[sunangel803]

I feel like I just can't deal with my anxiety...it's like it controls me. I worry for everything, obsess over stuff that probably isn't worth obsessing over, etc. I feel like this all the freakin' time, especially if I feel someone else might get angry with me. I feel this especially with work. Here's an example: tonight I was doing a part of my job that I love. Something got miscommunicated from another dept to me. I can only go by what I am told. I get a call late tonight, questioning me about a decision I made today. I explained my reasoning, but they had already called the director to change the "mistake" I made. I don't think I did anything wrong - I was going off info I was given and my experience in this particular situation (I deal with this situation a lot). Yet, I feel anxious, questioning myself, guilty that maybe I didn't do a good enough job, fearful I might get in trouble anyway. I literally feel nauseous, shaky, and tense.

I feel horrible. This is how I feel when I might be misunderstood. My anxiety seems to be worsening. It seems like I feel like this way more and more often. I'm on antidepressant and anti-anxiety meds. I just can't handle this anymore!! I try to remember to breathe and change my thoughts (trying to base facts in thoughts instead of emotions). I feel like just giving up and just wanting to stay in bed. I'm not a quitter but this happening way too often it seems like.

Advice, suggestions...? Thanks for your help.

[lancetrot]

Anxiety is something in the mind, you can not just live with it. Pills can help for those moments of severe anxiety for some time, and then therapy is good for detecting different ways to transmit your anxiety. Ways to deflect and redirect.

Exercises are good. Something productive and not destructive. But do not over play it, like run until you are practically dying inside. That is destructive.

Music is good. Learn how to play an instrument. Art can help. Writing can be good, but then you may get anxious about people finding your writing, so it is only good for a short period.

Better talk to a therapist. Tell your parents. so you have someone to trust on later.
Good Luck

[Severijn]

Hi sunangel. When I was younger I had quite a bit of anxiety, especially social anxiety, but I know for a fact that you can do a lot about it. You might have been born with a brain that's prone to anxiety, but that doesn't mean you cannot manage it, or even overcome many of your anxieties. Especially Cognitive Behavioral Therapy works really well against anxiety. You can do this with a therapist or by yourself using self-help books.

First of all, I think it's a smart idea to begin a Journal. Inside this journal you write down your important thoughts, Distorted Beliefs, Exposure Goals, Safety Behaviors(that you do in the face of anxiety), and other important information.

In CBT therapy, there's something called Cognitive Distortions. You can also call them Limiting-Beliefs or False Beliefs. It's good to write down your personal cognitive distortions and make a list of them. This maybe is a bit confronting, but the self-knowledge you gain you can start to use to manage or overcome your anxieties about life. Through google, search for "list of cognitive distortions" and look through the list which apply to you personally.

Some of these False Beliefs can be:

1. All-or-Nothing Thinking. "I have to do things perfectly, because anything less than perfect is a failure." -- If you think this, rationally analyze this belief. No one really expects people to be perfect. Things do not have to be completed perfectly; as long as something is sufficient, it's sufficient. Try to see the many shades of gray when it comes to doing your job and about yourself.
2. Disqualifying the Positives. "Life feels like one disappointment after another." -- Also focus on the good things that have happened in your life. No doubt there are good moments. Focusing on them makes you feel better.
3. Negative Self-Labeling. "I feel like a failure. I'm flawed. If people knew the real me, they wouldn't like me." -- Because you feel like a failure, doesn't mean you are a failure. It's just a temporary feeling. And just because you have flaws doesn't mean that people will not like you. It's human to have flaws, and people that are truly trying to be perfect are often not liked, because they make other people feel inferior. To be human is to be imperfect.
4. Catastrophizing. "If something is going to happen, it'll probably be the worst case scenario." -- Often the worst case scenario is not going to happen; it's just a thought. And even if something goes wrong, there are many ways to do damage-control and keep people happy. Most of the times things go right, sometimes a little wrong, and only very occasionally something really bad happens. But even that is not the end of the world.

These are just some False Beliefs/Cognitive Distortions that can be in your mind, influencing your feelings, moods, thoughts, expectations, and subsequently your behavior. Finding your personal CDs. is a good way to begin fighting your anxiety. Once you start to realize that some false thoughts are making you anxious, the anxiety will slowly decrease.

Sometimes, just writing down your false beliefs and challenging them by thinking about them is not enough. Sometimes you have to confront your fears step by step. This is called Exposure Therapy in CBT. Exposure Therapy and Goal-Setting are very similar. It's basically Goal-Setting with the purpose of overcoming your fears and diminishing your anxieties over time. It's the recommended way to overcome your anxieties in situations. I recommend you do this together with a CBT therapist, but if you're up to it you can do it on your own.

