[excelsior]

Hi all,

I don't have an anxiety disorder as such, I have bipolar disorder -- but I hope nobody minds me posting here as it's anxiety related.

In 2009, I had a relationship end on me pretty harshly. The woman (who had professed to love me deeply) ignored me for six weeks very suddenly. She then changed her relationship status, and started posting right that night on Facebook about sleeping with someone and her crush on someone else. Ouch. Round about that time, I had lot of anxiety.

I bounced back fairly quickly though and started seeing my recent ex. We dated for 2.5 years. They were pretty disastrous, on reflection, and the last 1.5 years were long distance. There were a few attempted breakups on both sides but my recent ex knew about how the ex described above treated me, and said she would never do that.

Except recently, she did. Exactly the same! She faded out of my life during a 2.5 month period, at a time my bipolar was bad depression wise and I really needed her, and last week we finally had the breakup talk... prompted by me because I couldn't stand it any more.

I don't know whether it was because it was a direct reminder of a very anxious time in my life or whether it was because another woman had treated me not the greatest in a way she promised not to, but during those 2.5 months and since I have been waking up every morning with the most awful anxiety.

I've lost 10lbs in that time period despite bipolar meds and I'll retch every morning and have a racing heart. I sometimes have to lie there for 1-2 hours calming myself down. Anxiety medication helps somewhat but only a little. I thought it would go away after the breakup but it hasn't.

I'm not due to see my doctor for another 2 weeks where I'll seek further advice on this so I'm wondering if anybody could please give me any tips for controlling this in the meantime? Is my body stuck in fight or flight mode? If so, how do I get it out of it? I would be ever so grateful for any help.

Edited to say: I should also mention that during the breakup talk, I asked my ex to please not mention if in the future she had something with somebody else, as I didn't want to know. She said "I'm keeping my mouth shut", which sounded a bit too present tense like she already is as opposed to "I'll keep my mouth shut when I do", but maybe I'm reading too much into that. This hasn't helped with the anxiety at all.

[Little Lulu]

I am sorry to hear you are experiencing such anxiety. I was in your place many years ago and mornings were my worst time. I, too, felt like I was experiencing a continuous surge of adrenaline and I probably was. It was emotionally and physically painful to be that anxious.

Even though you feel like the anxiety med isn't helping much, be sure to take it. If you aren't in counseling, that is a good option. Staying in my head with no one to talk to about my issues has never been good for me. Talking helps me. I also lean a little on a few trusted friends when my mood tanks. You could try to move up your doctor appt. A beta blocker med like Propranolol would help the racing heart.

Just some ideas from someone who was there ... if sure may not feel like it but this will pass.

[excelsior]

Hey,

Thanks for your reply and suggestions. It's comforting to hear that this will pass, because seriously... waking up every morning like this is not nice. I guess I've just been left feeling like an idiot by the whole relationship and it's got stuck in my subconscious. I've never done well with uncertainty -- I'd rather an axe just swung than waiting for it to swing. This time, it's really messed with my head.

However, it's good that I've also been able to critically reflect and realise that while I might not be perfect and this relationship may not have been right for me (and that I let it go on way longer than it should have), I do deserve to be treated with respect.

I'll be staying away from relationships for a while, I think!