[justmom]

I just joined today but I have been reading for a few days. I posted in the new member forum but thought I would come over here and share a bit.
I've had anxiety issues, depression and agoraphobia for a long time. It has progressively gotten worse and pretty much hit crisis mode a couple of weeks ago. (I didn't try to harm myself - I'm afraid of failure) Anyway - my hubby suggested I see someone and arranged it though his company's EAP program. They allow 3 sessions free and my last session is tomorrow, though last time I saw my T she said she was going to advocate for more. I don't see how we can possibly pay for the sessions if the insurance will not keep paying. I have been unemployed since we moved to a new town 3 years ago. (I wokred part time in a small shop before moving) This has not helped my situation as I have no friends here. The above stated issues, along with lack of education or skills are part of the reason I haven't looked for work until now. (and now it has become a neccessity which is causing all my issues to scream)
Anyway - back to the subject at hand. I can't make my brain shut up. I've tried deep breathing, I've tried walking, I've tried any number of distractions but I just can't make the voice in my head stop talking. (I guess I should be glad there is just one voice?)

[healed84]

I have found that a number of things have worked in conjunction to help alleviate my anxiety. Thearpy once a week (some Ts do sliding scales for payment, you should be able to work things out), meds, excersizing pretty conistently, muscle relaxing, and talking to my T when times get bad.

[whatbeanbelieved]

What is the voice saying? Can you write it down and let it have its say (without believing everything it says, because it's basically the scared part of you saying mean things, I imagine)? Meditation helps me a lot, but without allowing the voices in my head to have their say, they come back.

[Indie'sOK]

I know exactly what you're talking about. I have issues with sensory overstimulation, and too much loud noise or bright light really saps my energy. Thought it might seem counterproductive, I listen to music to help clear my mind and calm my senses. Anything from classical to Rush really helps! I also download sound clips from Youtube and convert them to mp3s so I can listen to them on my iPod. My favorite is a 30 minute clip of a rainstorm. I can send you a link to the video on Youtube if you're interested.

Hope this helps

[SoupDragon]

Meditation has helped me too, alongside seeing my T - but has taken me a long time to start to get there. I do think I wouldn't have achieved my current head space without seeing my T.

[justmom]

The voice keeps reminding me what a loser I am and how badly I have screwed up my life. I have tried all kinds of distractions but the voice is LOUD and seems to dominate no matter what I try.
I've been writing some of it down. I have only had two sessions with my T - today is the last one unless she can get the insurance to agree to more (I told her to beg if she had to!)
We talked about positive self-talk last session - I understand the concept, but I am not able to put it into practice yet.

[irishpackerfan]

I know its hard to think postive when your going into anexity trust me I know I know. But the best way to beat an anexity attack is to not have it. See what leads to anexity is the process of negative thoughts swirling together to make one giant butt****. When you have a negative thought like OMG i look ugly etc. Counter it with a postive thought. Like instead of OMG i look ugly think Im going to as beautiful as i can. Or instead of im fat say im going to get in the best shape of my life. Its hard to be postive but once you get it its hard to turn off.

[justmom]

I appreciate the thought, irishpackerfan. Problem is is that I am so deep into the anxiety at the moment that I can't get out! I want so badly to just clear my mind and start over.

[Perna]

Hi, justmom. I like the saying on the cloth carry bag I once had, "If you are being run out of town, get in front and make it look like a parade."

If you can't get the voice(s) to shut up; listen and talk back to them My voices never said anything very intelligent, "You're so dumb" is a dumb thing to say? "Oh, yeah? How would you know I'm dumb if you're inside my head and thus part of me? I at least have this great body to walk around in and see the outside of the world and think dumb thoughts like you with!" should pretty much quiet that one? Out talk it with self help and self esteem talk. Get to know yourself, ask the voice why it thinks you are dumb, why it is saying mean things, why it is worried about the future when it's not the future yet, why that person over there who doesn't know you would have the time or take the effort to "hate" you or object to what you are doing?

Two can play that game and your ability to think about good things to say and ways to out counter the bad thoughts is greater than your unconscious' ability to "think". It can just complain and make up generic, "Don't do that, it's dangerous/you're too stupid/you won't like it" sorts of thoughts that aren't very specific. If you ask them to elaborate or give examples; most of what they have to say falls short of being able to.

Eventually, you don't have to "clear" your mind, it doesn't bother with the negative stuff anymore because you have increased experience and self esteem so the negatives don't bother to bother you

[muncie]

Originally Posted by justmom

We talked about positive self-talk last session - I understand the concept, but I am not able to put it into practice yet.

justmom, don't mean to be nosey, but are you a mom? If you are, you have accomplished so much and should be so proud of yourself. I never had children and feel I missed out on so much. Loving & giving is Life at its fullest.

