[sujunew]

I'm panicing. I don't want to take any of my meds incase I get too sleepy. I am SO scared of going to bed tonite. I am used to having terrible dreams which include ppl and situations that I know and am either dealing with or have had to deal with but last nite in particular it was worse than ever. It's not being helped by a cough I can't shake, which I am now thinking is stress-asthma (I only suffer from asthma probs about 1x a year usually). I have never had a proper asthma attack but last nite I spent most of the 6 hours I was in bed coughing, and when I did doze I had these awful nightmares. With my mood going lower and lower I keep thinking I mite be commited to hospital (I have never had to be yet), but when I saw my pdoc on monday my biggest fear then was that she might suggest another course of ECT. She did list that as an option and I think that now she has openly said that it may be an option now my mind is going to the next worst-case senario. In the dreams I was forced to stay in the wawrd but I kept escaping. The 1st time no-one really cared but the 2nd time I was punished- I had a 24hr watch and I can't remember the rest. There was so much more going on as well, like being at the grocery store while I was meant to be under the 24hr watch and losing the 'guard', walking down unlit streets at nite when I escaped just searching for what seemed 'right'- I don't even know what that is, maybe an answer to this all?? I am so confused (duh, as if reading this isn't obvious enuf!) and I am just tooscared to go back to bed and face another nite of horrible...nightmares- I mean, they are not really dreams are they? I had another coughing fit this afternoon, which lasted 1 1/2hrs, and then as I started to write this it started again. That's why I'm thinking stress related, especially the more panicy I get. My head is total confusion and mayhem at the mo. I can't think clearly- all I can think about is how am I going to get through the next 11 hours until I have to get no2 ready for daycare? I can't afford to keep losing sleep- that is making things worse and I am having trouble getting through the day becoz I am so tired. Even worse the house is a total tip, altho while typing that it will give me something to do while I contemplate NOT going to bed. I don't know. I just needed to get all that out of my head. It won't help me either if I keep avoid taking my meds- that will mess me up even worse. Argggggghhhhhhhhhh.....

[Kellarella]

Hi Irish,

A couple of things that are happening to you, happen to me. Before I started having anxiety, I didn't really dream much, never have really. But since having anxiety, I have really really vivid dreams and nightmares. I have come to realise that my dreams are about things that I have been anxious about during the day and often about some of the crazy thoughts I have during the day. The dreams are always extremely exaggerated and vivid.
For example, My mum has been having a really hard time over me, she is more stressed than me about me! She went to the Dr and has been told she has dangerously high blood pressure. She told me this the other night on the phone and I became really anxious about it. That night, I had the most scary, upsetting dream that she had a heart attack and that people were telling me it was my fault for all the stress I put on her. I woke up crying and was really really upset.

I have also had some really scary nightmares about ghosts and people being posessed by ghosts etc.

I also am scared to go to bed sometimes because I don't want to have these dreams, they are so real and scary.

My psychiatrist told me that it is totally normal with anxiety to have really vivid dreams etc. I am not sure whether u suffer anxiety, but apparently it is just the thoughts and emotions experienced during the day that come out in dreams, and they are always exaggerated and way more real. So in that way, I know it doesn't make it easier, but it is totally normal, don't be scared, it is just your brain processing what has happened during the day etc, It can help with the recovery process.

I was taking Valium before bed for a while, and I don't think I had any dreams that I can remember. Not sure if you wanted to try that option?

I also listen to relaxation cd's in bed, they can really clear your mind and put you to sleep. It seems that if u go to bed stressed, u sleep stressed. So maybe a calming relaxation cd could help you, does me.

In regards to the coughing... When I am anxious, I dry-rech (don't know how to spell it!) a lot, like I am going to vomit, and I cough a lot. I think maybe it could be stress related. I just have a drink as soon as I start coughing, simple but it usually works. I get really bad and almost vomit, lol... I find that deep breathing and calming myself down works too.

Hope it all gets better for you!

Take Care

Kel

[sujunew]

Thanks Kel. These 'real' dreams are nothing new, but you have explained to me really well about them, and made it really clear 'why' they happen- as much as anyone can say 'why'! My pdoc won't put me on any other medication- my nurse is having a talk with her today but we both know the the doc won't do anything! I will have to try and find a music player to put in my room- I have the music but only the stereo in the lounge... I'm sure that I can find a cd player somewhere in the house- I am pretty sure I have one around! Last night was slightly better- I did end up working myself up so much that I had to phone our emergency mental health team and the lady on the phone gave me the same tips you did to relax and sort myself out so even though I didn't get much sleep (I still avoided going to bed til really late!!) it was a more settled sleep. Thanks for your help- and I can really identify with the coughing and dry-retching...poor bubs looks at me in quite a concerned way when I am having an 'attack'!!!