[Virus]

Thanks to my ****ing stupid little fear of tornados, I threw a stupid tantrum and spammed my poor girlfriend with my ******* BS freaking out over some sirens and the fact that I have to be in the basement thanks to the tornado floating around. It's probably not even going to touch us but here I am sweating and crying and shaking like the animal I am. Like every time I throw this stupid little fit, I am currently experiencing self pity shame so severe it makes me want to beat/cut/bite myself and I will no longer allow myself to harass my girlfriend.

This happened just ****ing YESTERDAY too. I had to have an exam on certain reproductive parts and ended up sobbing hysterically when the doctor looked at and touched me and shaking like a kicked infant for a stupidly long period of time.

This is unacceptable, immature, shameful, and downright disgusting, but I really don't know how to stop. I just want to act like a civilized human and not the whiny little freak I am now. Short of suicide I'm not sure how I can be a better person and learn to shut up and act normal.

[winter4me]

You don't sound all that bad. Just afraid, anxious, and very hard on yourself. Give yourself a hug. What do you have for support? What are your options? A tornado is a frightening event. If you aren't alive, there is no chance of growth. And I for one HATE physical exams and avoid them as much as possible. I medicate beforehand. But really, hugs to you and give yourself a break. You deserve it. Meantime, if you need to talk and rant and be comforted why not try a help line? It is what it is there for and the other person is not someone you have to face at any time. Who cares what they think? What they think, really, is "How can I help?", and later "Did I do OK?"

[spondiferous]

Virus, I agree with winter...you are very hard on yourself. Your reactions to these things does not make you whiny, stupid, disgusting, or a freak. But if you want to learn better coping skills that's okay too. In my experience though it's really hard to change stuff that we hold onto (positive or negative), especially stuff about ourselves. And as long as you're living in shame it's going to be really difficult to let go of your fears and the way you react to them.
Are you willing to accept the idea that your fears do not make you a bad person? Or at least consider the possibility of one day maybe being open to it?