I know there are real issues you're dealing with, and you're doing right by getting help now. I agree with the poster than there are ways T's can arrange for payment if they feel the patient is very sincere in wanting help. I wish you the best of luck, these issues take work and if you're willing to work at it you will succeed, I just know it

[justmom]

muncie,
Yes, I am a mom! I have 3 grown sons who I am very proud of. They are my one great accomplishment! Two of them live about 4 hours away from us and my baby (who is almost 26) lives in another state. I haven't seen him in a year.
I know that part of the reason these issues have surfaced (they have been there, somewhat hidden, for a LONG time) is that I feel like my 'job' (mom) has ended. Knowing it doesn't make it any easier.

Thanks for your kind comments.

[muncie]

Originally Posted by justmom

muncie,
I know that part of the reason these issues have surfaced (they have been there, somewhat hidden, for a LONG time) is that I feel like my 'job' (mom) has ended. Knowing it doesn't make it any easier.

Bless you, you've achieved so much; I worked over 40 yrs., at 4 different jobs and what do I have to show for it, a small pension.

But yes, life goes on and you've entered a new life chapter, and are doing all the right things to get back on track. It can be very stressful looking for work especially in this economy. And you do need a certain amount of confidence (or at least a show of it). Once I rented a video on "how to interview well" just before my interview, and was sure it had a lot to do with getting the job, put me in the right frame of mind.

Good luck to you, and if you ever need a friend to talk, just drop by my profile page, I'm around most days.

[justmom]

Thank you, muncie.
I've looked at any number of things on interviewing - I suck at all their suggestions. I go completely blank at the first question. I'm totally shocked I even got a call back for the sales job and I can't begin to tell you how terrified I am. They were supposed to call and tell me when to show up for training (suggesting that it would probably start today) but I haven't heard anything so now I am going to have to call them - and I hate making phone calls.
I'm really, really NOT having a good day.

[muncie]

Originally Posted by justmom

Thank you, muncie.
They were supposed to call and tell me when to show up for training (suggesting that it would probably start today) but I haven't heard anything so now I am going to have to call them - and I hate making phone calls.

Oh I think that's good news , glad you're calling back; I so hope you get the job. Please let me know. I think we make a better impression then we think we do, because afterwards we go over everything that was said and how we could have done better. If you can raise up 3 wonderful sons, this job will be a knock off.....

[justmom]

I did get the job, just not sure I can do it.

[muncie]

Originally Posted by justmom

I did get the job, just not sure I can do it.

Congratulations justmom, oh yes u can, oh yes u can. The learning process usually sucks, but when you "get it"; confidence will be yours my dear...

[truitt661]

Listen to music have helped me out a lot and meditation. You should try meditation when you have times to yourself. When I first started doing it I felt a little stupid and uncomfortable but once you get use to it you will actually see how good it works.

[justmom]

Originally Posted by truitt661

Listen to music have helped me out a lot and meditation. You should try meditation when you have times to yourself. When I first started doing it I felt a little stupid and uncomfortable but once you get use to it you will actually see how good it works.

I guess I just don't know 'how' to meditate. No matter what I try, I can't make my brain shut up.

[muncie]

Originally Posted by justmom

I guess I just don't know 'how' to meditate. No matter what I try, I can't make my brain shut up.

A couple suggestions justmom. Years ago I took a yoga class, and she said picture in your mind a blank, white screen. You know the kind they used to show home movies on. Also, fix your gaze on an object in the room, and hold steady. Light a candle a few feet away & focus. Just a few suggestions, I do know it takes practice it doesn't come naturally. Good luck

[justmom]

thanks, muncie. I'll figure it out sooner or later. way too much going on in my brain at the moment!

[justmom]

as a side note - I quit the original job before I ever started because I got another offer. this one is much better suited to me but there is still so much to learn. I started today - 5 hours and I am beat both mentally and physcially! my poorbrain may never shut up!

[muncie]

Originally Posted by justmom

as a side note - I quit the original job before I ever started because I got another offer. this one is much better suited to me but there is still so much to learn. I started today - 5 hours and I am beat both mentally and physcially! my poorbrain may never shut up!

Wow, for someone that had no confidence, you're getting one job offer after another, lol. New job training is stressful for everyone, usually lasts up to 2 weeks before it starts to click in. I wish you much luck and success in your new job

[justmom]

Day two - more stressful than day one.
If I can't handle this one, I'm pretty much sunk.
Thanks for the good wishes though.

[muncie]

Originally Posted by justmom

Day two - more stressful than day one.
If I can't handle this one, I'm pretty much sunk.
Thanks for the good wishes though.

Too soon justmom, you've only started, you will be okay

[halmat]

Justmom - hello. I recovered from agoraphobia and am writing a book about it. If you can't continue w/therapy where you were, call your community Mental Health Center to see if they have a sliding fee arrangement. Reading everything you can on the subject will help you overcome what is essentially our minds playing tricks on us. You can learn to change your thought patterns and totally overcome agoraphobia. You could ask your present therapist if she would be interested in starting a group for people with panic attacks and agoraphobia. If she can't call other therapy businesses to inquire. I started several peer support groups over the years which were very beneficial. If that interests you I can send details. If there's a college in your town that offers counseling degrees, you might get good, fresh cheap therapy there. Stop yourself several times a day to check for negative thinking and then change direction. You can do this. Best wishes. Hal