This is kind of long.

I'm new here, I'll try to make it quick. Whoever has the patience to read this has my respect...

To start off, I'm 15, but my problems began at age 6 (give or take a year, my memory is terrible). At the time I was worrying about people breaking into the house, my parents dying, etc, just things little kids shouldn't have to worry about. A few tests were run on me by a psychologist, and was found to have anxiety, among other things. I learned to live with it, and it seemed to have gone away around age 11. At age 13-14, I had a "relapse" of sorts. It started out as something minor, I just acted real careful, I didn't do anything to get into trouble, but it culminated into something that dominates my life today. I went from being the careful kid that never did anything fun or risky, to the kid that was kind of messed up in the head. I descended into a world of paranoid thinking and CONSTANT worry over things other people wouldn't bat an eye at. The primary thing I worry about is government surveillance (but it's by no means limited to that), which is very ironic because I come from a family of cops. My dad was a cop, my mom was, my grandfather, the list goes on. I haven't done anything wrong, so I assume I have no reason to worry, but I just can't stop thinking about it. I feel like I'm being watched constantly, and I act as if I were, even in private. I run "what if" scenarios through my head 24/7. "What if" is the doctrine I live by, and it gets so tiring. Every time I hear a siren or something like that, I freeze, I drop everything I'm doing and just wait. I feel like they're out to get me.

Now, what is really unfortunate for me is some of the people I know, online and offline. Online, I know a person who is mentally unstable. He's kind of delusional. One night, he made the impression that the government was watching him, and tried to get me to talk in code language so "they" wouldn't be able to tell what we were saying, and was generally acting out of the ordinary. This scared the living crap out of me, and triggered a mental breakdown of sorts. I felt like the apocalypse had arrived. Offline, I know someone from school that's a trouble maker by nature. He walks through people's yards and things like that on the way to someone's house in the dead of night and asks me to go with him. It may not seem like a big deal, but to me it's traumatizing, and that ruins everything for everyone.

I also find it very hard to talk to people. It was even hard for me to post this topic, I worry that something is wrong with what I'm saying or doing. I have so much more wrong with me, but it'd be way too much to fit into one post, besides, when I type long posts they usually turn into a disasterous train wreck.

Is anyone else like this? Should I go see a psychiatrist or something?

((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ((((((( HUGS )))))))

Yes, a doctor would be a good place to start.... for what you are describing could be one of many different disorders that can be helped with medicine, therapy and CBT - you need to learn to face your anxiety and learn to retrain your irrational thoughts / feelings.

Good Luck ....

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

I am much older than you, grngfn but like you, my anxiety problems started very early. I agree with Rhapsody about seeing someone and getting diagnosed. If you wait too long some of your unhealthy thinking may become so ingrained that it almost becomes part of your personality and treatment becomes much more complicated. Either your school guidance counsellor or your family doctor might be a good place to start.As for your friends who have a negative influence on you, you might want to limit your contact with them until you're in a stronger place. Hope you can get some help soon.

Thanks for the replies

That sounds like a plan. Now I just need to describe all of this to my mom (she knows I have anxiety, but doesn't know about all of the paranoid thoughts).

BTW, I've been on two medications in my lifetime for this problem. One was Zoloft, the other was Prozac. Both seemed to curb the problem a little, but not substantially. Are there any other options for me as far as medications go?

I am presently on Celexa (20 mg) for anxiety and mood swings.... it seems to be working really good for me.

Please do keep in mind that medicine alone will not solve this issue for you - you need to seek counseling with some CBT.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Yeah, I'm pretty sure therapy is better than any medicine.

could you print out your post and let your mom read it. you are very, very mature for a 15 year old and i think you're headed in the right direction for getting help. posting here was a huge step for you. xoxoxo pat