[Eggmelia68]

Hi. This is my first post other than my introduction post. It was my case manager at Aetna's idea for me to join a support site. I hope I do this right. First of all I only know 6 people. I have no friends. I don't leave my house unless I'm with my husband and then it's short quick trips. I have to count all the numbers and letters on street signs or we will crash and die. If I go somewhere alone a bomber or gunman will attack. I worry constantly that my children are going to die in a wreck or get shot. I love my flower garden. I love butterflies. I go to therapy every week by myself. I feel worthless like if my house isn't clean I'll be cast aside. Banned. I take so much medicine it isn't even funny. I love music. Like John Denver and Damien Rice. I haven't spoken to my mother in 3 weeks and she lives just 12 minutes away. I miss my grandmother but she passed away almost 25 years ago. I try so hard to keep my house clean like she did and my flowers pretty like she did and my kids happy like she did me. I think if I don't then a disaster will happen like a plane crash or a bombing. It seems to all be my fault.

[thunderbear]

Hello Eggmelia! Welcome to PC! It is really great here and I promise there are sweet people here who will offer you advice, support and a shoulder.

Have you been diagnosed with OCD? Thats what it sounds like. I am kind of similar to you as far as not leaving the house unless my husband is with me. I have the same fear of dying also. The few times that Ive made myself venture out alone, caused such anxiety and panic, that it took days to recover. But Im still making myself do it. I started out by driving, alone, to the end of my street and back. I did that for two months, everyday. Now I can go twice that distance without panic attack. I still have yet to go into a store alone but, Im optimistic.
Hugs to you! And keep posting, it really does help!

[Perna]

I'm glad you chose this site to join Eggmelia.

Hopefully you will do a lot of reading and posting, find there are others with anxiety similar to yours. I had a lot of fears but worked hard in therapy and in my life and don't let the ones I still have overwhelm me anymore.

[Eggmelia68]

Yes I have been diagnosed with OCD. My therapist says I have a big problem with magical thinking. I don't know if that is OCD or not.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Eggmelia68

Yes I have been diagnosed with OCD. My therapist says I have a big problem with magical thinking. I don't know if that is OCD or not.

Magical thinking is something that can be worked through with CBT. Basically, it's an irrational thought process.

Hope, through therapy, you can get to the route of these fears and be able to overcome them. Sounds difficult to worry about death, when not actually faced with something.

[Marie Evans]

Hello, dying is not an easy subject for me to talk about but when I think about all the good times I am spending now with my family and friends and doing good things with them the thought about dying less enters my mind. Sadly, to say "we all are going to pass away!"(I was told this statement when I was just a little child!)

[avlady]

Welcome Egg!! I also dealt and still deal with death on my mind, as i get older, i'm 52 now, more friends and older people are dying on me every day. i rely on my religion to keep me sane, I'm Catholic but no goody two shoes. In my life now i'm constantly in a state of prayer, my prayers really do work as i see the signs. It is really hard to deal with death, i think more so my own death than others, i hope i'm not being selfish for that. Please praay for me too.

[Eggmelia68]

I guess I'm not afraid of dying. I'm afraid of being killed. And afraid of my kids being killed.

[pbutton]

I'm glad you're here. Nice to meet you.