[Doug1000]

Hello

I have a job that requires me to travel a lot. A few days before every trip I start getting depressed. I just sit around the house and think about my kids and how heartbroken they would be if something happened to me. (I'm not a fearful flyer.) The day I leave I am grief stricken and teary eyed as I leave the house whether my family is home or not. I am miserable the whole trip, with the plane ride away being the worst part, many times these are all day trips to Asia. WHen I arrive at my destination I am lonely and anxious, and every once in a while suffer from a panic attack, usually at night when I'm trying to fall asleep. All this time all I'm thinking about is my kids. I can't sleep, which is a result of jet lag and anxiety/panic. I have been prescribed .5mg ativan, which helps me get about 6 hours of sleep per night. Lately I've started to feel this way when I simply leave for work. I don't know if I'm getting these overly protective feelings for my kids, or what is the cause of this. I miss my wife as well but it's my kids that are constantly on my mind. This started a few years ago and is progressively getting worse.

I also have these irrational thoughts about people at my destination and that there could be some that are out to get me, not me specifically I guess, just danger in general. In the moment I am fine, but thinking about the trip this weighs on me a bit.

I don;t feel crazy, but I'm starting to think I am. It;s getting tot he point that this is ruling my life and Ive noticed myself getting depressed for a few days here and there.

I could really use some advice here.

Thanks

[CloudyDay99]

Hi Doug,
Some ideas to think about:
1. First of all, I would have found a traveling Dad growing up to be rather exciting. It would have been neat for him to tell me about the places he went and why he was going. We could have looked the locations up on a map and studied about the history. He could call me or text me during his trip with information on neat things he thought I would like which would bring us closer together.
2. Try dealing with your anxiety issues more. Maybe your doctor could recommend something. I would also suggest meditation, mindfulness training, and journaling.
3. Would you be able to travel less or get a different position? Maybe the anxiety is partly due to burn-out.

I hope things get better for you and your family.

[spondiferous]

Hi Doug...I see that this is possibly the only post you've made here and hopefully you return if you need the support. It sounds to me like your anxiety is developing into a possible phobia or disorder. It's not the end of the world (in theory, even though it feels like it is and is certainly messing with your life) but I think that you should definitely talk to a doctor about this if you haven't yet. It sounds like you must be seeing someone who is prescribing you meds but I would make it very clear the extent to which this is affecting you and exactly what kinds of thoughts and feelings you are experiencing. Because it sounds like it's getting worse and that's not a good sign (not trying to worry you; just my experience).
If you do happen to check back in it would be nice to hear from you and how things are going. Hope you are well.