[Mytwoboys80]

Hi everyone,
I'm 33 years old and have suffered with anxiety most of my life. I can remember my first sleep away from home when I was in 6th grade and spending the entire night before throwing up in the bathroom and begging my parents to let me stay home from the overnight school camping trip. Throughout my life I've always had "bouts" that would come out of nowhere and totally disrupt my life. My whole body would get tingly and a wave of nausea would come over me-my stomach would start doing flips and then the mind racing set in (for me, the worst part) "What if this feeling never goes away? What if I never get better? What if I end up in a mental hospital? What if it gets so bad that I contemplate taking my own life?" The what ifs taunted me for days until slowly the episode would dissipate. Then for a week or so I felt like I had an anxiety attack "hangover" Not totally panicked but just left feeling depleted. For the years I was on birth control I recall the "attacks" being very few and far between. In the year I was off birth control and my husband and I were trying to conceive all of my time and energy was spent working or thinking about fertility. Again, attacks few and far between. Then...I gave birth to our little guy. I haven't been the same since. I suffered from some post partum depression and never got help. Then as the months went on and the attacks crept back in ten fold I started noticing they would occur in the days before my period and the week of. Then slowly dissipate leaving me feeling pretty good the rest of the month. Every month-it's clockwork. It's been two years of this battle and I feel like I've lost out on so much enjoyable time with my new little family. I'm plagued by anxiety and fears that it will never go away and I will never get better. I want to expand our family and give my son a sibling but I'm so petrified of getting worse. I want to feel human again I miss my old life of feeling good MOST of the time with just a couple episodes a YEAR. Now if I go a day and feel good I consider myself lucky. Just looking for some support, someone who can relate, any success stories. Something...

[ocdwifeofsociopath]

Welcome!!! This place has put a lot of rest to my fears and worries. I hope it helps you too. I'm curious as to whether or not you think you may still be suffering from postpartum as well? Have you talked to your doctor about this? One thing I feel you should always keep in mind is that being a new mom the stress and worries and fears and anxiety double with any woman. It will ease as time goes by and you become more confident in reading you're child's needs and how you parent. Unless, you keep yourself from being a better mom by getting lost in what ifs. there is no better mother for your son than you. If you can not with the help and support of loved ones and on here keep your anxiety down, it would be time to look into therapy and medicine. I would be willing to bet the monthly battle is a mix of being a new mom and that time being difficult to control emotions anyway. It does not mean you need to be committed. Please do not think I'm preaching. This is what was told to me when I was in the same situation. I have been through it, and I am in more control now. I was also better with my second, not worse. P.S. you don't have to do anything that makes you panic unless it is for the necessity of living or you're kids safety and surety.

[Mytwoboys80]

Originally Posted by ocdwifeofsociopath

Welcome!!! This place has put a lot of rest to my fears and worries. I hope it helps you too. I'm curious as to whether or not you think you may still be suffering from postpartum as well? Have you talked to your doctor about this? One thing I feel you should always keep in mind is that being a new mom the stress and worries and fears and anxiety double with any woman. It will ease as time goes by and you become more confident in reading you're child's needs and how you parent. Unless, you keep yourself from being a better mom by getting lost in what ifs. there is no better mother for your son than you. If you can not with the help and support of loved ones and on here keep your anxiety down, it would be time to look into therapy and medicine. I would be willing to bet the monthly battle is a mix of being a new mom and that time being difficult to control emotions anyway. It does not mean you need to be committed. Please do not think I'm preaching. This is what was told to me when I was in the same situation. I have been through it, and I am in more control now. I was also better with my second, not worse. P.S. you don't have to do anything that makes you panic unless it is for the necessity of living or you're kids safety and surety.

I cannot thank you enough for your words of support. I do sometimes overlook the struggles we have faced since giving birth (putting my son through open heart surgery at a few months old, a sick baby, the passing of my father in law, my fathers alcoholism) It's been a really rough ride and sometimes I forget that these issues need some "dealing" with. I also can't tell you how reassuring it is to hear that you were better with your second! I think my biggest post partum fear is that it will come back ten times worse when I have another baby.
Thank you!

