[redbull]

I don't know if it was my very first anxiety attack, but it happened when I was eleven and it was right after my family moved from the east coast to the west coast.

It was the second week of going to a new school, first thing in the morning before heading off to school for the day. I remember lying on the couch feeling like I was going to be sick and I couldn't breathe. It felt like an enormous weight on my chest.

It's funny how resilient kids can be too. I remember not bothering to tell my mum because I knew she wouldn't do anything about it anyways, and I kept looking at the clock telling myself to just breathe following that second hand around.

Just wondering if anyone else remembers their first anxiety/panic attack..

[Open Eyes]

Hello redbull, welcome to PC.

Hmmm, well at first when I read your question I had to think but then I didn't have to think too long. Now, I have PTSD and unfortunately for me I am now very aware when my anxiety or panic kicked in. Unfortunately in my experiencing PTSD I have encountered this thing that comes with some PTSD called Flashbacks. And I have learned from my Flashbacks that I was very young when I started to experience anxiety and panic to be honest. I was actually younger than 2 years old. I cannot quite make out what happened in that flashback but I was VERY afraid and I mostly have so far had body memories of that, so far all I can see is my crib somehow, that I was very little. And after questioning my parents about where I was at that age, I knew the house but found out at first I shared a room with my older sister. Well, she tried to kill my older brother, so god knows what she may have done to me.

Oh, I don't want to scare you. But often this problem begins much earlier then we truely remember. As children we are designed how to LEARN how to comfort ourselves and if that doesn't happen we can struggle later on, and I did.

Now we have to recognize that we ARE primates really. So some of the things that we do to help sooth us can actually be very similar to primates. Trichotilimania, well when I think of that, I instantly get a picture in my mind of primates that practice that constantly with each other and themselves. To be honest, I think most people do some kind of picking at themselves. Yes I know that people with Tric, do it more, but it is a method used to self sooth, and well, lets face it, it works.

When we grow up without the normal parental participation in learning and mastering anxiety and self soothing, we do create our own methods ourselves. I know I did, and I never really thought about it that much until I struggled with PTSD and I could not help but notice my little soothing habits. I remember when I was little I used to twist my hair constantly in my fingers. I used to do it in my sleep because I was so stressed as a child. I can remember my mother constantly struggling to comb my hair and then she finally took me to the hairdresser and my hair was cut very short. I panicked because I suddenly did not have my little method of self soothing that I so needed somehow.

As a matter of fact, I hate going to hairdressers and have always insisted on doing my own hair. And yes, when I am stressed, I still twittle it in my fingers.

Hmmm ADHD, well I can understand the video game choice. However don't give up the art, it is a good relaxation method, you can go back to it eventually. I think my daughter's boyfriend has that. He has a hard time sitting still and he owns his own business and does a lot of different things revolving around bulldozers and other machines along with all kinds of outdoor work. In the winter he plows and still does other active work. And he cannot truely sit still at the movies either unless my daughter is scratching his arm or something. Come to think about it my husband has a bit of that as well.

No matter, you are still going to be a good person, you will just be active. And that will help with the anxiety as well.

However, warning, do not get involved with drugs and alchohol. That will tax and ruin the qualities you can tap into where the ADHD will not be a problem.

Well, I guess I took the long route to answering your question redbull. I have habit of doing that.

Open Eyes

[Elli-Beth]

I remember it perfectly, down to the color of the bathroom floor I was huddled on because I thought I was going insane. I would have been 15, and I knew I was about to be removed from my home because of abuse.

[CastlesInTheAir]

There is no way I can't remember because it lasted for a month. I thought I was dieing I even remember getting pissed off one night and thinking "well if I am dieing I wish I'd just die already cause this is getting annoying". My whole left side was tingling and going numb including the left side of my lips. It felt like my face was going to fall off. I went to patient first everyday for a straight week. I had so much blood taken my arms were bruised dark black and blue. My body would go suddenly cold worse than a chill, my head would feel like it was crawling. I felt like a helpless 2 year old. I took so much Xanax that month it was ridiculous because it always wore off in four hours. It took the celexa I was on a month to start kicking in. I lost 20 pounds that month and I only weighed 115 to behind with. The first day I felt like I could eat I practically cleared out the frig! I was sore as heck from all that stress for a couple weeks after the meds kicked in.

