thingy and I'm scared I'll forget. -I have to NOT be awkward... -I have to see if I can stay with my friend for a week so I don't have to drive twice as far... -I have to borrow my grandfather's truck and drive there. Driving scares me so much and I barely ever do it... ugh. It just makes me feel sick... I'm trying to just close my eyes, relax, and breathe. The only problem is, after a second I forget that I'm trying to calm down and let all the panicky thoughts back into my brain...
__________________
Happy Birthday to Me. “Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music."
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#8
Jul 18, 2011, 09:30 PM
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"I'm trying to just close my eyes, relax, and breathe. The only problem is, after a second I forget that I'm trying to calm down and let all the panicky thoughts back into my brain..."This drives me crazy. Crazier than when I start. I grind my teeth and I try to put my finger in my mouth (when I'm alone at the computer so people don't think I'm hannibal-lecter). Then if I don't start biting my nails, I stop grinding my teeth for a minute, remove my finger and start grinding again. Closing my eyes and breathing is like mission impossible. "I'm trying to keep from scratching like I tend to do when I'm freaking out a lot..."Sorry to t/j but is this anxiety related? I've had ridiculously itchy legs since I can remember. I've always layered on the moisturizer but it never really helps, my skin isn't all that dry, but that's all I/senseless-doctor can come up with. Now that I'm older and more conscious of it, I notice I do it when I'm panicking. You may have just solved the greatest medical mystery of my life!! I hope you feel better, it's always hard to get back to normal life after being in a peaceful place. Especially with a new job (I just started one). I'm guessing you like music if you are willing to teach it, I don't know who you are teaching, but try to show them what you find enjoyable about it. If the warm ups are hard at first, see if it's a level that they can get to, if you don't think it's realistic, revise them. That's the lovely thing about teaching, YOU are in control. Do you have a calendar or phone you can put a reminder on for the background check? Can you do it right away so you don't have to worry about it? Changing lanes makes me nervous when I'm driving, try to stick with the parts that you are more comfortable with. I think anyone would be awkward at first, whoever you are teaching will probably be nervous too, so try to find a happy medium dual awkwardness. (yeah, I know that totally doesn't help but I'm a "fixer" so I need to feel like I have an answer) There's a difference in location/instrument/I don't know what level you play and what your teaching/every other factor imaginable. BUT, here is what my piano teaching friend said, $10-$20 per half hour depending on your qualifications. I'm not sure if it would change at all but here our minimum wage is $10.25/hr so.....ya. Also we have a "Royal Conservatory" (http://www.rcmexaminations.org/index.html) and my musically knowledgeable friend suggested that if you contacted them, they could give you guidelines. It seems Canadian but it says it's available across North America, so maybe it's worth a shot? I'm putting an end to my rambles now, hope you feel better |
| BatsAndButterflies
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#9
Jul 18, 2011, 10:32 PM
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The scratching is a bad habit of mine. When my anxiety builds up I tend to take it out on my own skin... which is not a good thing.
I got the background check thing in the mail and I'm working on the other stuff...
__________________
Happy Birthday to Me. “Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music."
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#10
Jul 19, 2011, 10:40 AM
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I never really saw it as being a habit, but then again I never saw my anxiety as anxiety. But it sort of connects that I might be taking anxiety out on my skin.
What helps me is if I make to do list and check things off. Sometimes seeing the things that I have gotten done being crossed off on paper can help me slow down |
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#11
Jul 19, 2011, 01:25 PM
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Thank you! I used to make lists all the time and they helped. I don't know why I ever stopped. I'm going to do that now.
__________________
Happy Birthday to Me. “Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music."
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#12
Jul 19, 2011, 06:08 PM
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Quote:
Ironically, at one point I was so busy I stopped making lists. I just got to the point that I felt like I didn't have time to make it. Even though it takes a few minutes and saves me many minutes of panic and stress. |
| BatsAndButterflies
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