[SideCrow]

Hello. Please have your ob/gyn check your hormone levels and see if something went wonky with them. If your TSH, T4, Estrogen, etc are within normal limits, well, you are going through some really difficult situations with you fmily, and that alone would be enough for anxiety. I think you are wise to wait before another pregnancy.
If you breastfed for a while or recently stopped breastfeeding, that could affect your moods. Your fertility struggle is almost certainly hormone related [unless it was him, not you] and that again, pack a big emotional punch, which you say you feel 'like clockwork.' Believe it or not, that's a good thing. The fact that you can time these episodes in line with your period really gives strong clues that your hormones are strongly involved in your emotional distress. When you have an idea what's causing your pain, it's easier to know what you need to get this anxiety under control. I'm betting that if your GYN can get your hormones leveled out, even if you go back on BC, you might feel a bit better. Post Partum Depression is a witch, but it's not your fault. I had it too, and the anxiety was so awful that I would panic over things that couldn't possibly happen, likeshopping with my baby, her in the cart, and suddenly worrying if I might have the wrong baby. Her dad was actively alcoholic, and kept calling me a **** while I was in labour, then he left the hospital drunk and I had her alone. Enough about me. You sound level headed and like a good mother. Slow down, just take one moment to the next and see if you might check with GYN about the above. HUGS

[SideCrow]

P.S. I also wanted another child, butafter my post partum depression and anxiety, I felt the risk was too high for both me and an unborn baby. The mental anguish was hell. The antidepressants I was on during pregnancy and breastfeeding didn't help much...and my daughted was born with parts of her spine missing, one rib missing, two ribs fused together, and now that she's older, the dentist has found that she never developed enamel on her teeth, so her teeth will be gone and she will need implants

[healingme4me]

Having a baby can wreak havoc on the body. After having my two youngest within 15 months of one another, my body crashed and burned at the 6 month marker. I was subsequently diagnosed with MS.

Are you currently in counseling, talking to your OBGYN or a PDOC with these concerns?

If you've been having anxiety bouts since high school, it could stand to reason this is more than just mind over matter, and these feelings could be physiological and beyond any ability to outthink the anxiety.

Having a second child, when you are having troubles now...better to start treatment and get yourself back onto an even keel.

From experience, the second child is the one that when added to the mix, will create an overwhelming feeling, of OMG, I cannot do it all!! Second child is culture shock to the system.

Originally Posted by Mytwoboys80

Hi everyone,
I'm 33 years old and have suffered with anxiety most of my life. I can remember my first sleep away from home when I was in 6th grade and spending the entire night before throwing up in the bathroom and begging my parents to let me stay home from the overnight school camping trip. Throughout my life I've always had "bouts" that would come out of nowhere and totally disrupt my life. My whole body would get tingly and a wave of nausea would come over me-my stomach would start doing flips and then the mind racing set in (for me, the worst part) "What if this feeling never goes away? What if I never get better? What if I end up in a mental hospital? What if it gets so bad that I contemplate taking my own life?" The what ifs taunted me for days until slowly the episode would dissipate. Then for a week or so I felt like I had an anxiety attack "hangover" Not totally panicked but just left feeling depleted. For the years I was on birth control I recall the "attacks" being very few and far between. In the year I was off birth control and my husband and I were trying to conceive all of my time and energy was spent working or thinking about fertility. Again, attacks few and far between. Then...I gave birth to our little guy. I haven't been the same since. I suffered from some post partum depression and never got help. Then as the months went on and the attacks crept back in ten fold I started noticing they would occur in the days before my period and the week of. Then slowly dissipate leaving me feeling pretty good the rest of the month. Every month-it's clockwork. It's been two years of this battle and I feel like I've lost out on so much enjoyable time with my new little family. I'm plagued by anxiety and fears that it will never go away and I will never get better. I want to expand our family and give my son a sibling but I'm so petrified of getting worse. I want to feel human again I miss my old life of feeling good MOST of the time with just a couple episodes a YEAR. Now if I go a day and feel good I consider myself lucky. Just looking for some support, someone who can relate, any success stories. Something...

[pbutton]

What if this feeling never goes away? What if I never get better? What if I end up in a mental hospital? What if it gets so bad that I contemplate taking my own life?" The what ifs taunted me for days until slowly the episode would dissipate.

I can definitely relate to this. I am currently getting help for the same type of thoughts and feelings.