Having trouble dealing

So I'm on antidepressants because my psychiatrist thinks I'm just really depressed, but I find myself still taking lorazapram sometimes but I want to talk to her about doing something else as well. I think I have more anxiety than depression, which thus increases my depression. I have these inner freak out- I also think I don't percieve reality correctly sometimes, or nearly all the time. I often think people have a problem with me when they don't. My job is too emotionally draining, I don't always have the energy to deal with people and keep up my aquaintance relationships. I feel like people think I'm being fake when I just care too much. But then everyones different, and I know not everyone's going to be the same everyday, People all have their bad days- just like mine today. I came up with this little diddy in my head today, it goes like this, "I hate my job, I hate my job, " and repeat over and over again. I occasionally had a verse of 'I want to kill myself in there' as well. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't really want to kill myself, but that's what I tell myself now instead of simply, "I suck', etc. I think it's mostly the job. I'm taking a class to better myself and I wish I could up and leave tomorrow. But I also know tomorrow will be a better day- mostly because every other day is always better for me mood wise - for the most part. It's weird. I have some therapist names I've been meaning to call to set up appts with, as my pysch.dr. office helped find me according to my needs- which she seems to think is under the category of 'supportive therapy." Hell, I still remember random stuff from my childhood that I still haven't gotten over. I'm a mess sometimes. But I'm currently cleaning my apartment- it needs to be done- that'll at least make me feel a bit better. I'm sure it'd help too if I had more than one friend and my family to talk to.

daisy
anxiety usually goes hand in hand with depression. getting a T would be a good idea. you could develop some coping strategies to deal with the anxiety. thinking people have a problem with you when they don't are just that, thoughts. its not a medication issue, but thinking errors youre dealing with and a therapist could help you work on that as well.

one stategy you could employ is to remember that your feelings follow your thoughts, so if you are having negative thoughts, your feelings will follow. so if you are chanting how much you hate your job, you are going to be miserable there. instead focus on something positive about your job, like your paycheck. if youre thinking about how much you like the benefits of it, you will find your job more pleasant.

same with positive aspects of yourself. what are good things about you that you could focus on?

Hang in there. Hugs