[lenjan]

Aw, mannn...

Today's mail had a huge package for me from Mayo. I couldn't imagine what it was.

Well, what it was was my 100-page chart from Froedtert (one of the hospitals I was in for my aplastic anemia last winter), that I asked them to send to the hematologist here in mid-April. It just showed up. Mayo is paperless, so he looked it over and sent it back to me.

So I looked through it, what the hell.And I just had to take a couple of Xanax to chill. Good grief. I know I was pretty out of it, as evidenced by the 3 solid pages of blood and platelet transfusions noted -- I knew I got a bunch toward the end there, but I sure don't remember 3 pages' worth! So maybe I was too out of it for them to bother to mention it, but I would liked to have known, I think, that I was that close to kicking off. You can't imagine some of these test results. At one point, I had 2,000 platelets. Normal is 150,000 to 450,000. They did a bone marrow biopsy and found NINE CELLS to work with.

Man. Scary *****.

I did get a giggle out of the one dr.'s dictated report that said on admission to Froedtert, I had "flat affect" and "looked grossly depressed," LOL. GO FIGURE, DINGBAT! Geeeeeeeze!!!

This has really knocked me for a loop. It's different to hear it from people than it is to see it in all its black-and-white glory on a piece of paper.

I guess the way to counteract it is to go pick up the results of my tests from last week that I haven't asked for yet! LOL I'm much better now, but scared of it coming back when I finish the meds at the end of August. REALLY scared, now that I know what is probably too much!



Candy

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Candy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Yes! It IS different to hear people tell it and then to see it in black and white!

You bet you'd better ask for a copy of your last platelette count! You'll see how far you've come!!

Maybe you should take up smoking! LOL My dr told me I had TOO MANY blood cells! She said it's because the normal count isn't enough to carry the oxygen to different part of my body. Nah... don't! It's a sign of too much carbon dioxide in my body. You'd be traiding one ill for another.

Is there a diet you can follow to keep up the cell count? Talk to your dr now and ask what you need to do to keep it up. I know you weren't eating right last year.

[lenjan]

Gee, 55 views and 1 response. Aren't we "supportive" here!

But it's OK -- I'm working on it with people who care.

[(JD)]

Sorry candybear.. I wasn't one who read and didn't reply...just saw it my bad.

I think we all knew how you were, DocJohn posted and we were all praying for you here. I think you mentioned the levels in another post, but maybe it didn't really hit home till now?

I agree with sept... work on taking good care of yourself now...and hopefully you can prevent becoming so ill.

yeah one of the ways my T supports me is to remind me that people with chronic pain have a REASON to be depressed

[Evangelista]

Wow Candybear..I am glad that you are doing better..I hope..I am anemic myself..and the thought of even one bag of blood makes me feel..well yuck..I hope you did not suffer any reactions during the process, and I am glad they helped you..but 3 pages of transfuson documentation..man..you were about bone dry in the platlet department...clinician documentation can be well rather interesting to say the least...sometimes they draw pictures too..sorry that the medical record thru you Candybear..but glad your around to read them!!!

[lenjan]

<weak smile> thank you, Evangelista and Sky ... but I can't express well enough, apparently, how this is messing me up ... anyone want to offer some help with the rampaging anxiety? It really is entirely different to see it in black and white. It's like looking at a newly established gravestone -- for me, seeing that is what makes it real -- until then, I can always try the denial route.

[PasDeDeux]

I am sorry you are in so much pain, I wish I knew how to help but I don't to be honest. To me it sounds like PTSD I mean you did almost die. That was triggered by the report. I think you have a good idea in looking at the newest reports from your tests but still

[(JD)]

I agree, it was/is traumatic! Give yourself some time to adjust to reality... yeah reality often gets me too! ((((hugs)))

[Evangelista]

((Candybear))..I received a copy of medical records for a trauma stay that occurred almost 20 years ago about a month ago....I reacted..there is something about reading it that caused me to be overwhelmed..so I do hope you are feeling better with it today...you are in my thoughts..and I am sorry you have been struggling with it...take care Candybear!!

[desirae]

I'm glad you surpassed that, and besides the anxiety, am ultimately doing well. I bet that was scary to look back on, but hey your home now. I hope you feel better soon.

[radio_flyer]

((((((((((((((((( candybear ))))))))))))))))

[(JD)]

Can you talk to your doctor about how long you wait after the meds are done...before you begin worrying too much. (well, some might say any worry is too much.. )

Can you calm yourself now, because you do have meds to keep you healthier for now... ?

[wisewoman]

Hey there girl, just wanted to let you know that I did understand how ill you were. Also that I too am way sensitive to the statements by my care providers. I feel judged so easily. Flat affect! Let's see, I go to the ER and need help breathing, you think I am gonna act like throwing a party? Nope, conserving every breath. Take care.

[lenjan]

{{{{{{{{{{ww}}}}}}}}}}} and {{{{{{{{{{{{{everyone -- I don't like to name names in case I miss someone!}}}}}}}}}}}}

The thing of it is, *I* didn't know how sick I was. They didn't start giving me numbers till my platelets hit the upper 20s to low 30s. They told everybody ELSE who came near me how sick I was, but to look through these records and discover there were many days I wasn't even in double digits -- that was both scary and maddening.

I do have meds for now, and I will ask how long I should wait to get tested again once I'm done with the immunosuppressant. And supposedly if it returns, I'll know sooner, having been through it once, but I didn't know the first time either -- I was exhausted all the time, but I was also working insane hours and just chalked it up to that. I hadn't had any of the "classic" symptoms.

I dunno. It's all too scary. I'm doing better today, thank you. I appreciate everyone who's taken the time to try to help me feel better.



Candy

[(JD)]

((())))

[bebop]

(((candy)))) reading medical reports is very hmmm eyeopening? I just got mine for the last year and a half and wondered why didn't my dr tell ME this stuff....all involved knew it but me!! I am so glad you are doing better and agree to find out if diet helps after the medication is stopped. Good luck hon

[EJ711]

Candybear,

I understand.

Sorry today was such an overwhelming day.

Hugs,

EJ