[knphelan]

I have extreme anxiety. I always need to control and make everything right. I over study, over work, and over stress. This has helped me and hurt me professionally. I am recognized for my ambitious work ethic and I'm the one who everyone goes to if they have a question. It also did get me promoted. But it may be short lived, as I'm scared I will have a breakdown there. Any sort of criticism or real stress I have a panic attack. Any time I can't control things I have one as well. I had a sales job in the past where if you didn't sell enough you were fired. The thought of not knowing my life was stable had me crying multiple times a day. Breaking into tears at work in front of everyone. Having panic attacks that lasted the entire day and made it difficult to sleep even hours later. A feeling of mania sort of comes over me. I can't even stand the idea that a vacation isn't planned to the T. The thought of one thing bad on my credit report has me obsessively checking my bills to make sure they are on time. It has taken control of my life and I have been self medicating with alcohol. I tried the medicine 10 years ago and it made me have no anxiety. Which made me quit my job with no back up plan. I need help and I don't want to become an alcoholic like my mother. Can anyone relate to these symptoms or fears?

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by knphelan

I am recognized for my ambitious work ethic and I'm the one who everyone goes to if they have a question. It also did get me promoted. But it may be short lived, as I'm scared I will have a breakdown there.

I can ABSOLUTELY relate. This is where I am at right now. I am always the one people go to - to the point where it's keeping me from doing my own work. I got promoted and I can't get my job done. Or at least it seems that way in my mind.

You are not alone.

[kaliope]

I can certainly relate. I really struggle with anxiety. i am confused by your statement that you tried the meds ten years ago and it made you have no anxiety. which made you quit your job with no back up plan. are you saying you need the anxiety to function? That would make sense too as a certain level of anxiety helps with the need to control, but the level your describing is certainly impairing your level of functioning, or could if you cant keep the panic attacks at bay. perhaps a mild antianxiety that just takes the edge off would work? buspar is good, and nonaddicting. my pdoc has me on clonodine which is a blood pressure med, just takes the edge off, but isnt an antianxiety. I would definately talk to a doc about your options.

[knphelan]

Originally Posted by pbutton

I can ABSOLUTELY relate. This is where I am at right now. I am always the one people go to - to the point where it's keeping me from doing my own work. I got promoted and I can't get my job done. Or at least it seems that way in my mind.

You are not alone.

Me as well. I know I am doing my job but I always expect more from myself. Why can't I do everything type of thing. My job was to be on the phones 100% of the time, now I am off the phones 50% of the time and i still expect myself to produce the same as I did before and to train all of the people under me and do all of my managerial duties. If I can't get it all done i am a failure.

[knphelan]

Originally Posted by kaliope

I can certainly relate. I really struggle with anxiety. i am confused by your statement that you tried the meds ten years ago and it made you have no anxiety. which made you quit your job with no back up plan. are you saying you need the anxiety to function? That would make sense too as a certain level of anxiety helps with the need to control, but the level your describing is certainly impairing your level of functioning, or could if you cant keep the panic attacks at bay. perhaps a mild antianxiety that just takes the edge off would work? buspar is good, and nonaddicting. my pdoc has me on clonodine which is a blood pressure med, just takes the edge off, but isnt an antianxiety. I would definately talk to a doc about your options.

What I mean is I seemed to have no worries on fluoxitine and massive depression. It made me not worry if I called in to work. I basically stopped caring about thing things that are important. And yes I think I need anxiety to function. Just not the level that I have. I really did well on alprazolam but they said that was addictive and stopped prescribing it. I seem to go maybe a month or two without panic attacks and then I have a bunch of them in a row. I am not sure if they are only panic attacks. I almost feel psychotic. I am so freaked out and paranoid that I can't keep it hidden. I start panicking to my superiors about things that are not important in the scheme of things. I speak fast and I start going 90 miles an hour. I sometimes cry and feel like I'm not in reality. Sometimes it doesn't subside for the entire day. The last one I had was brought on by call monitoring. I got some negative feedback on a call I had and I took it really hard. As a reflection of me. All of a sudden i started thinking insanely. That I might lose my job, that they all hated me, they think I'm a bad employee etc. I basically hyperventilated, was almost crying. I then obsessively started emailing the person doing the call monitoring on almost every call to see if I did ok on it. I mean this type of behavior is insane. It has never lost me a job but I fear it will or will keep me from succeeding.

[knphelan]

Originally Posted by knphelan

What I mean is I seemed to have no worries on fluoxitine and massive depression. It made me not worry if I called in to work. I basically stopped caring about thing things that are important. And yes I think I need anxiety to function. Just not the level that I have. I really did well on alprazolam but they said that was addictive and stopped prescribing it. I seem to go maybe a month or two without panic attacks and then I have a bunch of them in a row. I am not sure if they are only panic attacks. I almost feel psychotic. I am so freaked out and paranoid that I can't keep it hidden. I start panicking to my superiors about things that are not important in the scheme of things. I speak fast and I start going 90 miles an hour. I sometimes cry and feel like I'm not in reality. Sometimes it doesn't subside for the entire day. The last one I had was brought on by call monitoring. I got some negative feedback on a call I had and I took it really hard. As a reflection of me. All of a sudden i started thinking insanely. That I might lose my job, that they all hated me, they think I'm a bad employee etc. I basically hyperventilated, was almost crying. I then obsessively started emailing the person doing the call monitoring on almost every call to see if I did ok on it. I mean this type of behavior is insane. It has never lost me a job but I fear it will or will keep me from succeeding.

Also when I'm not having these insane "episodes" or whatever you want to call it. I am constantly anxious. I can't relax. I am always planning. We are going on vacation and I can't stop obsessing over making sure every detail is ok. That we have all of the hotels booked, I know which taxi we will take from here to there, basically I can't just "go with it". I am really worried that we will get there and be sleeping on the street or our flight won't be booked right so I obsessively keep checking it to make sure it is ok. etc. I can't even relax watching tv. The only thing that helps is alcohol. I frequently almost have nervous breakdowns when I think I dont' get something in a class. I think i'm failing out of school, I will never get a good job, i have to quit school as I can't do it. I just overreact and panic constantly

[knphelan]

Originally Posted by pbutton

I can ABSOLUTELY relate. This is where I am at right now. I am always the one people go to - to the point where it's keeping me from doing my own work. I got promoted and I can't get my job done. Or at least it seems that way in my mind.

You are not alone.

I had a bad episode today. I had to give reviews to my co-workers or the people I supervise. I have had a massive anxiety spell today. I mean I always have it but some days it gets to about a 10 level and won't dissipate. I am still freaking out at almost 1 in the morning. It sounds like you really are going through a similar situation. Is anything working for you to help this. I am worried I will lose my job and fail because of this anxiety.