Just a Rant

I'm struggling this week with Extreme anxiety and Depression. I recently quit my job thinking I had another line up but that fell through. I feel like I will never have a good job and I will never be able to afford the things I need (like for a family) .......Every morning this week I feel there is no reason to get out of bed and sleep/toss/turn until I'm feeling ill from over sleeping and still fall asleep on the couch later in the afternoon. I seem to suffer from night terrors too...these seem to come and go -lately I've had them almost every night. I'll wake and scream and flail and pant for a few minutes then fall back asleep- I only know about this because my husband tells me. I can't make simple decisions like what to eat for lunch. That simple question turned into a huge fight today!

I have no purpose in life I'm just wasting space and soon they will all realize this and want nothing to do with me...I'm going home to see my family next week and I know my mom will comment on my thinning hair-- my lack of work-- my low status job--- my general failure--- don't get me wrong I love my mom and spending time with her I just know I will have to endure these comments-- my dad will comment on her drinking and how grandmas being annoying or sick or how he got into another fight with a family member.... My brother will smile and shake his head - he doesn't get me at all he just tries to except me but sometimes that falls into disapproving... I'll freak out ( I'm already having trouble breathing and am shaking writing this) about seeing everyone including my one friend still in the area then over analyze it all later just to see how stupid I've been Grrr my brain will not stop the more I type the more worries and obsessions come up. Sorry this is a rambling mess but My mind tends to do that and I was really just hoping there's someone who can relate. Anyway, thanks for listening

Offering you empathy and the fyi that you are NOT alone. I feel this way almost everyday.

Oh my! I can relate! One thing I find that helps me is.....I tell myself not to worry about the future, take things as they come. I catch myself trying to fix things that haven't even happened yet. I need to learn how to relax!

Robog,
You mentioned thining hair and anxiety and depression, did you know those are symptoms of having a thyroid problem? You need to have that checked out.

Open Eyes

As far as the Thyroid thing I had that first checked out when I was 16 (when my hair first started thinning) and again about 6months - 1yr ago It is fine. Doctors say 1 of 2 things. A) Genetic- as many women on my mom said have thinning hair (only they usually don't start losing it until their ~50's) and B) stress
I've always struggled Anxiety. Even when I was a little girl I hated school because I'd have to deal with the social aspects. My dad pushed me all the time. "you need to make a friend today" Or tonight at our family gathering you will tell this joke i perpared-- drove him nuts when I would hide and cry until he relented. I used to have a few close friends though... Now Its me and my husband( who is an amazing person and has helped me through a lot)...he has some friends I can kinda count as friends and I have a friend from back home that I talkt o about once or twice ever 6 months. I crave friends but every time I'm with people I clam up and over analyze everything.

Queen of Chaos had posted a thread in the Health Forum I think about the fact that just a simple tyroid blood test did not always show a problem when there was a problem and that sometimes you have to have an ultrasound or maybe cat scan.
She had found out she was having problems after many years of suffering by further testing.

But I do understand there can be hereditary reasons and stress can effect your hair.

Sorry you are struggling, good to hear you have a good husband that is understanding and kind, worth a hundred friends.

Open Eyes

Well I certainly will try and talk to a doctor about it as soon as I can. It would be nice to think that could help. Thanks for the info. I always assumed that the Blood work was all they had to check it with and if the blood work was "normal" everything was working okay.