[shinyfairykitty]

For literally as long as I can remember I have felt like I wasn't meant to exist. Through my life I have met nothing but reassurances that I am not meant to exist. As a child I never felt secure. My parents divorced when I was two and I was bullied in school. I had one friend who would emotionally abuse me and I was so desperate for companionship that I put up with it.
For the first time in my life I have people who actually call themselves my friends and tell me that they love me and care about me. But after a recent trip to Europe I realized that these "friends" were really just carelessly throwing words around in hopes of maintaining "friendship" with me in order to gain social status (I'm pretty, stylish, and charismatic). I came back to America incredibly depressed by what seems to be a new reminder that I shouldn't exist. I just feel like the way I view the world and the way I view friendship is so much different from these people. The only time I really feel comfortable is when I'm alone. When I'm around people for too long I have these bizarrely intense feelings of loneliness and I have to leave and be by myself at which point I generally cry for a while.
I just I just feel very nervous about like my place in the world, if that makes sense? I have tried talking to multiple therapists and psychologists about this but they just don't really seem to understand what I'm saying.

[jerrymichele]

Why do you think they really do not mean those words?
Sometimes one can assume things and it is not true.

[Miswimmy1]

You may just be a very introverted type- who is more at ease being alone..?

I would continue trying to reach out to therapists. U just haven't found one that "clicked" it sounds like to me. Hang in there! I thought no one would ever understand me for the longest time. And finally, I found the most AMAZING therapist.

[Mindinpieces]

Originally Posted by shinyfairykitty

For literally as long as I can remember I have felt like I wasn't meant to exist. Through my life I have met nothing but reassurances that I am not meant to exist. As a child I never felt secure. My parents divorced when I was two and I was bullied in school. I had one friend who would emotionally abuse me and I was so desperate for companionship that I put up with it.
For the first time in my life I have people who actually call themselves my friends and tell me that they love me and care about me. But after a recent trip to Europe I realized that these "friends" were really just carelessly throwing words around in hopes of maintaining "friendship" with me in order to gain social status (I'm pretty, stylish, and charismatic). I came back to America incredibly depressed by what seems to be a new reminder that I shouldn't exist. I just feel like the way I view the world and the way I view friendship is so much different from these people. The only time I really feel comfortable is when I'm alone. When I'm around people for too long I have these bizarrely intense feelings of loneliness and I have to leave and be by myself at which point I generally cry for a while.
I just I just feel very nervous about like my place in the world, if that makes sense? I have tried talking to multiple therapists and psychologists about this but they just don't really seem to understand what I'm saying.

Hi and Welcome to PC,
Thank you for posting this although you may wonder why an earth someone would thank you for sharing such personal emotions and feelings on here and, by the way please don't take me the wrong way here, this is the first time I have seen a person with similar thoughts and feelings to myself, this is why I thanked you for posting this. I am sorry that you as well feel in such a similar way. For me it's like no matter what I do, I will always be in a person way or I get the feeling things would have gone better if I wasn't there influencing the situation, this then lead to extreme self-belief I shouldn’t be there/here or exists and I still very much feel this way. I myself never had many friends and those friendships I did have in the past were forceful friends mostly from school which I am glad I have lost all contact with. I can say the only true friend I have now is my cat and believe my when I say this friendship is a lot better than any other friendship I have had with other humans and that is saying something. I am sorry I can’t give you any words of advice or help and I am still looking for the answers and ways of getting past such a notion of just existing in the first place. I am sorry as well if knowing you’re not the only one that feels this way isn’t much help for you either. However I do feel for you and I will be wishing you all the best. Just one last note try to hold in there with yourself and allow yourself to let out some of your feelings on PC you may be surprised at what wonders and insights from other members here can help a bit but only do this when you feel ready to open up. Wish all the best

[HappiestGirl]

My sister asked me this question and I told her I didn't know what to say. But now I wish I could have told her as much bad things and evil people out there there is still beauty in humanity. it's no coincidence that nature actually has order, seasons and laws even though it's considered wild. We are all linked in the universe by the same atoms! Every interaction you have made some impression whether you agree with it or not. You=Matter. Try volunteering for a cause you believe in and you'll find better friends and feel good.

[Piraeus]

I know what it is like to question your exsistence. I felt this way last night.
I have paranoid schizophrenia, and I see shadow people and hear strange voices all the time. My mom is my only support system, and last night she said she thinks I do some things just for attention. Which is so untrue.
I have symptoms all the time, and I thought my mom understood, but I guess not. So I started questioning my existence. I have no friends. I love my daughter, so she is the only reason I exist.

I had friends when I was young, but they were bullies. I'm just glad they are not friends now.I hope you can find a reason to exist. You are special and unique in this world. There must be some reason to exist. Listen to your heart.

Piraeus

[johnnmack102]

Its not typical to know about existence of something but sometimes it seems to.

1 of my latest anxieties is that if i keep living, i'll never amount to anything.

it haunts my brain every second

[BLUEDOVE]

Hi Shiny,
I do identify with you.I felt like
that all my life until a couple of years ago.
What it is,is never being validated when we
were children.This can go so far as to feel
INVISIBLE,from not being recognized as
being there at all when a child.When I tried
to speak sometimes,I was told:"Shut your
f---ing mouth!" But there are many ways
to be invalidated that would result in not
feeling you have a RIGHT here. I would be
very hesitant going into stores that I thought would be upmarket (oh,that's for
the rich people not the likes of me),so much so I would be watched because they
thought I may be a shoplifter! It ALL stemmed from that feeling of being "LESS
THAN." I'm much better than I was as I
started to read up on SELF-ESTEEM and
ASSERTIVENESS which was an enormous
help.
So please look back into your child-
hood to see where you could have been
invalidated in ANY way. And here is a book that will re-educate you regarding
self-esteem:"THE SIX PILLARS OF SELF-
ESTEEM" by Nathaniel Branden.Do get it,
it helped change my life.
Respect+Kindness,
BLUEDOVE