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#1
Mar 04, 2012, 11:21 PM
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Quick time line: I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder about 14 years ago. For the last 12 years I have been absolutely out of control, outgoing, fearless, and the like. During that time I was a raging drug addict and alcoholic. The next year or so I started to slow down and try to get a grip on things. As I started the process of getting clean and sober I started to notice major anxiety and an inability to function in society. What I mean by that is that I felt so uncomfortable around people that I wanted to either pass out or lash out (lashing out is normal for me, but became extreme).
Next I got diagnosed as bipolar with ocd, about 6 months ago. That started to make sense to me because of all my rituals and phobias. With all this going on I completely stopped all drugs and alcohol on 10/11/11. To do this I quit my job and rid myself of everyone I knew. Now I can't go out of the damn house. I've only left the house once, so far, to go to my psychiatrist, which was 4 days after I got clean. I am about to run out of medication and made an appointment to see the doc this Tuesday. Thinking about leaving the house is paralyzing me, just the thought. I know I have to go! As a side note: I have always, for the most part, been aggressive, have driven so many people away from me, alienated a large part of my family, and have just been a mess. My question: am I becoming agoraphobic or is this something else? I was trying to keep it short, so feel free to ask me anything I may have left out and I know I am going to the doc in 2 days but not knowing now is hell. |
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#2
Mar 05, 2012, 01:37 AM
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I think it is something else. You have a pattern, things you have "learned" over a long period of time and now you are trying to do the exact opposite; you have no references for this life, no background, safety net (it sounds like) or support? I don't know who wouldn't be scared to go outside because of that?
Can you call a friend, relative, anyone (even from your old life) to come help you get out of the house and to the doctor's? Call a cab to come take you and bring you home? You need some real live people in your life, you've gone from out of control to stuck in your own head/house! Neither one of those is "correct"/healthy and meds aren't necessarily going to help. Get to the doctor's and get a therapist and figure out how to start some healthy interaction with other people. Living in your own head, alone, we can talk ourselves into any darn thing we imagine because we have no other people to bounce things off of and interact with to get feedback. Don't talk yourself into agoraphobia!
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"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
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#3
Mar 05, 2012, 09:18 AM
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I have experienced this as well, today in fact. It is absolutely a paralyzing feeling and unless someone has been there, they can't relate. Are you on anxiety meds? If not, talk to your doctor about them. They DO help and they can help you feel more in control of what you can and cannot do. Just don't take them if they make you drowsy, give them a few days to show you what side effects they give you.
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"We must accept life for what it actually is -- a challenge to our quality without which we should never know of what stuff we are made, or grow to our full stature." -Ida R. Wylie "The best way to succeed in life is to act on the advice we give to others." -Anon. There is one thing stronger than all the armies in the world, and that is an idea whose time has come. -Victor Hugo |
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#4
Mar 05, 2012, 10:39 PM
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#5
Mar 05, 2012, 10:42 PM
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#6
Mar 06, 2012, 02:55 AM
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I take Cymbalta as well. 20mgs is currently helping with my Fibromyalgia, but it doesn't do a whole lot for my depression any more. I have to slowly increase it to 40, which is about all my body can tolerate any more.
When it was first released in 2004 none of my area pharmacies were carrying it, so my doctor gave me every sample he had since I was the only patient inquiring about it and had already heavily researched it. I went from taking 60 mgs, to 120, and then moved up to (6) 60mg capsules. My doctor knew what I was doing, he warned me it could become a problem and to watch my kidneys, but he was relieved that it was helping me. And that helped for a long time and put my depression almost on the backburner, so I was able to go off of it for a year or so. This medication seems to work best once you've got enough of it in your system, lets say a year or a year and a half, and then go off of it for a period of time, but only if you physically feel like you can. The side effects are killing me this time around, but are nowhere near as bad as some of the other meds I've had to take in the past. There are anti-anxiety meds that aren't addictive. Ask if you can try Buspar. That was the first medicine I ever took for anxiety, it's not addictive in any way. It takes about 2-4 weeks for it to work, but it might help you a LOT, so it is worth trying. Call and ask if he can call it in for you. It took me a long time to find the right doctor for me, one who wasn't afraid to prescribe meds that he knew could help me, even if they were being used off-label. I've dealt with plenty of doctors that absolutely refused to prescribe certain types of medication. They're not actually concerned about anything other than covering their own asses. Don't ever feel like you can't go to another doctor and get another person's viewpoint. This is your life and your health, put you FIRST. I'm here if you need to vent or talk. PM me if you want, and try and feel better.
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"We must accept life for what it actually is -- a challenge to our quality without which we should never know of what stuff we are made, or grow to our full stature." -Ida R. Wylie "The best way to succeed in life is to act on the advice we give to others." -Anon. There is one thing stronger than all the armies in the world, and that is an idea whose time has come. -Victor Hugo |
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#7
Mar 06, 2012, 09:15 PM
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My doc says I show signifigant signs of agoraphobia. He said he will not make the determination on the spot because it has been 3 months since I've seen him and wants to see me in another few weeks before he feels comfortable saying for sure (I am just simplifying his long-winded words). He went ahead and took me off of Risperdal because it hasn't been helping, increased Lamictal to 225mg, and left Cymbalta at 120mg. We also talked about the possibility of an addiction program because I have no structure or support in my life. He suggested a few and I am looking in to them. I really want to give myself a shot and take advantage of the program, but I am terrified of going away for 120 days and being surrounded by people. I know, I know, I have to get over this and do it... it's damn hard!
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#8
Mar 08, 2012, 03:23 AM
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#9
Mar 19, 2012, 09:10 PM
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Johnf22881-can't say what it is since I am not a dr. But I can tell you that when people get clean, they feel more (cause they are not covering up) and sometimes it seems like things are worse (again, not covering up with drugs/alcohol) It might be a good idea for you to get that extra help and support right now (tx) good for you for considering. I'm glad your reaching out via pc. Hang in there-keep reaching out and keep in touch-you've been through the worst.......it can get better
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