[lancetrot]

Yes, It happened to me in my school life when i was 12. While entering school after taken leave for nearly one month due to poor health conditions. It seemed at that time a very big issue. I thought, I was way behind my syllabus. The situation was dreadful which i did not want to face more like a social anxiety. It was a beginning like going to KG. It lasted for the whole day.

[Phoboxyl]

I really want to share but I dont have time now. I will tomorrow. My first panic attack was very, very, very, bad.

[2bme]

My first one also very young. Grade 4. Had to do a oral presentation in front of the class and I flipped out. Flatly refused after that to do it again.

[redbull]

Thanks everyone for sharing!

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

. But often this problem begins much earlier then we truely remember. As children we are designed how to LEARN how to comfort ourselves and if that doesn't happen we can struggle later on, and I did.

Hi Open Eyes, what you've said here is really what I would like to find out. I agree that as kids there's coping mechanisms that are already there. What I really want to know is, where along the way did the strategies for coping get messed up for me? If there's a way to return to how I handled the situation when it first started, maybe I wouldn't be so afraid to put myself in an unknown situation. <--I hope that makes sense

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

To be honest, I think most people do some kind of picking at themselves. Yes I know that people with Tric, do it more, but it is a method used to self sooth, and well, lets face it, it works.

I honestly never considered my Tric to be a form of self soothing. But I've never talked to anyone about it, no one even knows I do it..I hide it very well. You've got me thinking about it in a totally different way now.

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

When we grow up without the normal parental participation in learning and mastering anxiety and self soothing, we do create our own methods ourselves. I know I did, and I never really thought about it that much until I struggled with PTSD and I could not help but notice my little soothing habits. I remember when I was little I used to twist my hair constantly in my fingers. I used to do it in my sleep because I was so stressed as a child. I can remember my mother constantly struggling to comb my hair and then she finally took me to the hairdresser and my hair was cut very short. I panicked because I suddenly did not have my little method of self soothing that I so needed somehow.

As a matter of fact, I hate going to hairdressers and have always insisted on doing my own hair. And yes, when I am stressed, I still twittle it in my fingers.

My mum cut my hair as well when I was six. I used to always play with my hair, put it in my mouth etc. but after she cut it I hated not being able to do that anymore. I then would pinch the short hairs and pull on them..I think maybe that was the start of the tric for me. idk.

I've had extreme anxiety for as far back as I can remember...I believe what started my decent into oblivion was when I learned I was adopted but then it was reinforced even more when I was 9 years old. I had quite a shock (trauma). My pre-teen and teenage years were horribly painful and nerve-wracking.

I remember having/showing symptoms when I was at least 9 that I was super-anxious and reacting a certain way and even more so, to stressful situations, etc. but my father ignored it and my mother was horrible to me. In fact, I had long, beautiful hair and in a fit of anger, my mother took me to the barber shop and had the man chop it all off I felt like I lost my identity.

I was able to keep it together to a point in public (although I had extreme anxiety and worry in high school and missed many days of class when I felt super anxious. I "hid" when I felt super-bad). At home, it was awful. My parents just thought I was a difficult/horrible kid. Especially my mother.

It wasn't until 2004 or so that I had my first full-blown anxiety attack (where I thought I was having a MI). I was at work, and I was too embarrassed to tell anyone I thought I was having an MI (or even feeling ill), so I drove myself to the ER. Thankfully, it wasn't a major cardiac incident, but it was terrifying. The doctor told me after doing all the tests I had an anxiety/panic attack. After that, I had them off and on for years (incapacitating and I was exhausted after) I remember one really bad one while on holiday in Southern Baja Mexico

Everything has been piling up for years to the point to where I was literally down for the count. I did not have any coping skills left that worked. The anxiety turned into agoraphobia, social anxiety, no self worth, deep depression, etc.

I found my T and discovered cPTSD. I am gaining tools and am now learning ways to cope in a healthy manner - and to surround myself with supportive, loving, non-judgmental people. We are just in the beginning stages of unraveling everything.

