[mina_mango]

Hi everyone.

I'm someone who has dealt with anxiety really badly since puberty and it truly affected my life. I'm now in my early twenties and spent most of college in and out of counseling.

I'm a lot better than I was. However, throughout the years I made a lot of mistakes in friendships and relationships and coped with life in an unhelpful way. I've fallen in love and let it go. Severed friendships. I was a perfectionist, often aloof and unable to open up. It was a painful journey living that way and it's physically painful to move forward...I get the physical anxiety symptoms...stomach pains, tense muscles, etc...

This is the most confusing time of my life right now. I'm moving forward by working to live in the present, letting go of the past, etc. Using the skills I learned in counseling.

I just don't know how to make this transition easier. I know I need to take it easy and be patient. I do take medicine.

Does anyone get what I'm saying? Thanks

[lizardlady]

Hi Mina. Welcome to PC.

You're right, change is hard. It's good that you are in therapy to help you make those changes. Have you tried posting in the anxiety forum? Maybe someone there could help?

[mina_mango]

Anyone?

[Yeehaw_!]

Notice. Just notice. no judgment. no "trying to change". Just "hmmm. look at me. I'm getting anxious again." No fallout. No nothing. Just "isn't that interesting". No goals to fail. No "what is WRONG with me." No external judgement. Just notice. You'll find that the more you "just notice", without judgment or shame or layers of bullcorny on top, the more the habit diminishes. Works for me.

[Anthyllis]

Hi Mina,

I do get what you're saying perfectly!
Here are some things, randomly presented, that I personally find helpful. :

- For physical anxiety symptoms, there really is no better cure than physical activity, as it is enjoyable (if you choose something you like), forces you to breathe correctly and at takes the mind off your worries (Could be swimming, running, yoga, dancing..anything really).

-In general, I think all anxious people could benefit from LESS THINKING. Try not to dwell to much on what you think you did wrong in the past (I know it is hard!). What I find helpful to tell myself when I realize I am overthinking about the past : "All that I did, I did for a reason". That's a non-judgemental assertion (not assessing if what I did was right, or wrong; It is just what I did, at one moment, in given circumstances, and that's all). I find it helps me focus on the present.

- Maybe try not to think to much about the anxiety itself. Find things that you can define yourself by that are positive. For example, "I am creative, I am generous, I am funny" and focus on that when you find yourself think "I am an anxious, messed-up, person".
Also, while it is important to work on the problem, for example by going regularly to therapy, I find that it is important to not to get your head too wrapped-up in it either. Try to focus you energy the rest of the time on enjoyable activities and personal goals (other than "overcoming anxiety").

Those are just some general advice I could think of, given that I don't know your particular situation... Hope it can help.

And sorry if i express myself in weird ways...English is not my first language!

-Anthyllis-

[Anthyllis]

Hi Mina!

I had written a nice long reply for you, but this being my first time on the forum, I messed up and lost it!

It is getting kind of late so I think I will wait untill tommorow to re-write, but I just wanted to let you know that I understand very well what you are saying!

Good night!

[Anthyllis]

Oh wow, it actually worked, my answer was published! I am such a N00b

[mina_mango]

Note to everyone: I am replying from the anxiety board where this thread was moved, but it is automatically updating my original post somehow. :/

Thanks, Anthyllis, and you expressed everything just fine.

You made some really good points.

I like just telling myself, "All that I did, I did for a reason," because it's true -- I did.

The tough part for me is knowing who I am outside of anxiety. I've been like this for a long time. It's been so embedded in my development that I just don't know who I am without it. I used to be really into theater and used to be a creative writer/poet. Well, I guess when I'm not anxious I'm really friendly, funny and someone you can have a great time with.

My personal goals are to pass my road test in two weeks, get hired somewhere and find a career I actually want to do.

I am interested in all those physical activities you mentioned...

This is hard

[Anthyllis]

Originally Posted by Yeehaw_!

Notice. Just notice. no judgment. no "trying to change". Just "hmmm. look at me. I'm getting anxious again." No fallout. No nothing. Just "isn't that interesting". No goals to fail. No "what is WRONG with me." No external judgement. Just notice. You'll find that the more you "just notice", without judgment or shame or layers of bullcorny on top, the more the habit diminishes. Works for me.

I agree with that. It is also something I am trying to practice. Meditation and learning about mindfulness can really help with developing that kind of attitude in life. But what I find difficult is having the discipline and the stability to actually integrate meditation in my life, but that's another problem of mine!

Anyway Mina, I wish you good luck with your driving tests! That's a big step (was for me anyway!).

[mina_mango]

Originally Posted by Yeehaw_!

Notice. Just notice. no judgment. no "trying to change". Just "hmmm. look at me. I'm getting anxious again." No fallout. No nothing. Just "isn't that interesting". No goals to fail. No "what is WRONG with me." No external judgement. Just notice. You'll find that the more you "just notice", without judgment or shame or layers of bullcorny on top, the more the habit diminishes. Works for me.

Wow..I didn't even see this post somehow before. Thanks.

Bullcorny? Haha I like that...

Reminds me of radical acceptance which has helped me a lot in the past. I'll definitely have to incorporate that into my life again. Hard to do sometimes...

[mina_mango]

Originally Posted by Anthyllis

I agree with that. It is also something I am trying to practice. Meditation and learning about mindfulness can really help with developing that kind of attitude in life. But what I find difficult is having the discipline and the stability to actually integrate meditation in my life, but that's another problem of mine!

Anyway Mina, I wish you good luck with your driving tests! That's a big step (was for me anyway!).

Thanks!

One big problem with me in general is discipline/stability when I go about trying new things to break my old patterns. I don't stick to anything. One week I'm doing this, the next week I'm doing that.

I think my root problem is that I need to find other ways to deal with life other than by getting anxious and doing things out of feeling anxious.

This is taking a lot of time and it sucks. Getting honest with myself sucks ... but I'm doing it because I really want and have to.