Make a list of situations and events that trigger your anxiety. List them from the least anxiety-provoking to the most anxiety-provoking. Then begin with the easiest ones. Before you start, think if any False Beliefs will hinder you while doing something new you fear. Combining overcoming your fears with changing your false thoughts into constructive, realistic thoughts is the way to go. They go hand in hand. In between confronting your fears, take time to rest. Rest is very important so you can mentally recover and grow stronger on the inside. It's much like taking rest in between sessions of physical exercise: to get better endurance and strength you need periods of rest. It's absolutely vital.

Some really good exercises I found very useful are: Visualization, changing Self-Talk, and Relaxation Techniques.

When it comes to Visualization, it helps to have a vivid and clear imagination. But this is a mental skill you can learn. With practice, you can create more vivid, lifelike images and situations in your mind. You can even imagine yourself feeling calm and relaxed in the face of stressful situations or events. It's a good way to ready and prepare yourself for future situations. For example, see yourself doing your job very well. You get assigned many tasks and must make decisions, but you remain calm and collected. If you keep doing this for many weeks (make it a mental habit) your self-image and self-esteem can improve. When visualizing you are creating new neural connections in your brain. Many athletes, artists, and any kind of dreamers use this mental "technique". Overall, imagine and feel in your mind what you want in your life, and especially don't imagine what you don't want in life. The contents of our mind we predominantly have throughout the day tend to become real, so make it positive.

Changing your self-talk can also have a positive effect on your life. Self-talk can also be called Stream-of-Conciousness, Inner Dialogue, or Mentalese(the language of the mind. The first step is becoming aware of your thoughts, especially the negative ones. If you catch yourself thinking very negatively, ask yourself if that thought is really true? If you think "I just can't do this; I'm too anxious; I will never change" it's much better to think "Alright, I feel a bit anxious now; but I can change; in the future I will feel less anxious and even become calm". You don't have to be super ultra positive the entire day, because this is somewhat unrealistic. But having mostly positive self-talk can help you decrease anxiety in the present and in the future. If you want to know more, there are many self-help books that talk about this topic.

One final technique I found useful is an overall Body and Mind Relaxation Technique. Whenever you feel tense and anxious, first of all sit straight up, and keep your hands calmly on your lap. Then take a deep, slow breath. Move away from short shallow breaths, that increase and maintain anxiety. Tell yourself, "I will be alright; I feel some anxiety now; but I can overcome this; it's only temporary". Also, if you can, try to imagine yourself in the situation (that is presently giving you anxiety) feeling calm. Tell yourself, "This is my over-active amygdala at work here; I will find a way to calm you down!"

Lastly I want to say that it's good to know how the brain really works. The brain is plastic. It's called Neuroplasticity. Throughout your life your brain structure is constantly changing. Your braincells stay the same (about 120 billion of them) but the connections between these braincells are constantly changing, when you do something or avoid something. If you're overly anxious, your brain has made connections that keep the anxiety in place. But know that you can rewire your brain's connections and reactions to the world by using Psychology, such as CBT. It's good to know about this, otherwise it might promote a false cognitive distortion: that you are born this way and that you cannot change yourself and manage/overcome your anxiety.

I hope this helps you out and take care. If you don't want to do CBT alone, contact a good therapist. It can make a big difference.

[thickntired]

I'm sorry you are having a tough time. I would advise meditation & yoga or pilates. I take pilates 3 times a week and it has really helped a lot. Also, stay away from caffeine.

Sending peaceful thoughts your way,

TnT

Hi Sunangel, I am so sorry you are struggling with anxiety and panic right now. So glad you reached out and are here!

I am working on the same. I have been so hard on myself for so long and have such anxiety, my brain automatically goes to "scary" reactions/thinking (= major anxiety/stress). I, too, just wanted to hide out and give up. It's so hard.

I learned with my T as well as through input on PC, because it's been happening for so long, it seems brain pathways just take you to that super hard on yourself thinking. So we have to work to re-route the thinking in our brains.

One of the things I learned from my T is to identify the thoughts that are plaguing me (when I am being hard on myself), and then ask myself and write down my answer:

"what would I tell my best friend in the same situation?"

It is a little difficult at first, because of course you would be totally supportive of your friend(s) but the same for yourself? (seems impossible, right?!) But that is what we are working on (to think of ourselves and treat ourselves like we would our best pals).

After awhile, it sort of sticks, so I am able to be a little more easy on myself / compassionate with myself and not hear the painful / hurtful voices that are there.

Also, I ask myself and write down my answers to: "what is the worst that can happen? can I live through it? what is the most likely outcome?" and then write down the actual outcome, as well.

I am so in support of a healthy workout, as well, but I totally understand when you are stressed out, exhausted, miserable and depressed, a workout can seem like a major undertaking. Just walking from couch to the next room can feel like a major effort.

So in the meantime, every single time you have a distressing thought or incident, ask yourself these questions and write down your answers. Now that I am working with these tools, I am feeling my energy and motivation come back VERY SLOWLY. it doesn't happen overnight.

Also, working with a T can be so beneficial! I wish you all the best!

Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing ((hugs))