I hope this was helpful!

[EverythingNothing]

I didn't think I did, but it literally just popped into my head. I remember it vividly now. I was in pre-school, it was nap time I believe, and I remember being overcome with fear of the purest form.

I thought that I was suffocating. I felt as though each breath was one step closer to, in the eyes of a little boy, something very bad. It would be coined death now as I am obviously older and more informed.

But I remember being confused and terrified. I didn't know what was happening to me, I couldn't breathe, and I could barely get the attention of my teacher. Even though I was a child, I remember trying to fight it off in a sense, keep it inside.

Of course, I was picked up by my mom and was sobbing in the car. It's weird how certain memories pop up and are so vivid. I now know it was just a panic attack, plain and simple.

This is the furthest back I can remember.

[Open Eyes]

"Hi Open Eyes, what you've said here is really what I would like to find out. I agree that as kids there's coping mechanisms that are already there. What I really want to know is, where along the way did the strategies for coping get messed up for me? If there's a way to return to how I handled the situation when it first started, maybe I wouldn't be so afraid to put myself in an unknown situation. <--I hope that makes sense : quote redbull

Well, I don't really know if we can truely always identify that to be honest. And we don't necessarily have coping mechanisms that are already there. We somehow discover them on our own and parents can help us with that as well by soothing us when we are very small. Some of our coping methods are presented by our search to self sooth in troubling environments as well, for example if an older child is scaring us and a parent is not there to help us or calm us down, that is where I turned to trying to find ways to calming myself down. So there are a lot of variables to consider in the how's and whens.

" I honestly never considered my Tric to be a form of self soothing. But I've never talked to anyone about it, no one even knows I do it..I hide it very well. You've got me thinking about it in a totally different way now." quote redbull.

It is something to think about. If you go to school and really observe other students, you will see all kinds of self soothing methods they display. Some bite nails, some chew pencils, some doodle alot, some shake their leggs, some twittle their hair, some rub their foreheads, some take their fingers and message the tips with their other fingers, some scratch their heads, some rub their chins and hold their chins alot, some pull at their eyebrows and there are probably a lot more if you observe. And much of what we do is a learn as we go and often we don't even consciously think about it unless we are asked to stop doing it.

Yes, if your tric is connected to maybe pulling hair out, that could have been the start of it. We can often do things to distract us from stress and can get a bit obsessive if we are under a lot of stress. We do not like stress and we are driven to find ways to stop stress and yes we can learn to do some very strange things in the name of self soothing sometimes.

Open Eyes

[RaceAgainstMyself]

"I remember lying on the couch feeling like I was going to be sick and I couldn't breathe..."

Funny you say that, I've had emetophobia most of my life, which overlaps greatly with panic disorder (I only got those official diagnoses recently, but I think I've had them since I was little, and I've just been repeatedly misguided by medical professionals/therapists etc...)

When I was 8 I was diagnosed with GAD and put on Zoloft (half an adult starting dose, I believe 12.5mg?) I'm pretty sure this was also not long after I told the social worker (whom my parents had me start seeing in school when I was about 6 or 7) that I was "terrified of vomiting."

Guess I should've been more direct...

Anyway, just as I cannot remember when I developed such an intense fear of vomiting - I remember distinct episodes very well...as in for many of them I can even tell you how old I was and what colour I vomited and what I had eaten... LOL. But yet I can't recall a specific instance in which I went from not being so scared to being paralysed with terror... but I think it was sometime around when I was 4-5-ish.

And same thing with panic attacks. I don't know if they coincided with the onset of the phobia and that's why I can't recall a clear first...or if I was just too young to identify it or remember thinking to myself "I'm freaking out..." lol, I think it's a bit of both. But I definitely started getting worse panic/anxiety/phobic preoccupation around 7-8.... (strangely I also went through a period of a year or two of really bad headaches between 7-8 ish and 9 years old... they always made me really nauseous and in two specific cases I recall definite full-blown panic attacks because I was so close to puking.... haha and as far as getting headaches b/w 7-9 y/o and whether that is at all related to getting that GAD Dx.... may never know...