[AngelwithOCD]

I quit smoking today. Great, right? No. I only made it five hours. I picked the wrong day to try to quit. I had to clean out the refrigerator today, and when I was cleaning the bottom tray out I got some water on the counter. There were two boxes of Cheerios and two bags of chips and a few other things sitting on the counter. Most normal people would have just moved everything off of the counter and cleaned up the water, but not me....I have OCD....so, I had to wash my hands three times and dry them (they were icky from cleaning out the fridge) before I could move everything from the counter to avoid contaminating it. When I finally got my hands washed, I knoched everything off of the counter.................................
And
right
into
the
wastebasket!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ican't make a basket trying to throw something away, so why can I do it when I don't want to!!!!!!!!

So what do I do?? I'm running around the house screaming like a madwoman (I completely flew off the handle)....Crying and screaming and the like....and when m throat started to hurt I decided that for my nerves and my blood pressure's sake I'd better go buy a pack of cigarettes and try to quit agian tomorrow. Like me smoking is going to help anything!

So now I feel like a complete idiot (even though no one saw/heard me) for running around the house screaming and crying , and I feel like a failure for smoking again.

Sometimes I hate myself, or rather hate that I have OCD. I HATE OCD!!! Sometimes I SUCK!

Thanks for reading this, sorry I needed to vent.

Take Care,
Angel who is no "angel"

[shearmaniac]

You are not an idiot nor should you feel so bad.Firstly, smoking is a terrible habit to stop. It`s really hard & the majority of people have to try many times before actually succeeding. You had a bad day, nothing was going right & if you flew off the handle ...well tomorrow is another day. We are all human.HUGS

[AngelwithOCD]

Shearmaniac,

Thank you for your support. The best thing about tomorrow is a chance to try again. I really appreciate your support.

Hugs,
Angel

Hi Angel,
I've had lots and lots of episodes of acting like a screaming idiot and I don't have OCD.
Life can really get under your skin sometimes and it's always the little things that seem to push me over the edge. There's probably a lot more going on within your life that you're stressed out about. Getting really upset over the cheerios and everything falling into the trash was probably the straw that broke the camels back.
(((((AngelwithOCD))))) It's okay. We've all been there.

By the way-I've been trying to quit smoking for awhile now. I do the same thing. One little stress trigger and I'm upstairs breaking out the emergency stash to cope.
We got to fail a few times before we succeed. Keep on trying. I know how bad those nicotine urges can be. PM me if you need to release and share. I'll understand.

[Maven]

I'm keeping this short, because I have to get to bed soon, but I want to let you know I understand, Angel. I have OCD, too, and have those details that don't affect other people's lives that make ours hell. You can't do this because you have to do this first, and you have to do that before you can do this, and then you have to wash your hands, and you have to do it for each time...I so understand that, hon!

My addiction isn't smoking, it's eating. Especially sugar, but not just sugar. I need to get control, and I'm scared I'm going to have a heart attack or a stroke, and I worry about my health all the time.

And I've had those screaming fits. I just start ranting in anger and frustration to myself or God or whoever's listening. Usually, I'm putting myself down. "I should have known this would happen, but no, I'm so stupid and I always do this. I'm just pathetic, and I'm a burden on everyone else, and I don't know why I keep doing these things..." And tears will be streaming down my face.

I'm sorry that happened to you. I'll tell you more later, or maybe I'll PM you. Just wanted to let you know I understand.