[Airhead86]

I'm not sure how this all works, and my apologies if I'm posting this in the wrong forum, but I have anxiety so I'm basing it off that. My heart races so much that I feel like it's going to come out of my chest, I'm sometimes dizzy, I don't like this feeling at all. I know in the end of things and in the grand scheme of stuff; I am and WILL be fine, but it's a lot easier said than done.

Long story short, as I'll leave out all the details, I dated two girls in my past and both have ended in bad ways as they both emotionally cheated on me, and left me for other guys. That in itself messed with my mind for the most part. The last girl specifically, I haven't talked to in months, recently contacted me again and my anxiety rose up from her. Mind you previously beforehand, I was seeing a Psychologist when I was dating her and until after because things were so bad with her.

One thing I left out to my psychologist, because I felt ashamed to tell him, and just about anyone, hence why I'm here - both of the girls I dated had attractive sister's and when I found out what they did to me, I was so messed up in my head that I took some of their panties home with me and pleasured myself with them. At the time I felt it was no problem and normal, as I was trying to justify what happened to me, but after that was all said and done, I broke up with with them respectively in their own times. And the past is the past.

Any way, I know that was a perverted thing to do, but like I said, I was in a bad time at that moment and I sometimes am feeling guilty of what I did and I feel like because of what happened then, it eats me up. I often think I should never deserve any good thing happening to me. More importantly, I'm talking/seeing someone right now and I feel guilty of my past that I don't deserve talking to this amazing woman. Or doing anything in my life.

Hope I can get some help and some kind words from everyone here. I'm looking forward to help from everyone around here. I often heard many great things about this forum and how it's helped many people. Thank you.

[EBD8]

There are some issue's here hopefully you should address with your psychologist starting with your low self esteem. Everyone deserves to have a chance without being riddled with guilt over their past. You have to decide whether you can trust your psychologist enough to tell him the truth. If you are sure you can see him long enough on a regular basis then you will have time to work through current and past issue's. What I know you don't want to happen is let your past interfere with future relationships. I certainly don't want to steer you in the wrong direction. When ever I got serious about getting help and told my T about things I'd been hiding for years they were very understanding. I never hurt anyone else but I did a lot of damage to myself emotionally and mentally cause I couldn't stop beating myself up and that is not what you need to be doing. Best of Luck..

[Airhead86]

I'm going to be calling some places tomorrow morning/afternoon, but I'm really looking forward to getting some help. It just really sucks that I've riddled with such extreme, overwhelming guilt. I really feel like I don't deserve anything. I contemplate life and not that I would ever commit suicide, I often think of it for the bad act that I've done. Which is silly to me, because I shouldn't be thinking of that. I won't be holding back when I talk to someone. Although I feel like myself sometimes - I really, really just want to be my normal self again and get these thoughts out of my head. I can't go throughout life like this.

[Airhead86]

Sorry for bumping such an old thread here, I lost access to my computer and when I got things going again, forgot my password and such.

Any who, finally made an appointment and I'll be seeing a therapist in a couple of weeks. I plan on telling him/her everything about this, among with other things I've dealt with.

I would like to say EBD8, you must be right a little bit. I opened up about this to a friend I haven't talked to in a while and he told me he did a similar thing. Kind of made me feel a bit better knowing someone else did the same thing as me, but I still feel odd.

I really hope there is light at the end of the tunnel. Some days the overwhelming anxiety gets the best of me, and then others I'm back to my normal self. Will everything be okay?

[JIDude]

Originally Posted by Airhead86

I really hope there is light at the end of the tunnel. Some days the overwhelming anxiety gets the best of me, and then others I'm back to my normal self. Will everything be okay?

Yes, everything will be okay. Every person on this board has gone through some bad times with anxiety and probably other stuff, too. You're doing the right thing by seeing a therapist, so I am confident you'll pull through and look back on this period of your life some day without anxiety.