End of the line on how much I can do...

I'm in a phase. That's all it is I know that. But it's such a nasty vicious cycle and it's wearing me out. I'm so drained from this.

Due to medical issues, I have developed yet another anxiety cycle. Starts with the fear of the medical problem happening again. As I learn that it wont happen again my mind comes up with new ideas on what may happen because of the last physical issue. That turns into just full blown anxiety and before I knew it I was having multiple attacks a day. The last phase I was having close to 30 minor attacks a day! Now it's about 4 or 5 but they aren't as minor as they were before, they are much more difficult.

My s/o says that I need to just stop thinking about it. Forget everything that worries me, just ignore it. He doesn't understand. These thoughts come from no where and while I am convincing myself that they are not real, my body is convincing me they are.

I know I'm irrational during these times, I know it's anxiety, I know I will live and be ok... But I can't stop them still! What do you do when you know all the facts, you know how you're supposed to stop them but it doesn't work?

I wont take beta blockers for this. I'm sorry but anxiety already with my health and my heart and then being put on heart meds that do the opposite of what I need? I think not!

Valium was my only relief. But it's so hard to come by when you don't have a steady understanding doc or a t or pdoc. GPs really don't like giving Valium out, but it's the only thing I feel safe taking, it's the only thing that seems to work. It saved my life I believe. (Long story)
I've done all the techniques I can mentally. I've learned everything you should learn to beat this but I can't do it. I can't stop it.

Sound familiar to anyone?

How do beta blockers do the opposite of what you need? And I think i get what you're saying about health anxieties. I would work myself up into a frenzy over different health matters on a regular basis, but actually all these things are pretty stable, I think. I am on beta blockers, but my mother calling can still give me severe heart palpitations.

The beta blocker may do harm, may do good I really don't know for certain but I know the thought of putting those chemicals that mess with my heart in my body causes another attack on its own.

I have an irregular heart beat. I was "diagnosed" with it about 4 years ago. I noticed while sitting on my couch one day that my heart started racing out of no where. I assumed it was the start of an attack but it wasn't. Suddenly after a few seconds of my heart pounding it stopped. But it didn't stop pounding it stopped beating for what seemed like 2-3 seconds solid. I was holding my hand over my chest at that time to see and confirm. I felt no beat. Then bam it started beating again and normal beating. I've fainted and stopped breathing for almost 3 minutes, something my doctor said was a result of my heart giving out.

The irregular heart beat could likely be helped with the beta blockers I will not deny that. BUT I average low blood pressure. They are supposed to lower your blood pressure right? I would have to run 5 miles, smoke a pack of cigarettes and have lost my home to a fire or something for my blood pressure to be at the normal range. It averages very low and any time it's "normal" it's really high to me and my body. The idea of it going any lower... Knowing the lower the blood pressure, the lower heart activity, the lower life activity... It causes my anxiety to go sky high thinking about taking meds for that.... My thinking may not be rational but it's real to me.

I'm terrified of meds, even more so after my last major medical event, I only trust meds I know and even those I don't trust 99.95% of

If you can't beat a problem, befriend it!

You are spending all your energy trying to "stop" what you know you cannot, your random, negative thoughts. Go "with" their punch instead of trying to resist it, let the thoughts whiz right by you as if they are friends on your team at the roller derby meet. Smile at them and "recognize" them; they aren't ever going to let you ignore a genuine health problem, are they? Thank them for their services, for being there. Pushing something makes it push back; "for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction" (Newton's 3rd Law of Motion).

Make it okay to think whatever thoughts you think and you won't need to think about them so much if you don't want to. That's what most people who aren't anxious think "ignoring" is about, I think, they just automatically don't see some of the thoughts as often because they thing all their thoughts but decide to go on to one's they choose.

Where it gets difficult is that sometimes it is easier to concentrate on worries about problems we can't do anything about or are safe from than to look at and work on actual problems we can work on.

When my husband would go out of town and leave me in the house alone, suddenly I was overly anxious about thieves, murderers, rapists, etc. I had lived alone in my apartment before meeting my husband for 13 years with no problem! That's how I knew my fears were a screen for something else I did not want to consider; being without my husband, being alone and having to take care of myself by myself. I was working on that in therapy so thought of another way to reassure myself when my husband was away; I set up the lighting the same way as it was when he was home and it felt more "natural" to me, like he was just in the other room working when I went to bed.

Maybe you can get an email from one of your doctors and be allowed to send your fears to them when you have them? You could give yourself the feeling someone knew and was aware of your fears so you weren't alone with them, they'd be ready to "help" if something were to happen. I would buy a notebook and keep a fear journal, write it all down, the good, the bad, the things you learn and the things you fear; give thinking about your anxieties a certain time of day each day, let them know they matter (like one does a dream journal; often just recording dreams can make the nightmares lessen or stop repeating dreams because they "know" you are paying attention).