[Dezdemona]

I find it emotionally difficult to read books (fiction AND non) with gay/lesbian themes. They make me anxious. Like I'm just waiting for something bad (gay bashing, or any of the more subtle types of homophobia) to happen. I just feel so anxious that I just can't do it.

For those who do not know, I'm a lesbian. Been out since April last year. I'm not homophobic. Maybe I do have some internalized homophobia, but it does not affect how I feel about myself.

I love reading. When I read, I like to enjoy myself, not get all in a tizzy because a homosexual character is trying to explain something to an ignoramous. I feel like this isnt healthy. I want to be able to read this stuff. It's my world now.

I'm just terrified, I guess. Thats all.

I think it is a natural reaction insomuch that homosexuality is not really accepted. More generally though, being different in whatever shape or form from the norm (e.g. colour, sexual orientation, religion, whatever) is viewed with 'suspicion'... Thus, being a minority so to speak is scary.

Hopefully, things are changing for the better and geared towards better acceptance levels (in terms of society/individuals etc).

Maybe you just need time to adjust if that makes sense. Don't be too hard on yourself...

[Dezdemona]

Thanks, Always. I hope too that things are changing for the better.

((((Dez))))
I hope nobody ever hurts you or any of your friends for being gay. I wish there was never any gay bashing but that would be unrealistic.